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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25999465">You were never mine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptreality/pseuds/conceptreality'>conceptreality</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dubious Consent, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Fuck Or Die, Heavy Angst, actually it's more like Fuck on camera or Die</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:22:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>56,393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25999465</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptreality/pseuds/conceptreality</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lena knows she made a mistake. She was going to find Kara, she was going to ask for forgiveness. But she finds herself in a cell with Kara on a planet with a red sun. Their captors produce alien porn on this planet and they give Lena and Kara the choice to either work for them or face the consequences.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>392</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I tried to establish consent between them but this is still a Fuck or Die fic and they will be forced to have sex in front of others and later on camera.</p><p>This started as a weird fantasy of mine but now it actually has a plot.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She’s awake but not really. Lena is trying to open her eyes but something doesn’t let her. She’s not in her bed, she’s on the floor. Her head hurts and it feels like she’s been asleep since forever. It has happened enough times already so she knows she’s been drugged and probably kidnapped. Lena has to think fast. It takes some time but it comes back to her. She left her brother last night or the last night she can remember. She was going to find Kara. She wanted to help her, she wanted to ask for forgiveness. Not that she deserves that but she was hopping that her best friend or whatever she was at that point would believe her.</p><p>Her eyes open and she is in a small room with grey walls. Then, she sees her. Kara is on the other side of the room and it looks like she’s sleeping. That means that she is safe. Kara will take her out of here as soon as she wakes up. But no, that sounds too good to be true. Whoever put them in this cell and that person is probably her brother must have known who Kara is and what she is capable of. She doesn’t look like Supergirl right now but she doesn’t look like Kara Danvers either. Something is missing. Her glasses, that’s it, her stupid glasses that fooled Lena for years. And Kara still thinks she’s a genius.</p><p>Kara is wearing a grey t-shirt and grey sweatpants and Lena looks at herself and she’s wearing exactly the same. That creates something uncomfortable deep inside of her. Someone removed their clothes while they were unconscious. Lena tries to move and surprisingly it works. She feels so weak but she manages to stand.</p><p>“Kara,” she says but she doesn’t respond.</p><p>Lena walks to other side of the room and she kneels in front of Kara but she is too afraid to touch her. They haven’t seen each other since the fortress and Lena doesn’t even want to think about that. Kara doesn’t know that she understands now, that she doesn’t hate her. Like she could ever hate Kara.</p><p>“Kara,” she says again and this time it seems like she heard her because she’s trying to open her eyes.</p><p>It is clear when it registers to Kara what it is in front of her, who is in front of her.</p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Please, just listen to me. I don’t know where we are.”</p><p>“What do you mean…” She doesn’t finish her question as she realizes where they are.</p><p>“I will take us out of here,” she tries to stand up and it seems like it is as difficult as it was for Lena. Something is wrong.</p><p>A moment passes and the reality of their situation is clear. Kara is walking around.</p><p>“You don’t have your powers.” It’s a statement not a question and Kara doesn’t answer.</p><p>“Do you think it’s kryptonite?” Lena asks but she already knows the answer. There are no green veins in Kara’s face and she doesn’t seem to experience the usual symptoms. She’s just weak after whatever it was that they gave them, same as Lena. That means that they are trapped here and whoever did that to them has some really advanced technology.</p><p>“Have you ever experienced anything similar?” Kara doesn’t even look at her.</p><p>“Talk to me. I know that things between us aren’t good right now but we are out of options here.”</p><p>“Why should I trust you Lena?” It hurts because she is right. She’s looking at her now and her eyes are so angry but her voice breaks.</p><p>“If I was the one who did this to you, I wouldn’t be in this room with you. Someone else is keeping us here.”</p><p>Kara takes a deep breath. It’s so weird to look at her in normal clothes without her glasses.</p><p>“Okay,” she starts walking again. Maybe looking at Lena is too much right now. “I think this has something to do with red sun lamps. It has happened to me before. My powers will be back when we get out.”</p><p>“If we get out.”</p><p>“Do you think Lex did this?” Kara asks.</p><p>“I’m sure, it’s him.”</p><p>“Then why are you here?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It must be one of his sick jokes.” Kara doesn’t seem to understand what’s happening from the way she looks at Lena. “I left him last night, I wanted to come to your place. This must be part of his revenge.”</p><p>“You left him?” There is so much disbelief in her voice that cuts deep inside of Lena.</p><p>“I really hope that you will believe me. I know that you have no reason to do that but…”</p><p>Someone opens the door and it’s not Lex. It’s a man that Lena doesn’t know. He has dark hair and there is something disturbing in the way he is looking at them. He has a gun and Kara isn’t bulletproof at the moment so they have to be careful. There must be others outside too and fighting him doesn’t seem like a good idea.</p><p>“Who are you?” Kara says and she sounds exactly like Supergirl. She moves in front of Lena. Maybe she still cares and the fact that she’s doesn’t have her powers doesn’t stop her from protecting Lena. Or maybe she is still a hero and she would do that for anyone.</p><p>“That’s not important. The only thing that matters now is you two,” he says.</p><p>“What are you even talking about?”</p><p>“Just tell us what you want and who is behind this,” Lena says. She can’t let Kara face him alone.</p><p>“Just follow me and I will explain everything.” He turns around, ready to exit the room. “And girls, don’t try anything funny because my guys are everywhere.”</p><p>Lena looks at Kara and there is a silent agreement between them that they should wait for now.</p><p>He wasn’t lying about his guys, there are guards everywhere and they are armed. Some of them are aliens and others look like humans but Lena isn’t sure. They walk close to each other. It brings Lena some comfort that Kara is here with her but at the same time she wishes Kara was safe at her apartment. There are no windows, but Lena expected that much. They must be somewhere underground.</p><p>They enter a big room that’s almost empty except from a couch and some chairs. The whole situation feels like a really bad and twisted joke.</p><p>“Please, sit.” They do because what other option, do they have. The guards didn’t follow them inside but there are cameras on the walls and Lena is sure that they are watching everything. They sit on the couch close to each other, slightly touching.</p><p>“You must be wondering why you are here,” he says.</p><p>“No, not really, after a while I got used to being kidnapped by my brother,” Lena says and she hopes that she sounded as sarcastic as she intended to be.</p><p>“You are close but that’s not exactly what’s going on here. You see, your brother brought you to me but I am the one in charge here.”</p><p>“Lex doesn’t let anyone else have any real power. He just uses you to hurt me. So, tell me what you want and maybe we could make a deal.”</p><p>“I don’t think that you are in any position to make deals, Lena.” He smiles and it stops Lena from saying anything else. There is something about him that’s so uncomfortable. “Lex gave both of you to me and he isn’t a part of what’s happening here.”</p><p>Lena is ready to say something but Kara stands up.</p><p>“Why he would do something like that? It’s not like you can keep me here forever.”</p><p>“Have you noticed that there is something unusual about your powers.” His smirk is beyond annoying.</p><p>“They will come back.”</p><p>“This is where you are wrong. Your powers come from the yellow sun and there is nothing like that here.”</p><p>“And where is here exactly?” Kara asks.</p><p>“We are in a solar system with a red sun.” Everything it’s much worse than Lena expected. They are somewhere so far away and there is no escape. She feels hopeless, all the bravery from moments ago is gone. Kara sits back on the couch.</p><p>“So, now that we are on the same page. I don’t have any intention of hurting you if you follow my instructions.”</p><p>“But we are prisoners here?” Lena asks as if it wasn’t obvious but he doesn’t make any sense.</p><p>“Not exactly. We can be partners. It depends on how well you will behave.”</p><p>“If you except me to help you in any way, I’m telling you now that’s it’s not going to happen. Enough of my projects have ended up in wrong hands already.”</p><p>“I don’t care about your projects, girl. I just want you to fuck her. On camera.”</p><p>Lena turns to look at Kara because she must have heard wrong. Kara’s face doesn’t show any emotion but her hand reaches for Lena’s and she squeezes. He can’t be serious. What he is asking is so wrong. She feels sick.</p><p>“You can’t be serious.”</p><p>“I am and you will do it if you want to live.” He points his gun at Lena. “You will fuck her today just for me and whoever is watching, just to see what you can do. Another day we will bring cameras and a whole crew and you will fuck her again.”</p><p>“This is between me and Lex. Let her go and I’ll do whatever you want.” Lena has no idea where that came from but it’s true. This isn’t Kara’s fault and she could never make her do that.</p><p>“I make the rules here and you will do exactly what I’m telling you. What are you waiting for? I don’t have all day. We are a business here.”</p><p>“So, what is this about? An illegal porn industry that uses people against their will?”</p><p>“You are making it so much more difficult that it is. You will do as I say for some hours every day and you will be rewarded.”</p><p>“And if I don’t what? Are you going to shoot me?”</p><p>“Maybe. Or I will shoot her. Or I will bring the guys here to beat her while we watch.”</p><p>For the first time in her life Lena wants to die. Every terrible thing that has ever happened to her was nothing compared to this. She could never force Kara to do something she doesn’t want to, even if she isn’t the one who made the decision. Kara hasn’t moved since he told them what they have to do but she is still holding Lena’s hand like her life depends on it. The irony is that it actually does. Lena doesn’t know how serious this man is about killing them but it is obvious that he is serious about the beating. Insulting him isn’t the way to go. She could try something else.</p><p>“Even if I wanted to, I just can’t. I don’t know how. We are both straight.” Lena knows that she is lying. She doesn’t remember exactly when she stopped considering herself straight but it had something to do with being in love with her best friend for years. But she isn’t lying in every way that matters. She has never done anything like that before. Not with a girl.</p><p>“Lex told me that you are so in love with her that you killed your own brother for her.” That sick man is having fun with them. He’s playing with their emotions and there is nothing that hurts more than the truth. He is still holding the gun but at least he doesn’t point it at them. “It doesn’t matter at this point. They will show you what looks good another time. For now, put your fingers inside of her and go from there.”</p><p>There are no cameras close to them. At least not the kind of cameras to film any kind of movie. There are some security cameras on the walls but it is clear that whatever he asks them to do is for his own enjoyment. Lena wants to punch him. He sits on that chair like he owns them and Lena wants to cry because he actually does. But she won’t, not now. She has to stay strong for Kara.</p><p>“I don’t know what you are waiting for. Take off your clothes Lena or someone else will do it for you. Your choice.”</p><p>Okay, she can do that and maybe it would be enough for now. There are tears in Kara’s eyes and Lena has never seen her like that. She’s always so brave, so full of life. But she has seen Kara crying again and she has the one who caused it.</p><p>She stands up and she has to let Kara’s hand and suddenly she is so alone. She takes off her sweatpants and her t-shirt. The man is looking at her body and when Kara moves to take off her own t-shirt, she stops her.</p><p>“She can keep her clothes, right? It’s more humiliating for me. I’m sure you’re into that.” Because she has to try. She can’t let Kara feel the way she feels.</p><p>“Whatever, just do something.”</p><p>She takes off her underwear and once again she wants to cry. She has never felt so exposed in her life. Kara isn’t exactly looking at her. It seems like she isn’t even here. She kneels in front of her.</p><p>“Hey, Kara, look at me,” and then she does. Kara is looking at her face and she searches for her hand again. She almost whispers. “If you don’t want to do this, we won’t. There are other options but I can’t let you die. I don’t care about myself but you don’t deserve this.”</p><p>“Lena, it’s okay,” her voice is so low, so broken. “I don’t want you to die either. I… won’t be able to live with myself.”</p><p>“So… we are doing this?”</p><p>Kara nods.</p><p>“You have done this again, right?” They have never actually talked about sex and it’s weird since they are, they were, best friends for years but it never came up. But Lena knows that it had happened. She asks anyway because she doesn’t know what else to say.</p><p>“Yeah… but not with a…”</p><p>“Yeah, I know me too. It’s okay.”</p><p>“Lena, it wasn’t supposed to happen like that,” her voice this time is more like her normal voice.</p><p>“Enough with this nonsense,” the man shouts and it breaks their little bubble. It brings Lena back to reality where she is in another planet and she has to fuck her best friend with an audience if she wants to live. “You will do exactly what I’m telling you to do.”</p><p>Kara lowers her sweatpants and underwear. She isn’t as lost as she was a few minutes ago. Her eyes never leave Lena’s and there is a weird kind of determination in them. It says that they can get through this, that there is hope. If she just focuses on Kara and only Kara maybe she can do it. She places the hand that is holding Kara’s on her thigh and Kara places her own hand on top of Lena’s. </p><p>It’s so weird to look at that part of Kara but she is naked so the feeling must be mutual. Lena had imagined many times having sex with Kara. It always made her feel so guilty, so dirty. She never thought she would actually get to do what she is going to do now but what’s about to happen is so wrong that it feels like something entirely different.</p><p>She moves her other hand to cup Kara because she doesn’t want to be told once again what she has to do. Kara is… soft and warm. A part of her wants to actually try to make Kara feel good but how could she ever feel good. She is being raped, but not by Lena. It’s not their decision. Maybe she can try the small circles that she does to herself. She has to do something anyway. There are some new tears in Kara's eyes and Lena’s heart breaks all over again. This isn’t her fault. She has to remember that.</p><p>“Put two fingers inside of her.”</p><p>Lena does that because what other option she has. Kara is soft and kind of wet. She goes really slow. The last thing she wants is to hurt Kara. She finds a rhythm and she can’t stop herself from wanting to make Kara feel good. She doesn’t forget for a second where they are but touching Kara brings a strange comfort. Kara squeezes her hand and Lena knows what she means, that it is okay, that she can take it.</p><p>It goes on for some minutes and Lena’s knees hurt. She doesn’t know when they are supposed to stop. Does he expect Kara to cum with an obscene porn sound? Kara has barely stopped crying. She is more wet now but it could never feel good. Bodies react a certain way but that doesn’t mean anything. Every nice thought that Lena has about Kara is accompanied with so much guilt that in the end it isn’t a nice thought at all.</p><p>“Fuck. I can’t believe it, I was sure that you two were fucking a lot but this is boring.”</p><p>Kara snaps and turns to look at him.</p><p>“Oh, what did you expect? You forced this situation to us. Did you think we would just do whatever your fucked up mind imagined?” It doesn’t really sound like Kara but it’s better than the nothing she gave Lena before. Lena stops moving her hand but her fingers are still inside of Kara.</p><p>“Don’t talk to me like that you fucking slut! Just stop. We are done for today. Someone will show you another time what to do.”</p><p>Kara has more to say but Lena squeezes her hand really tight as she moves her fingers from inside of her. This is not the time to fight. They have to be smart.</p><p>Kara stands up and she pulls her sweatpants back in their place. And then she sees Lena. Lena who is still naked and on her knees. It’s like something clicks inside of her because she moves fast. She finds Lena’s clothes and she helps her stand up. She gives Lena her clothes and she stands between Lena and that man without really looking at Lena, not at her body at least. It’s like she is trying to protect her. Lena was lost for a moment but Kara was there for her. When Lena is dressed, Kara takes her hand. The man doesn’t say anything else and he leaves the room. They follow the guards who are taking them somewhere else from the cell they woke up. They climb some stairs and Kara doesn’t let her hand. It’s the only thing that grounds her so she tries to focus on that. She never wants to walk without it ever again.</p><p>They are in a room now that actually looks more like a room than a cell. It has a door that must lead to the bathroom. There are two beds in each side of the room and there is a window. A window that lets red light get in the room. That window crushes every hope that Lena had that he was lying, that they were still on Earth, that it was all a dream.</p><p>The window doesn’t offer any other information whatsoever because the only thing that they can see are other windows from the other side of the building.</p><p>There are fresh clothes on the bed and Lena takes them and heads to the bathroom. The things that happened today are not something a shower could fix but Lena tries. At some point she realizes that she’s crying and she feels like she is not in her body. She tries to calm down, for Kara. When she manages to stop crying, she exits the bathroom but when she sees Kara, she starts crying all over again. Kara rushes to her side and she opens her arms but she doesn’t make the final step to hug Lena. Lena puts her hands around Kara’s neck and she just melts in her arms. Kara holds her so tight that makes Lena believe that they can make it.</p><p>“I’m so sorry Kara, I’m so so sorry.”</p><p>“You have nothing to be sorry about.” It is a big lie, Lena knows that but it’s true about what happened today. “It wasn’t your fault and I am okay now.” Now it is Kara’s turn to lie but Lena can’t form any coherent sentence right now. </p><p>“Do you want to sit on the bed?” Kara asks and Lena doesn’t know how long they were standing there. Lena nods and they sit on the bed.</p><p>After a while Lena wants to lie down but she doesn’t want to stop being close to Kara.</p><p>“Do you want to stay or you can go to the other one? It’s okay whatever you want.”</p><p>“I want to stay.”</p><p>They have never cuddled before or slept in the same bed but Kara’s arms fit so perfect around of her that once again it makes Lena think that they can make it back home alive.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't have a beta and English isn't my first language so i'm sorry for any mistakes. Thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is a noise coming from somewhere and Lena supposes it means that they have to wake up. She woke up many times during the night and she wasn’t always sure if Kara was crying or if it was herself. She turns around and Kara is awake and she’s trying to say something with her eyes. She covers their faces with the blanket and she whispers.</p><p>“Do you think they are listening?” Kara asks.</p><p>“Maybe, but I’m not sure if they care at this point.”</p><p>“Anyway, they are not going to stop today.”</p><p>“I know.” Lena really tries to not sound as hopeless as she is but it’s hard.</p><p>“And I haven’t thought about any possible way to escape yet.” She doesn’t even whisper that. Lena has to read her lips.</p><p>“We need more time.”</p><p>“Yeah we do. We don’t know anything about this place.”</p><p>“If somehow we could communicate with the others on Earth.” Lena thought about it. There must be a way, a room somewhere with technology that can send a message to Earth. They talked to Lex somehow.</p><p>“For now, we should just…”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Kara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. It’s obvious that she’s trying to hold back her tears.</p><p>“It’s just so frustrating Lena, you know?” Lena knows, she was there. They broke them. “To not be able to protect you.” Oh, Kara wants to protect her. After everything they made them do, after everything that she did to Kara these past months, that’s what bothers Kara the most. She still wants to protect Lena. “I have never felt so powerless.” There are some tears in her eyes and Lena wants to kill everyone on this planet. “I’m trying to be strong. I really do but yesterday when you needed me, it was like I wasn’t there.” She wants to wipe the tears away but she’s not sure if Kara is okay with her touching her face.</p><p>“That’s okay Kara, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were there for me when I needed you.”</p><p>“It was like I left you alone.”</p><p>“When you are with me, I’m never alone,” Lena says because it’s the truth. She felt alone most of her life but then she met Kara and everything changed.</p><p>Kara closes what little space there was between them and hugs Lena so tight.</p><p>“I will find a way and I will take us home. I promise,” Kara says and Lena really wants to believe her but she just can’t. There is still hope but she also fears that there is a possibility that they will have to stay here.</p><p>After a while Kara goes to take a shower and someone opens the door and leaves them breakfast. Lena can’t remember the last time she ate, so she has to try. It’s going to be a long day and the whole point of their efforts is to stay alive. She has never seen Kara that indifferent about food and the truth is that it doesn’t taste bad.</p><p>Lena doesn’t know what to expect from today. He will probably make them do something similar with yesterday and she’s not ready for that. She’s not ready to see Kara crying again, not because she’s touching her. As much as she knew that it wasn’t her fault when she saw Kara crying, she hated herself.</p><p>They follow the guards and they take them to a different room. It is smaller and it would look like a normal room if it wasn’t for the camera next to the bed. Lena feels sick, they will actually film them this time. Kara takes her hand again and they stand in the entrance. Neither of them dares to step further inside. The door opens and a woman enters the room. She must be older than them and she kind of looks more normal that the man from the day before.</p><p>“Hello girls! They told me that there are some problems here but don’t worry we will fix it.” She’s smiling and she’s talking like it was their choice to be here. Maybe she doesn’t know, maybe she isn’t here by choice either. They don’t say anything so she continues.</p><p>“I will show you what you have to do in order to make it look good. Look at you, you are so hot and pretty. You will be amazing.” Lena wants to throw up.</p><p>“You know that we don’t want to do anything?” Kara says and this is the opposite of what their plan is. They have to play along. She squeezes Kara’s hand.</p><p>“This isn’t about what you want. Think about it like a transaction. You will do some things for a few hours every day and then you will have time for yourself. If you just do what I tell you to do, you will have everything you want.”</p><p>The only thing Lena wants is for Kara to be safe and this isn’t happening. She’s talking to them like they are two desperate people looking for a job, when in reality they were kidnapped and they want to turn them into slaves. But fuck, they need time and there are so many people outside ready to hurt them.</p><p>“Okay now that we understood each other why don’t you go sit on the bed.”</p><p>The woman notices their joined hands and smirks. Lena makes the first step and they go to sit on the bed. The woman sits on a chair.</p><p>“Don’t worry about the camera for now. It’s here in order to help me show you some angles.” How nice of them to don’t invite the whole crew.</p><p>“Why don’t you take off your clothes. You can keep your underwear for now.” Her voice is so annoying, almost cheerful, like she isn’t forcing two people to have sex.</p><p>Lena had somehow blocked the thoughts about repeating what happened yesterday again but now it becomes too real as she is taking off her clothes. Neither of them looks at the other.</p><p>“Oh, this is awkward! Now I understand what happened yesterday. Okay Kara, since you were the one that caused most of the problems, I will start with you.” Lena can feel her thoughts taking her somewhere else. She has to focus because Kara is here too and she has to look after her.</p><p>“Just look at Lena now and tell me, isn’t she pretty?”</p><p>Kara actually does that and she looks terrified.</p><p>“Answer me Kara!”</p><p>“Yeah she is,” Kara says.</p><p>“Look at her body. I’m sure that she will feel so good. Don’t you want to touch her?”</p><p>Kara doesn’t move.</p><p>“Lena help her a little. Take off your bra.”</p><p>Lena’s hands move on their own like she isn’t really here right now. As much as she tries to stay present, it’s impossible. It’s like she can’t see clear, like her body isn’t really hers.</p><p>“Look at her Kara!” Now her voice is louder but the tone hasn’t changed much.</p><p>Kara does and it’s like she’s going to cry again.</p><p>“Why you look so sad Kara? She’s so hot and all yours.” But Lena isn’t Kara’s, she’s not even her own person right now. “Tell me what you think about her.”</p><p>“Answer the question.”</p><p>“She’s just amazing,” Kara says and her voice is so low, so defeated. “She’s like the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I’ve never wanted…” Kara leaves a small chuckle that has so much pain behind it and Lena doesn’t understand. It’s obvious that Kara doesn’t want to do that but Lena expected a different answer. She isn’t sure what she expected but certainly not that.</p><p>“Okay, put your hands on her body. You will like it. Touch her tits.”</p><p>Kara reluctantly puts one hand on Lena’s breast and the other on her thigh. She’s so gentle like she’s afraid that she will break Lena and maybe her powers have made her think that way. It brings Lena back to the present because Kara is touching her and her body reacts to that in way that hadn’t with anyone else. It feels good but at the same time it feels so wrong.</p><p>“I’m sure you love it Kara. Now why you don’t feel how wet she is for you.”</p><p>It’s clear in her eyes that Kara doesn’t want to do that as she slowly moves her hand upward on Lena’s thigh but then she stops. She quickly takes her hands away and starts crying again.</p><p>“This isn’t how it is supposed to happen!” She sounds sad and angry and she said something like that the day before but Lena hasn’t really thought about it. Is it possible that Kara thought about them having sex before? No, that doesn’t make any sense. Kara has never shown any interest in Lena in that way. She means that this isn’t something that should happen between them or to anyone.</p><p>“Kara you’re making it extremely difficult for everyone,” the woman says and her voice is more strict now.</p><p>“I just, I just can’t do it. Not like that.” Her voice breaks.</p><p>“I think I didn’t make myself clear Kara. You don’t have a choice here. You will fuck her or I will make a call. Someone will come here and he will fuck her right in front of us and then I will ask you again. If you refuse for a second time, he will start beating her. I’m sure that’s not something that you want to see.”</p><p>Lena didn’t expect to hear something so disturbing. The truth is that she doesn’t really care what will happen to her. She would do anything for Kara.</p><p>Kara wipes her tears and closes her eyes.</p><p>“Okay, I will do it. I just need a moment.” There is no emotion in her voice anymore and when she opens her eyes something is different. She is here but she isn’t Kara anymore, at least not the one that she knows.</p><p>She moves on the bed and she urges Lena to follow her. Lena is lying down and Kara is next to her. Kara removes her own underwear when she doesn’t have to and she starts touching Lena’s arms so slow. It hits Lena. Kara is trying to make it easier for her.</p><p>She’s on top of Lena now and she really looks at her, her lips, her breasts. And Lena looks at Kara, she’s so beautiful and so sad. Every part of her body is amazing and Lena feels bad for even thinking about it and she tries to look somewhere else. Kara’s hand is on her thigh and tugs at Lena’s underwear. Lena nods and Kara takes it off. If things were different Lena would want Kara to kiss her everywhere, to go slow but they are here now and that’s not really an option. Why she is even thinking about it? Kara doesn’t want her, not like that. She’s just trying to keep both of them alive.</p><p>The woman is saying something to Kara and she presses two fingers inside of Lena. She does it slowly and Lena must be wet. She’s not sure about anything at the moment. She’s here but not really. She is seeing Kara and she can feel her inside of her but at the same time she could be somewhere in the room watching them. Her body reacts to the touch on its own. She hears sounds but she’s not sure if she’s the one making them. She’s trying to stay here for Kara but all these awful feelings are taking her away.</p><p>She hears a voice.</p><p>“I told you, you would like it Kara. Now look at the camera behind you. Don’t worry it’s not on, this is just practice. You have to always be aware of the camera so you don’t hide Lena with your body.”</p><p>“Now spread her legs and move so you don’t block the view.”</p><p>Lena feels her body moving and Kara is inside of her again.</p><p>“Nobody wants to look at your back Kara.”</p><p>She’s always so in control during sex. She always knows exactly what she’s doing and now she’s so lost. But this isn’t sex.</p><p>“Hey Lena, don’t just stand there. Show Kara how much you like it. I wanna hear you.”</p><p>Then everything gets even more weird because Lena can hear her voice but she’s not the one making these sounds.</p><p>There are some more instructions and now Kara is between her legs. She can feel her tongue on her clit and then inside of her. She sees her hand on Kara’s head and it feels good.</p><p>Somehow, she finds herself on top of Kara and she’s the one touching her. There are some things that she knows she has to do but she doesn’t know why. There are some steps she has to follow and Lena is good at that. She knows that Kara is there but there is a wall between them. Maybe Kara isn’t here either.</p><p>Lena finds herself lying on the bed when she realizes where she is and Kara is holding her hand. How long have they been doing this? Everything becomes real again and the woman is still here.</p><p>“You see it wasn’t that hard. You were actually really good. I think you will be ready in a few days. Now go have some rest and there is a surprise waiting for you.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t answer, she isn’t sure if she remembers how to talk. She manages to get dressed and follows Kara outside. She’s holding her hand again. They take them to a different part of the building. They get in an elevator who is moving up. She sees people who are getting in and out of rooms. Some of them are human but most of them are aliens. They look normal, like this is just an afternoon. Maybe for them it is.</p><p>They have a new room apparently, a more permanent one. Lena steps inside and it kinda looks like a real apartment but it is a cage nevertheless. The door behind them is locked from the outside like always. There is a living room and a kitchen in the same room. There is also a bedroom with a bed that actually looks comfortable and a bathroom with a bathtub and a shower. So that was the surprise.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Kara asks.</p><p>“Not really.” She feels so tired.</p><p>“I think I lost you in there.”</p><p>“Yeah I spaced out. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be,” Kara comes closer and takes Lena’s hands in hers. “You did what you had to do.”</p><p>“I’m here now, so don’t worry,” Lena offers a smile.</p><p>Kara goes to take a shower and Lena just sits on the couch. Her body hurts and she is so sore. She remembers what happened and she also doesn’t. She can’t believe it was actually her. She’s so deep in her thoughts but a sound brings her back to reality. It’s coming from the bathroom. Lena knocks on the door.</p><p>“Kara, are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kara says and it’s clear in her voice that she’s crying.</p><p>Lena tries to push her own feelings aside. She has to focus on Kara.</p><p>“Let me help you. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”</p><p>“Can you… can you please come inside,” her voice breaks.</p><p>Lena opens the door and what she sees breaks her heart. Kara is sitting down on the shower and she’s rubbing her skin so hard that Lena is afraid it will bleed.</p><p>“I just… I feel so dirty Lena.” Oh, she did this. No, she didn’t, it’s important to remember that.</p><p>“What can I do?”</p><p>“Just make it go away.” Lena doesn’t have the heart to tell her that it won’t go away. Even if they manage to escape tomorrow, this will always be a part of them. But Kara is asking her of something and Lena has to fucking try.</p><p>She starts filling the bathtub with water and with whatever weird soaps she finds there. There are plenty of products for skincare. Their skin is part of the final product so it makes sense.</p><p>“Please don’t leave,” Kara says and her voice is so small.</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>When the bathtub is ready Lena doesn’t know what she is supposed to do. Kara wants her to stay.</p><p>“Do you want me to?” Lena asks</p><p> “Yeah.”</p><p>Lena takes off her clothes. She fights the urge to hide herself. It’s ridiculous to feel self-conscious now after everything that happened. Kara has seen everything already. But now it feels different. Now it is just them. She hopes it’s just them at least. She has to check for hidden cameras but Lena thinks it’s unlikely.</p><p>Now she is Lena and she is naked and Kara is naked and she’s crying. Kara, her best friend, the person who Lena loves so much. She’s also the person that Lena has hurt so much but now the only thing she wants is to protect her. Lena would do absolutely anything if it meant that Kara wouldn’t have experienced any of this.</p><p>She helps her stand up. Her movements are so slow, she doesn’t want to scare Kara.</p><p>“Get inside, I will be with you in a minute.”</p><p>Kara does exactly that as Lena tries to wash away what happened today. She understands Kara when she said she feels dirty but she doesn’t feel exactly the same. It’s like someone took something from her, something she didn’t know she had in the first place.</p><p>Kara is still crying when she gets out of the shower. She stops and then she starts again. Lena gets inside in the opposite side of the bathtub. She wants to comfort Kara but she isn’t sure how to do that. She’s not sure if it is okay to touch her. She finds Kara’s hand and she tries to be as soft as she can. Kara reacts immediately and turns her hand around so she can hold Lena.</p><p>“Do you want space?” Lena has to ask anyway but it is clear that this isn’t what she wants.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Do you want to be close to me?” Lena doesn’t know if she has the right to ask, if it is a good idea.</p><p>“Yeah… you could… only if you want… if you could hold me.” Kara looks so small and Lena doesn’t even have to think about it. She would give Kara everything she asks for.</p><p>The bathtub is big enough and they move closer. Kara’s legs are on the side of Lena now. It’s weird to hug like that and Lena doesn’t know how to go for it. She’s going to hug her best friend in a bathtub while they are naked. As they come closer Kara feels so soft and so warm. She warps her arms around Lena and rests her head on her shoulder. Lena does what Kara asked her to do and holds Kara. She wishes she could make her feel safe. There are tears in Lena’s eyes too as she relaxes in Kara’s touch. It’s too much and not enough. Nothing could make okay what happened today and what is going to happen in the next days but if there is a chance to make it out whole, they have to stay together.</p><p>“I feel like my body isn’t exactly mine right now,” Kara says when she manages to breathe again. “It’s like I will always be dirty.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t know what to say. She feels the same way and she doesn’t.</p><p>“Kara we are still the same people. Can you feel me?” Maybe it’s the wrong thing to say but Kara’s touch grounds her at the moment and she hopes she can make Kara feel the same.</p><p>“I do and you are the only thing here that makes me feel like I’m still me.”</p><p>“You will always have me Kara, no matter what.” Kara moves her head and now she is looking at Lena’s eyes.</p><p>“Really?” Kara asks and there is no malice in her voice. It is just pure disbelief because Lena let her down too many times. She left her that’s what she did. She left her alone for months. If someone asked Lena before the reveal of Kara’s identity, if there was something that Kara Danvers could do to make her want to stop being friends, she would have said no without a second thought. Because their friendship didn’t have any limits until it did. The lies broke Lena and she broke Kara. She thought true love has no boundaries and maybe it doesn’t because she never stopped loving Kara, not even for a moment, she can see it now. Kara has to see it too.</p><p>“Kara you are my best friend, the most important person in my life and I know what I did is unforgivable and maybe this isn’t the right time to talk about it. I promise that we will have this conversation properly but if we want to survive here you have to know how sorry I am. I am so sorry Kara. I wish I could take it all back but I can’t. I was hurt and I will explain to you another time why I reacted this way. But now you have to believe me when I say that I will never leave you again.”   </p><p>There are new tears in Kara’s eyes, probably for a completely different reason.</p><p>“I’m… I’m sorry too. I’ve never wanted…” It’s obvious that now isn’t the right time for this conversation.</p><p>“It’s okay. I believe you. You don’t have to explain everything now.”</p><p>They stay silent for a while. Kara always brought her comfort. Lena could be having the worst day ever and one visit from Kara during lunch would make everything okay again. Now it’s different because she can feel Kara’s body and Lena never thought it was possible that another person could feel like that. There is a strange comfort, a feeling that she belongs here. She feels safe when everything around them points the opposite. In no case that means that she feels good, all the terrible feelings are still here.</p><p>“Does it hurt?” Kara asks after some time. Her eyes so blue and full of concern. She sounds more like Kara now.</p><p>Lena knows exactly what she means. This isn’t about whatever conversation they had about their feelings.</p><p>“Yes, but not too much,” Lena says because it’s better to acknowledge what happened between them, what they were forced to do, than hide behind it.  “I think the water helps.” She still feels sore after being in uncomfortable positions for some time but it’s all better now. “How are you?”</p><p>“Same,” Kara answers and maybe it’s better to talk about it. “We are okay, right? I mean you are not angry or anything?” Now Kara looks so anxious like her life depends on Lena’s answer.</p><p>“Oh Kara, of course I’m not angry about that.” She was so concerned about how Kara would feel about her after what happened today that she forgot that Kara would be afraid of the same things. When she said she felt dirty it was really hard for Lena to not make the conclusion that Lena made her dirty, almost impossible. “It was not our fault,” she says that for both of them. She has to constantly remind herself.</p><p>“I know it should be obvious but it isn’t. It’s okay if…” She hesitates and Lena will give her time. “It’s okay if we continue telling each other that? I just… I need this.” She sounds desperate.</p><p>“Of course, Kara. I think it is a very good idea.” If they are going to continue, they both need this. The thing is it will get worse, Lena knows it but she can’t tell Kara. They will have to actually film scenes and probably with other people too.</p><p>“I just don’t want to lose you again,” and now she is crying again. She hugs Lena, puts her arms around her neck as if they were not close enough. It breaks Lena’s heart because she did this, she made her think that she could lose her.</p><p>“You won’t,” Kara has to believe her, “I promise.”</p><p>“It was like I lost you in there,” Kara’s voice is so low that if they weren’t so close, she wouldn’t hear it. “It was like it wasn’t you again.” The problem is that Lena knows exactly what she means. These past months when they saw each other Kara didn’t see Lena her best friend she saw Lena Luthor the villain. She has no idea how she looked like when they were having sex but it was a very different situation.</p><p>“I told you I wasn’t really there. I think I dissociated.” It’s hard to explain because she always knows exactly what she’s doing and for the first time that wasn’t the case. “I just couldn’t stand what she made you do, the fact that she was in that room, how she talked to you, how she threatened you.”</p><p>“I know,” Kara takes a deep breath and looks at her again, “but still at the time everything was so confusing.”</p><p>“You didn’t look like yourself either. Not that it’s a bad thing,” the last thing she wants is for Kara to feel like she did something wrong, “I don’t think we could be ourselves at the moment.”</p><p>When the water starts getting cold, they find some towels in the bathroom that are surprisingly soft. Lena decides to take a better look at the apartment. There are windows this time that she can actually look outside from. As the red sun sets, she sees people walking outside. There is grass and trees and it actually looks nice. She can see a big wall in the end of the yard that is almost as tall as the building she’s in. So, the cage is larger than she expected.</p><p>There is a screen next to their door that works like a tablet. Lena clicks on the screen and it looks like a catalogue. There are options like food, clothes, furniture, entertainment. She clicks on the food because she remembers she’s starving and there is actually a menu to choose for next few days. She picks their breakfast and dinner for tomorrow. But where it will come from? Then she sees it. It’s like a small door in the size of a box next to the tablet. She opens it and there is food inside. It must have been here since they came. The other opening of the box seems locked of course. Lena goes back to the tablet. There is also an option for groceries if they want to cook.</p><p>The other catalogues don’t have many options that she can click yet. She feels like she’s inside of a video game and she hasn’t unlocked all the rewards yet. She picks some clothes from the few options that they have at the moment. All the options in the entertainment section are still locked and she can’t choose any new furniture. The only option that she has is if she wants to trade the one bed for two but she ignores it. She will have to ask Kara about it another time.</p><p>She finds Kara in what it is their new bedroom apparently. She looks more calm now, more focused. She’s wearing some shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair is still wet from the shower. Lena is holding their dinner that’s some sandwiches and sweats. She ordered pizza for tomorrow to cheer them up.</p><p>Lena joins Kara on the bed and they start eating in silence.</p><p>“I was not prepared for what happened today,” Kara says and she sounds distant and detached like she needs space to have this conversation without crying again. “Last night, I thought I was but I wasn’t apparently.”</p><p>“There was no way we could have been,” Lena says.</p><p>“Yes, maybe that’s true but the thing is she wants to break us. This is their plan and maybe it worked because we decided to do whatever they want.” Kara is right it definitely worked. “I just hate that I let her get inside my head. They will see everything else, I can’t let them see who I am, what I want.” She whispers the last part and Lena doesn’t really understand how they saw what Kara wants.</p><p>“It was just the first day,” Lena says and she instantly regrets it. Is that supposed to make Kara feel better? That it was just the first of so many days that they will be forced to have sex. “I mean it will get easier.”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“Do you think they are listening?” Kara asks.</p><p>“I don’t think so. I think there are many people like us here.”</p><p>“But we are not two random girls.” No, they are not and Lena thought about it already but still the chances of escape seem so low that it doesn’t worth watching them constantly.</p><p>“Honestly, who knows?” she answers. Because it’s easier to say that.</p><p>“How do you think we got here? I mean on this planet?” Kara’s questions seem planned like she wants to discuss certain subjects fast.</p><p>“There must be a transmatter portal somewhere on this planet.”</p><p>“That’s what I thought.”</p><p> Both of them are too tired and sad to discuss the impossibility of their escape at the moment so Lena doesn’t say anything else. Because the portal could be anywhere on this fucking planet and they are locked in a room with guards outside and a huge wall around the whole area.</p><p>Kara softens after a while and moves closer to Lena. They deserve a break and Kara is the only thing that brings her comfort here. It’s weird because that was also true when she was on Earth, when she was free. She dismisses the thought before it gets too uncomfortable. Kara has a question in her eyes. She awkwardly moves her hand over Lena but she’s not touching her yet. She turns on her side and she freezes. Is she blushing? Kara is like the sweetest person in the universe and when Lena doesn’t move, she looks like she is going to cry again. Lena would never deserve a friend like Kara. She quickly turns on her side and closes the distance between them and lets Kara spoon her. Lena can feel her body relax at Kara’s touch. Kara is so gentle as she finds Lena’s hand and holds that too. She leaves a kiss on Lena’s shoulder and then buries her face there. Now there are new tears in Lena’s eyes and she’s thankful that Kara doesn’t comment on them, she just holds her impossibly closer. Lena falls asleep like that and as absurd as it sounds, she feels safe.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!<br/>When I started writing this story I didn't plan to share it with anyone but I'm glad I did because it seems like some of you want to read it. I also want to thank eveyone who left comments and kudos! I appreciate it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lena’s body is moving on its own the next morning. She finds the breakfast that she ordered last night and they eat on the couch. Kara is right, they can’t let their feelings get in the way. They have a plan and if someone could escape from this place it’s Supergirl. It seems like if they cooperate, they will let them go around and talk to others. Maybe they will let them go for a walk outside. In any case they will have to “work” with other people and that will help them gather information.</p><p>That bitch will continue to fuck with their minds till they become obedient puppets ready to perform whatever weird porn thing they will ask them to. And yes, maybe that’s what they agreed to do but there is no other option and it seems better to not completely lose themselves in the process.</p><p>So, when they get to the room again, they are nothing like the day before. Kara is already in character when they enter the room and Lena, well, she definitely feels different. Maybe it’s that this time she knows that Kara won’t blame her and it’s so dumb that from their whole situation Kara’s reaction is what she fears the most. That and Kara getting hurt obviously. Because Kara is the most amazing, kind and loving person that Lena knows and doesn’t deserve any of this. But these are exactly the thoughts that she shouldn’t be having right now.</p><p>Lena doesn’t know what they are supposed to do again in this room. It feels like a test that they have to pass. It makes sense that the “training” isn’t over because Kara was crying yesterday and they can’t have people crying on set. It’s complicated because passing the test means that they will have to film actual porn and she really doesn’t want to do that and at the same time this is their goal.</p><p>“I see we are all in a better mood today,” the woman says with an annoying smirk that Lena wants to punch. “So, I want you to try a few things. There are technical stuff that can wait for later. For now, I want you to try to be hot, to seduce each other.”</p><p>Lena can be hot, she has been in the past. It’s just so awkward in front of someone and in front of Kara who is not interested in her like that. They have to try and give her what she wants so they can move on. If they don’t, there would be more threats and tears and it’s better to just go with it. So, she turns and she sees Kara who looks so good but she also sees the other person that Kara pretends to be. She moves closer and she takes Kara’s hands in hers. They sit on the bed and Lena wants to feel Kara. She places her hand on her and she starts exploring. If she stays on the right mindset, she can do it. She smiles in a playful and kinda fake way and Kara starts leaving small sounds now that Lena is touching her breast. She plays with her shirt until she helps Kara take it off. Kara’s body is amazing. She is so strong even without the yellow sun. Her abs are amazing and Lena has to feel them. Kara looks like she enjoys what’s happening but Lena knows better than to believe that. Her own sounds and smile are fake, they are just a way to make it look good. But the attraction that she feels is very real and Kara is so close to her. She wants to see her, to see all of her. So, she takes her bra off and feels her breasts. She doesn’t remember doing that the day before. She wants to put her face there so she takes a nipple in the mouth. Kara makes some delicious sounds that do something to Lena. She must be so wet already.</p><p>When she moves and just looks at Kara, Kara isn’t exactly like before and she’s looking at her lips. No, she wouldn’t do that, it doesn’t make sense. But the thought takes Lena back to reality with her best friend half naked in front of her while someone else is forcing them to have sex. But also, in the reality that she loves Kara so much and the thought of kissing her used to be a dream and now there is something inside her brain screaming that she shouldn’t do it. They stay frozen like that for a few moments and Lena doesn’t know how to go back to whatever she was doing before.</p><p> It seems that Kara recovers faster because she pushes her on her back and somehow, she took her shirt and her bra off. Now, her mouth is all over Lena. She can feel her tongue on her neck, on her breasts, she’s just everywhere. She moves down and Lena is completely naked and Kara is looking at her like she wants her, like she actually finds her attractive. Kara smiles and she must be teasing her because there is no other explanation for this behavior. She is licking her tights now and she avoids the place that Lena wants her. Oh, she wants her so much. When she finally gives her what she wants Lena is sure that she hasn’t seen anything hotter in her whole life than Kara between her legs. It feels so good, Lena could stay like that all day. But every good feeling is accompanied with so much guilt and shame. One moment Lena enjoys herself and the next she realizes where she is.</p><p>Kara must be better at faking it than she thought because she looks amazing. She spreads Lena’s legs, she teases and she licks. All the innocence is gone from her face and her usual shy friend isn’t really here.</p><p>When they have tried a few things, they stop. The woman nods, exits the room and lets them take a break. Someone brings them snacks and something to drink. She stayed more present this time but still she doesn’t feel real. This couldn’t be her life.</p><p>“Hey, how are you?” Kara asks as they eat.</p><p>“I have been better,” Lena says and maybe it’s better to make jokes.</p><p>“It’s okay. We’ve got this.” Kara squeezes her hand and offers a small smile. Nothing will ever be okay again but whatever.</p><p>When the resume “practice” it’s different because now the woman explains them some things. Like how they have to cum when they are asked to. They don’t have to have an actual orgasm. The important thing is to make these weird sounds that nobody ever makes during sex. They spend some time practicing that and it’s ridiculous and humiliating and Lena can’t wait to get it over with.</p><p>When they get back to their apartment, Lena is exhausted. She feels empty, like there is nothing left inside of her. Kara must be in a similar state of mind because she hasn’t said anything since they left. Her face doesn’t show any emotion right now and maybe it’s better than crying as she did yesterday. No, it’s definitely better. This is their plan, to push whatever they are feeling aside and survive.</p><p>“Do you want to take a shower?” Lena manages to ask after some time.</p><p>Kara nods and Lena isn’t sure if she meant together but Kara waits for her at the bathroom door and she really doesn’t want to be alone right now. She doesn’t want to stay away from Kara. For one more time she sees her body moving but she doesn’t understand exactly what’s happening. Kara being there certainly helps. They undress and this time it doesn’t feel that weird. Probably the fact she doesn’t feel anything at all has something to do with it.</p><p>They get into the bathtub afterwards because it was the one thing that managed to calm them down yesterday. Lena slowly comes backs to herself. She’s afraid that Kara will start crying again and when it doesn’t happen, she looks at her to see if something is wrong. Her Kara is back now, the one who is soft and shy and self-conscious. She searches for Lena’s hand and when she finds it, she squeezes and holds it tight.</p><p>“So, I was thinking that they must use a portal to bring people here and also to distribute the porn,” Kara says and Lena didn’t expect this conversation so soon. She thought that Kara wouldn’t be able to recover so fast.</p><p>“That must be the case.” Lena looks around the room and Kara must have sensed her discomfort.</p><p>“I searched the room,” she says with a certainty in her voice, “I don’t think there are any hidden microphones but if it makes you feel better,” she says as she opens the tub again. “The thing is that the existence of this place isn’t really a secret.”</p><p>“But no one knows that we are here or that they hold people against their will.”</p><p>“Yes, exactly,” Kara says. “I know for certain that they open the portal to Earth, but we don’t know how often or when.”</p><p>“Or if they do that at all. Maybe Lex told them to do it just to bring us here.” It seems hopeless to talk about the portal.</p><p>“Well, they do because there is alien porn on Earth and I’m pretty sure it’s coming from this place.”</p><p>“How do you know that?” That’s a dumb question but Lena couldn’t stop herself.</p><p>“I…” Kara is blushing. How is that possible? They are about to film their own scenes but she doesn’t want to admit that she watched. “It wasn’t…”</p><p>“It’s okay Kara, I got it.” Lena smiles at that because Kara’s reaction is so sweet and she doesn’t know how this person can possibly exist.</p><p>“It’s not that… It was a long time ago. Mon-El brought it home as a joke and we… watched.” Now Kara is red and she has a smile on her face and it hits Lena that this is the first light conversation they had since they came here.</p><p>“Probably our movie won’t reach Earth. They are not that stupid.”</p><p>“I hope so! Can you imagine if Alex watched?” Kara chuckles and Lena has missed this sound so much. It’s definitely better to make joke about the situation.</p><p>“Yeah, I mean she would kill me the moment we escaped,” now it’s Lena’s turn to laugh.</p><p>“I would never let her do that,” Kara’s smile is so soft, “I will always protect you, remember.” Lena can pinpoint the moment that the words register to Kara, the moment she realizes what she just said. Her smile disappears into something neutral almost sad.</p><p>Later, they sit on the couch and eat their dinner. Kara’s presence is soothing but still there are so many ugly thoughts in her head. The moment she manages to push them away and relax, the guilt consumes her. They are prisoners or something more close to slaves because they are forced to work for nothing. This is supposed to be torture, a punishment from her brother because she chose Kara and the truth is that it feels exactly like that most of the time. Is it so wrong to enjoy a moment with Kara while they are still here?</p><p>“Do you think they are ok?” Kara asks.</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Alex, our friends.” Not Lena’s friends. They used to be.</p><p>“You are afraid that Lex will try something?”</p><p>“Yes,” Kara says and she is looking at the window.</p><p>“He mostly cares about hurting you and your cousin… and me apparently. Now that he got us, I think he will leave the rest of them alone.” It’s the truth. Lex brought them here because of what Lena did. He wanted to humiliate her, to take everything from her.</p><p>“I just… I hate that I can’t help them. If something happens while we are here…”</p><p>“No, don’t think about that. They will be fine. They know how to protect themselves.”</p><p>“What about other people who can’t? I was supposed to protect them.” Kara looks hopeless, like this is what hurts the most. The fact that she isn’t able to help other people. Of course, Kara is Supergirl. Who else could be so selfless that throws themselves in danger every day to save others? Lena can’t believe that she didn’t see it, for years. Everything about Supergirl is just so Kara in a way that probably wouldn’t make sense to someone else. But Lena can see it now.</p><p>“Kara, look at me,” she does and her eyes are so blue and sad, “you are not responsible for everyone on Earth. I know that this is important to you and it is a part of who you are but this isn’t your fault. You help people because you want to not because you have to do it.”</p><p>“It’s more complicated,” Kara says but she doesn’t elaborate on that and it makes sense. The whole Supergirl thing isn’t something they are comfortable with. Lena doesn’t know how she feels about it because there was no time to think about that. She understood she made a mistake and that’s why she searched for Kara in the first place. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, that it is okay that Kara lied.</p><p> The difference is that now Lena won’t let it get in the way and she doesn’t really have any other choice. The thought of losing Kara again, the thought of leaving her alone here makes her sick.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Lena wakes up in Kara’s arms again and for some brief moments where sleep makes her forget their situation she smiles. She’s never felt more at peace and when reality comes back to her, she finds her previous thoughts disgusting. She’s not supposed to like being around Kara like that. Kara wants to cuddle for comfort. It doesn’t mean anything.</p><p>When Lena tries to get up, Kara’s hold tightens and she makes a sound that Lena doesn’t know what it means.</p><p>“Hey… Oh I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to,” Kara finally says as she realizes what she did and takes her arms off Lena.</p><p>“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” Lena turns to her other side to look at her. Kara is blushing again. Maybe the whole sleeping together thing is too uncomfortable for her.</p><p>“I just… I was sleeping and… it makes me feel… it helps me sleep,” the last thing that Lena wants is to make Kara feel bad for seeking comfort.</p><p>“Kara honestly it’s okay, I feel the same way.”</p><p>“If you want, we can have two separate beds. We just have to click the right option on the tablet,” now Kara is staring somewhere behind Lena.</p><p>“No,” Lena says and it comes out more demanding than what she intended it to be. She doesn’t want Kara to feel pressured to sleep with her even if it is the only reason that Lena managed to get some sleep the last few days. But it seems like Kara wants to be close to her and there is no reason to oppose to that. “It helps me sleep too.”</p><p>Kara softens after that and offers a small smile to Lena. Lena always longed for waking up next to Kara. She was always a little sad when she had to leave Kara’s apartment with everyone else and it didn’t have anything to do with her attraction to Kara. Kara’s bed was just the most comfortable place on Earth. It was also the only place that she could imagine herself feeling safe and that was long before she learned her best friend is bulletproof. Now, she gets to wake up next to Kara, but at what cost?</p><p>Lena understands that today will be different the moment she enters their “training” room because she sees two girls. They are laughing and smiling for some reason and when they see them, they immediately introduce themselves.</p><p>They are actually quite lovely and kind. They ask them some general questions about where they are from or how long they have been here or they just compliment their hair. Lena doesn’t really know what to say because she didn’t expect to have a normal conversation. Kara is more willing to talk to them and she answers their questions without giving out information that could get them in trouble. They would look exactly like humans if it wasn’t for the green lines in their arms and they are fluent in English.</p><p>This time there is coffee in the room and they offer them some. It becomes obvious after some time that they are here to help them with some practical information about the “job”. It is also obvious that they are not here against their will and they are not looking for an escape. Lena isn’t sure if they are aware of the world outside of this place but she isn’t going to ask. Who knows how many people are watching them?</p><p>“You are so lucky you got to be actors right from the start,” one of them says and she sounds excited.</p><p>“Of course, they would be actors, just look at them, they are gorgeous,” says the other one and gives them a genuine smile.</p><p>“We just get so much more stuff than the others with less work.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t listen to everything they say when it gets too uncomfortable. It looks like a normal day at work or a get-together between friends. Kara must have sensed her discomfort because she reaches for her hand. The gesture immediately gets their attention because they sound really excited.</p><p>“You guys are so cute together,” one of the girls says, Lena isn’t sure witch one, “the first time I filmed a scene it was with my boyfriend and it made it easier for me. It doesn’t help everyone but it worked for me.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t really have the heart to tell her that no, Kara isn’t her girlfriend and she never will be or that they are prisoners here or that they give them nothing compared to what their movies make. Kara surprisingly doesn’t comment on it either.</p><p>When this nonsense ends, they move on to the most practical aspects of their meeting. The girls must have been instructed to show them some basics about how to position themselves towards the camera and how to make everything look and sound better in general. It doesn’t really help because Lena can’t pay attention to what they are saying the whole time and it gets really awkward when they start showing them stuff. She isn’t sure what is more awkward to watch others fuck or be watched. It’s definitely easier and less humiliating to watch. Also, she gets to keep her clothes on this time. They don’t actually perform, it’s more like ‘you should stand here when she is there’ stuff.</p><p>Kara is more focused but Lena can tell that she is uncomfortable as they watch how to finger someone without ruining the view. They also show them how to use certain toys after reassuring them that they won’t ask them to do something like that in their first scenes.</p><p>After their training session they take them to a room that looks like an office. Lena goes in first and it’s the first time they separate them. Lena wishes she could hold Kara’s hand and that thought scares her. She has become so dependent on Kara and while it’s not her fault the fact stays the same.</p><p>The man sitting behind the desk who is probably her boss or her manager is older than anyone who she has seen here. He explains some stuff about work and rewards like this is a normal job and she can quit anytime she wants. They are getting a new tv apparently and they can buy movies as rewards from their tablets.</p><p>“I think it’s better for everyone involved that your girlfriend is here and you will film your first movie with her,” Lena can’t understand why it’s better this way or why it matters to them. Also, everyone thinks that Kara is her girlfriend and that keeps reminding her of their real situation. Lex must have told them that they are dating or something and Lena doesn’t know if he actually believed that or this is just one more way of torturing her. It’s not like they ever acted in a way similar to people in romantic relationships. Probably Lex mentioned something and they also held hands a few times so it makes sense. “But that can’t always be the case. You know that?”</p><p>“Yes.” Of course she does, but she doesn’t want to think about it. Maybe they will have escaped before that.</p><p>Lena knows the reason that they let them stay together or the reason that they won’t have to have sex with anyone else just yet. It’s not that they care about them or their feelings. They are more productive this way and the sooner they start filming the better for whoever makes profit from this. Lena knows all this and she hates how it actually worked. There are moments that she thinks that they shouldn’t have complied so easily but what else she could have done? Let them torture them and kill them in the end? She wonders if there was ever a possibility of them dying. Maybe not that day, they would give them more chances for sure but this place doesn’t seem to keep people around who don’t have a job.</p><p>“I’m glad we have no such a problem with you. I’m sure that you and Kara make a great team but no one can work with just one person.”</p><p>“Just one thing. No other girls.” Lena doesn’t know from where this came from because if it’s not Kara why it matters.</p><p>“We’ll see what we can do about that,” he writes something in his notes, “we will take your request into consideration.”</p><p>Kara’s turn to get in the office was next and when they get into their apartment someone places a tv and a new tablet in their living room. The man told them that they have two days off and then they will start filming. The new tablet has a limited but familiar selection of movies and tv series.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Do you think we should talk about it?” Kara asks the following day as they are eating pancakes in front of their new tv.</p><p>“You mean about…”</p><p>“About what we will have to do in two days,” Kara interrupts her.</p><p>“Yeah, we probably should.”</p><p>“I just really don’t want to do it. I hate that people will watch it. I hate that it will be a thing that exists for other people’s entertainment. And that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do it, there is no reason to fight back. They will just put us in a room again till they break us and we will break Lena. I’m only telling you that because I want you to know how I feel.”</p><p>“I hate it too,” Lena admits, “I hate that they try to make us feel normal, I hate how it works.”</p><p>“It works and it’s so annoying. The food, the new clothes that I picked last night they are all great.”</p><p>“I wish I could hate everything about this place.”</p><p>“Hey! No that can’t be the answer. I know that we should be miserable the whole time but I just can’t. We can still,” she hesitates, “we can still be us.”</p><p>It amazes Lena how similar their minds work. How Kara always know what to say to make Lena feel better.</p><p>“There is still an us?”</p><p>“It can be,” Kara averts her gaze.</p><p>Lena feels so stupid for asking but she doesn’t know how many times she has to hear it in order to believe it.</p><p>“So, we are still friends?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kara smiles shyly.</p><p>“You don’t hate me?”</p><p>Now Kara is looking directly into her eyes.</p><p>“I could never hate you Lena.” It melts Lena’s heart because she always hated herself. Even before realizing what she did to Kara. And now Kara is in front of her, telling her she doesn’t hate her after everything she did. It’s overwhelming.</p><p>“I know what I did is unforgivable.”</p><p>“Maybe and don’t get me wrong. It still hurts but I just can’t.”</p><p>“Do you?” Kara asks after a while and her voice is so low and vulnerable. “Do you hate me I mean,” she clarifies when Lena doesn’t respond. It isn’t possible that Kara is asking her that. Not after Lena asking for forgiveness, not after these last days. Or maybe it is. Because Lena acted like that. She did everything she could to make Kara feel like that.</p><p>“No!” Lena says and she doesn’t care if it sounds desperate because Kara has to know. “I tried,” she admits and she is so ashamed of it. “It was impossible. I thought I did but even in my worst moments I still cared about you.”</p><p>Kara takes a deep breathe and she tries to touch her glasses but they are not on her face and they haven’t been since they got here.</p><p>“I know what I did was wrong. I never wanted to hurt you but I did. There are many explanations that I could give you and maybe none of them would be good enough. I wanted to protect you but I was also a coward. And sometimes I was just a girl who wanted to hang out with her best friend and I needed to feel normal for a while.”</p><p>Lena understands now. It hurts but she can see why Kara kept her identity a secret.</p><p>“I believe you now. When I found out, I felt like you didn’t want me and I couldn’t understand why.” Because Lena always wanted her. She didn’t expect Kara to feel the same way but she at least expected that her best friend was honest with her.</p><p>“No, it’s not that. I was afraid and I couldn’t imagine my life without you and then it happened. You found out and my worst fear came true. I would never hurt you on purpose Lena but you did.” She doesn’t sound angry, she’s sad.</p><p>Lena wants to hug her and hold her and make it okay but she hesitates. She has never seen Kara like that or maybe she has but she didn’t listen then. Because Kara begged for forgiveness and she didn’t give it to her.</p><p>“When you used kryptonite on me it’s not that I wanted to die,” Kara chuckles and Lena never thought Kara’s laugh could be so sad. “I just didn’t want to live in a world that you wanted to kill me.” Lena thinks that Kara is trying to hold back tears.</p><p>“No, Kara,” she takes her hand in hers and she squeezes because Kara has to feel it. “I never wanted to kill you. I could never do that.”</p><p> “I know, it’s just that since we are talking about everything, I wanted to tell you that.”</p><p>“You can tell me anything you want,” Lena smiles. She realizes now that it’s better to talk than hold everything inside. If only she did that when she found out.</p><p>“You can tell me anything you want too.”</p><p>Lena can do it. There is one more thing that she wants to say.</p><p>“You have to understand that most of the people that I have loved have hurt me. The only person that I felt safe with was you. It never crossed my mind that you would lie to me about something like that. Also, you know that me and Supergirl had some issues. It’s funny how I still see you as two different people. I couldn’t trust Kara and I couldn’t trust Supergirl. The betrayal destroyed me and then the only thing I wanted was to make the pain go away.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I never wanted to do that,” Kara says and she can see the tears in her eyes.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Kara listens carefully and she moves closer. She moves her hands around Lena and then she stops. Then Lena closes the distance and hugs her best friend. Maybe she’s crying too now.</p><p>“The only thing that I wanted was to protect you. And it seems like I constantly fail at that,” Kara’s voice breaks as she says that and that breaks Lena’s heart all over again.</p><p>“No, that’s not your fault. We have enough things to blame ourselves for. We are okay now, me and you and that’s what matters.”</p><p>“We are okay,” Kara says like she wants to believe it and she hugs Lena even tighter.</p><p>They stay like that for a while and then Kara picks a movie. It’s easy to pretend this is a normal day for them. Kara on the couch next to her, doing nothing all day, constantly touching. Kara orders so much food and smiles when Lena looks at her. Their conversation from earlier isn’t forgotten but everything feels lighter now. The thing is that what’s happening now was never a normal day for them. They never had lazy mornings together because they were not together, they were just friends. They are still friends now but they live together so it happens. It aches Lena seeing something that looks like what she wanted for so long.</p><p>She wonders if that’s what her life is going to be from now on. She will spend some time being filmed having sex and then she will spend the rest of the time with Kara. There are worse things that could happen to her and she hates herself for that thought. It’s like Kara can make even the worst situation better just by being there. She meant what she said to her. The fact that they are friends again means everything to her.</p><p>“I think that we will just have to go there, do what they say and deal with it,” Lena says after two movies and a pizza. She doesn’t know why she said that. It was obvious.</p><p>“It’s easier to say that than do it.”</p><p>“I think you can do it. You were much more focused than me the other day.”</p><p>“I guess I had a lot of practice,” Kara blushes when she realizes what she said and she can’t possibly mean that. “Oh no Lena, that came out wrong.”</p><p>“Really?” Lena laughs. </p><p>“I meant that when I have to fight someone, I don’t let myself lose focus because I’m afraid. I push my feelings aside and it kind of works.”</p><p>“So, I had sex with Supergirl?” Lena teases. Kara blushes again and looks at the tv again.</p><p>“No! It’s not like I’m two different people but sometimes it feels like I am. Look, it’s complicated. When I’m Supergirl I feel more confident and strong and people treat me differently.” She stops and now she avoids Lena’s eyes for a completely different reason.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay you can talk to me about that.” The wound is still fresh but they can’t avoid the subject forever. They made so much progress today.</p><p>“What I wanted to say is that I know how to put some parts of myself aside in order to do something. When that women told me to touch you every part of me screamed no.” Kara’s voice sounds different. All the playfulness and the shyness gone. “But when she threatened your safety, I had to do it. It didn’t matter how much I hated that she was there, that she was watching, that you didn’t want to. I had to do it because I knew that if it wasn’t me, it would be someone else who could hurt you. And you had agreed to it and while I knew that this wasn’t something you would actually choose to do, you preferred it to be this way.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t know how to respond to that. How to say that she doesn’t have a problem with Kara touching her. It was the way it happened that was horrible. It doesn’t really matter anyway, they are never going to do something like that recreationally.</p><p>“I know what you mean, I know how it feels to push my feelings aside.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then next morning when Lena wakes up her face is on Kara’s neck. Kara must have woken up before her because she slowly turns around without putting much space between them. She’s smiling.</p><p>“Good morning,” Kara says.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>It feels so good to be this close with Kara. Her body is so soft and warm.</p><p>“I thought we could just relax today.”</p><p>“What else we could do?”</p><p>“You know what I mean. I don’t want to think about any of our problems today.”</p><p>Kara is so sweet asking for some time with Lena. They can pretend for a while, they both need this.</p><p>“I’m going to bring us breakfast,” Kara says and quickly moves out of the bed.</p><p>Kara ordered pancakes again and she’s trying to eat as many as she can.</p><p>“You know, without your super metabolism you can’t continue eating like that,” Lena says.</p><p>“Of course, I can,” Kara says with her mouth full. She’s adorable.</p><p>“We could order something healthier for lunch.” Lena has thought about it. If she’s going to be naked in front of others, at least she wants to look good. But she doesn’t say that to Kara because they agreed to not talk about these things today.</p><p>“Wait till we unlock potstickers on the menu. We won’t eat anything else ever again.” Kara laughs and Lena feels warmth inside of her.</p><p>Breakfast in bed is such a great idea. The red sun is bright today and Lena wishes they could take a walk. They have been informed that something like that will be possible in the future but they didn’t give them any further details.</p><p>They watch movies and they talk about nothing and in another world it could be a perfect day. There is this constant fear and pain that doesn’t let Lena relax completely. If Kara feels the same, she doesn’t show it. She’s nice and sweet and she smiles a lot.</p><p>“I’m going to take a shower,” Lena says as she stands up from the couch sometime during the afternoon. It’s not like they have something that tells the time but Lena is sure that there are less than 24 hours in a day.</p><p>“Wait,” Kara says and she follows Lena in the hall. She was nervous while they were watching tv. It must be about the shoot tomorrow.</p><p>“Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I…” She’s trying to find the glasses in her face again but obviously they are not there. Lena thought about ordering a pair as a joke but maybe it’s too soon. “I wanted to ask you something.” Now she stares at the floor.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“I was wondering if it would be better…” Kara’s face is red and Lena doesn’t understand what could have caused this.</p><p>“You can ask me anything you want,” Lena says and she hopes her voice sounds calm and soothing.</p><p>She takes a deep breath and she looks into Lena’s eyes.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Lena isn’t sure if she’s breathing anymore. She must have heard wrong but no, Kara’s voice was firm and clear.</p><p>She looks desperate like what Lena will answer matters to her. When Lena doesn’t answer because she doesn’t remember how to form a coherent sentence, Kara takes a step back and she closes her eyes for a moment.</p><p>“Oh, Lena no, you don’t have to do that. I’m sorry. I thought that it would be better if it was just us this time because we are going to have to do that anyway. I’m so so sorry Lena.” Kara looks like she will start crying any moment now.</p><p>Kara wants to kiss her. That’s impossible. Kara cares about how their first kiss is going to be.</p><p>“You must hate me now. You have done enough things that you don’t want to already. I’d never force you into anything.”</p><p>Kara looks like she’s ready to run and hide when Lena takes her hand in hers.</p><p>“It’s okay. I’m not mad,” Lena says.</p><p>“I’m so sorry. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. Forget I ever mentioned it.”</p><p>“No, I want to,” Lena says. She wants to say more, she wants to say that she wanted to kiss Kara from the moment they met but she bites her lip.</p><p>“You do?” Kara eyes widen.</p><p>“Yes. It would be better if it’s just us when it happens. Right?” Because that’s the only reason that Kara wants to kiss her. They will probably kiss tomorrow at some point.</p><p>Lena isn’t sure if Kara looks excited or disappointed or sad but something doesn’t make sense.</p><p>Lena moves closer and Kara after not knowing what to do with her hands for a moment she puts them behind Lena and holds her. It feels amazing to be this close to Kara. Her body relaxes immediately like it belongs there, in Kara’s arms.</p><p>Lena touches Kara’s chin and she hesitates for a moment. They look into each other’s eyes and Lena can’t believe what it is about to happen.</p><p>They close the distance at the same time and Lena feels Kara’s lips against hers. They are so soft and Lena has never kissed a girl before. Not that it matters. Lena knows it in her heart that she never wants to kiss anyone else ever again. She hasn’t wanted to anyway. Not since she met Kara.</p><p>Lena worries that she opened her mouth too soon but she can feel Kara’s tongue now and she forgets about it. The kiss deepens and Lena doesn’t care if she looks desperate. If this is her only chance to kiss Kara for real, she will take it.</p><p>It feels right in a way that has never been before, in a way that makes her want to tell her that she loves her. Because she does, oh she does. Kara is all she has ever wanted but she can’t say it. She hopes Kara can feel it, how much she means to her.</p><p>Kara reacts to her touch in a way that she didn’t expect. She’s trying to pull her impossibly closer. Could Kara want her for real? No, that’s not possible. How could someone like Kara ever want her? Even if she wasn’t straight and she is anyway.</p><p>Fuck, there are tears in her eyes and Kara must have felt them because she stops.</p><p>“Lena are you okay?” Kara asks and she looks so worried about her friend.</p><p>“Yeah, everything is just too much.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” Lena doesn’t know how Kara could have possibly hurt her with a kiss.</p><p>“No, it’s not your fault. I’m glad we did this,” she reassures her and Kara looks sad.</p><p>They don’t move and it gets awkward to just stand there.</p><p>“You were going to have a shower,” Kara finally says.</p><p>“Oh, yeah I will do that.”</p><p>When Lena comes out of the shower Kara is watching a movie. They don’t talk much and Lena notices that they don’t sit as close to each as they did before. The thought of Kara kissing her doesn’t leave her mind.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! Thanks for all the kudos and comments.</p><p>There would be three original characters with names in this fic and one of them is in this chapter. I don't want it to get too complicated and they won't be in a lot of scenes but I need at least three for the plot and since this isn't an AU I didn't want to use characters from Supergirl.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the first time since they came to this planet, they leave the building. The sets must be somewhere else. Lena can feel the air and the sun on her skin. She doesn’t know if she can get used to the red sun. It makes all the colors slightly different. Kara grew up on a planet with a red sun but the yellow sun gave her powers. Maybe she is as confused as Lena.</p><p>They get in a car that takes them to a place with smaller buildings. Some of them look like houses. They don’t exit the wall and the whole place is bigger than Lena imagined. She hasn’t seen any exit yet.</p><p>They enter a big house with a garden and a pool. Lena sees many people inside and everything they need to film a movie. The whole thing becomes too real suddenly and she turns to look at Kara. Once again, she doesn’t show any emotion but when she sees Lena’s discomfort she reaches for her hand. Things between them have been awkward since the kiss but they cuddled in bed so Lena supposes that they are okay.</p><p>A man comes closer. He is tall and his skin is light blue.</p><p>“Hey, I’m Jay. I’m the director.” He smiles and he offers his hand. Lena wonders how everyone speaks English so well. There are many aliens that work here but someone from Earth is behind this.</p><p>It takes her a moment but she understands what she is supposed to do and she shakes his hand. Kara does too.</p><p>“I can see that you are stressed. Don’t worry it’s completely natural. It happens to everyone. I’m sure you are going to be amazing.” He tries to encourage them and Lena is sure that he doesn’t know the truth about their situation. He seems friendly and he isn’t faking it.</p><p>“This isn’t something that we usually do,” Kara says.</p><p>“I know and you don’t have to worry about that. Everyone knows that it’s your first movie and we are not going to ask you to do something too complicated. I will explain the details later but you are supposed to look unexperienced in this one.”</p><p>This type of porn has a name. It could be amateur or something like that. Lena doesn’t know because she never really watched porn.</p><p>“You can go upstairs now to get ready and we can talk later.”</p><p>Getting ready is more complicated than Lena imagined. First, they told them that they would do something about body hair. Lena actually preferred to be smooth and she really did hate shaving so she had found more permanent solutions instead. She thought that they would just look at her and say that there was nothing more to be done. But what they are doing now it makes her furious. She didn’t even consider that she needed something like that on her arms. Kara looks as annoyed by the whole thing.</p><p>They give her to wear a skirt and a top that covers almost nothing and no bra. Then they take her to the hair and make-up. They tell Kara that the bangs have to go and that she should grow them out but they can do for now. They straighten Lena’s hair and they leave them down. Kara’s clothes look more normal because they give her jeans. It doesn’t matter, they will be naked most of the time anyway. At least the girls who helped them get ready were all friendly and nice. Probably it is a normal day at work for them.</p><p>“How are you?” Kara asks when they leave them alone for some minutes.</p><p>“Nervous.”</p><p>“Me too. There are so many people down there.”</p><p>“I have no idea how we will do this.”</p><p>“Let’s just focus on each other and get it over with,” Kara says because she always tries to make Lena feel better. “It will be over before you know it and we will go home to watch movies.”</p><p>Home, such a strange word. Where is her home anyway? Her penthouse in National City never felt like one neither the house she grew up. Their apartment-cell here actually has Kara in it so it fits the description much better.</p><p>“So, you have nothing to worry about,” Jay says when they go back downstairs. The three of them sit on the couch. “What I want you to do is simple. You are supposed to be friends fooling around in this big house and you will start having sex after a while.”</p><p>This must be a joke because it can’t actually be real life.</p><p>“There is no script today. We want a more natural outcome this time.”</p><p>“You won’t tell us exactly what to do?” Kara asks.</p><p>“No, the sex scenes are never scripted with many details. I will tell you where to go and I will give you a vague description of what I want to see.”</p><p>Lena wants to say something like what if they say no, what if they want to stop but she keeps it to herself. It’s pointless they will just lock them in a room again. Maybe it’s less humiliating now that they are filming. There are still guards and security cameras but most of the people here are just doing their jobs. And it’s not like similar jobs don’t exist on Earth. The only difference is that porn stars on Earth chose to do that. Maybe not all of them, Lena isn’t sure. There are probably some who didn’t have a choice. How could she ever know? She always had so much money.</p><p>That doesn’t mean that what’s happening to her now is okay.</p><p>“I know that you are nervous,” Jay continues when they don’t say anything. “You have to understand that this is one of the good jobs. I don’t know how you came here but it seems like you didn’t have any other choice. Most of the people who work on this place, work more hours than you for less benefits. As actors you just have to film some movies and then they will give you a great apartment and you will be able to go out a lot.”</p><p>Lena can see that he means well, his intentions aren’t selfish. Of course, if the movie turns out great, he will have benefits too.</p><p>“We were in a really difficult situation before we came here,” Lena says.</p><p>“Me too. My planet was almost destroyed from wars when they came and made their offer.”</p><p>That’s what Lena wanted to know. They don’t kidnap all of them, that would be too difficult. They find desperate aliens and bring them here. She turns to look at Kara and she can she that she feels the same. All these people here are not free, they think they have a choice but they don’t. Someone is taking advantage of them and now everything becomes more intense than it was before. Because they don’t have to escape just to save themselves, they have to save everyone.</p><p>For their first scene they can keep their clothes. They have to stay in the living room and start flirting and undress a little.</p><p>So, they start with shy looks and slightly touching. Kara moves her hands to feel her breasts. It feels good but then she sees the cameras and all these people. At least she doesn’t have to fake being embarrassed. It’s weird because Kara whose face gets red in any mention of sex is doing much better. Maybe she’s doing the Supergirl thing again. She tugs at her top and she exposes a nipple that hardens immediately when Kara touches her there. Kara’s other hand is on her thigh feeling the skin there.</p><p>“You are so fucking hot,” Kara says for some reason and she looks at her like she wants her. Then she takes her nipple on her mouth and the sounds that she makes drive Lena insane.</p><p>Lena wants to kiss her and it seems the only way to stop thinking about the fact that they are filming them right now. So, she does. She puts her hand on her face and pulls her up. When Kara’s lips find hers, she forgets how to breathe. It’s nothing like the kiss they had yesterday. This one is more dirty and it leads somewhere. Lena wants Kara to fuck her right now, she wants to feel her inside of her again and this time she wants to remember everything about it.</p><p>She takes Kara’s hand and guides it higher on her thigh. Kara looks at her for a moment and she bites her lip. Then she pushes her skirt up and tugs at her underwear so hard she tears the fabric.</p><p>She’s exposed now, they can see everything. But Kara is here and she kisses her again. This time it’s different, someone could say that it is sweet. She puts one hand on her back and starts tracing lines there, where they can’t see, while the other hand starts teasing her clit. Every gesture of Kara has a purpose, she’s trying to sooth Lena. It says that she’s here, that she cares about her, that they can get through this.</p><p>Kara spreads Lena wider, as they were instructed. She starts teasing her entrance too. Lena is wet, she can feel it. When she puts two fingers inside the angle is weird in order to let the camera record it and it doesn’t hit exactly the right spot but it feels good. Kara’s touch will always feel good. Lena loses her mind every time Kara holds her hand, of course it’s going to feel good when she’s deep inside of her.</p><p>“Take her top off,” someone who must be Jay says. Kara does with one move without taking her fingers out of Lena.</p><p>Now she doesn’t wear anything except that skirt on her middle. It seems like they don’t want to interrupt them to take it off.</p><p>Then Kara gets on her knees and Lena thinks her heart will stop. She starts using her mouth too and that actually feels amazing. When she thought that it can’t get any better it does. Lena forgets about the cameras for some seconds, she forgets where she is, the only thing she can remember is that amazing feeling coming from inside of her.</p><p>When it gets too much, she pushes Kara gently. She needs a moment and she’s relieved to hear cut.</p><p>Suddenly, she remembers where she is. She’s naked in front of all these people that wear clothes. Even Kara is dressed.</p><p>“Someone, get her a robe,” Kara says and she sounds demanding.</p><p>A guy does exactly that in a second. She quickly puts it on.</p><p>“Guys, you were amazing!” Jay says and he looks really excited. “They told me that there was some problem with you and you were so nervous before but that was really good. It won’t work as the first scene but let me worry about that.”</p><p>Lena hates that they were good, she hates that they did exactly what whoever keeps them here wants and most of all she hates that a part of her enjoyed the praise. She knows how her body looks like, she knows that she has a pretty face so, it makes sense that she looks good on camera. But it wasn’t only her looks that made it look good. They both tried to make it look good.</p><p>They take a break and there are people whose job is to bring them anything they want. Water, coffee, snacks. The girls from before fixe their makeup and they are ready to shoot again.</p><p>“I liked that dynamic so Kara keep your clothes on for the next one,” Jay says. “Bend her over against the kitchen counter.”</p><p>“Lena, I want to hear you more this time,” he says before they start.</p><p>Now Lena is completely naked and Kara, who’s still wearing her clothes, starts fucking her from the behind. She can’t see Kara or the camera because they are both behind of her. She becomes self-conscious about that position and it certainly doesn’t feel as good as before. She tries to focus on Kara but it’s really hard when she can’t see her. She knows that she can technically stop them but they will have to resume filming after a while. She can stop the sex anytime that’s what Jay told her and she believes him. But she can’t change the fact that they have to film the movie. So, she focuses on the task and starts making sounds for absolutely no reason. They eventually say cut and they move them to the couch again.</p><p>Now Kara has to take off her clothes too but she can continue fucking her the same way. The camera is in front of her this time. They said something about her tits. Lena isn’t sure but probably that’s why they told Kara to fuck her harder. As time passes Lena stops paying attention to what’s happening. Everything becomes a blur.</p><p>When the filming is done for the days she doesn’t remember exactly what she did at the end.</p><p>They go upstairs to get dressed. Kara closes the door behind them.</p><p>“How are you?” Kara asks.</p><p>“Tired.” There are so much more she could say. She could say how broken and humiliated she feels. There is no need. Kara knows.</p><p>“Same, I had forgotten how easily I get tired without my powers.”</p><p>It’s easier to not think about it because when she does, she wants to cry. She must look miserable because Kara closes the distance between them and hugs her.</p><p>“It’s okay now, it’s over,” Kara says with the softest voice Lena has ever heard. Well, it’s not over, it will happen again tomorrow and many days after tomorrow until they escape. If they ever escape.</p><p> </p><p>They hold hands on their way down. Some people talk to them but Lena doesn’t pay attention to what they or Kara say. When they finally get to their apartment and they close the door behind them, Lena feels that she can breathe again. She feels lost and she must haven’t moved for some minutes because Kara notices.</p><p>“Tell me what you need,” Kara says. There is so much concern in her eyes and Lena knows that she doesn’t deserve it.</p><p>“It’s okay, I’m sure you don’t feel great either.”</p><p>“Let me take care of you. Please.” Kara looks sad and it’s obvious how exhausted she is, mentally and physically. However, at the same time she seems focused and determined.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Kara takes her to the shower. When Lena starts to undress, she realizes how sore she is. Her discomfort must be clear in her face because Kara stops whatever she’s doing and looks at her.</p><p>“It hurts,” Kara says.</p><p>“Yes,” Lena admits. It does and it’s so much worse that the other times.</p><p>“Fuck, I’m so so sorry Lena,” Kara says and she sounds so broken like this is the worst thing that happened to her today. “I should have noticed. I knew that you weren’t that wet in the last scene and I kept going. I… I was so confused. It’s all so new to me and they kept asking for a better shot of your…”</p><p>“Hey Kara, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“I should have asked for some lube or something. I don’t know, I’ve never used anything like that before.”</p><p>“Me neither, it’s okay. If I was more focused, I would have said something. Next time we’ll know better.” Lena says as this is going to make them feel better.</p><p>“Let’s have a shower and we will see what we can do about it later.”</p><p>Kara doesn’t leave her side and she’s constantly checking up on her. Lena is thankful for that.</p><p>“Go lie on the bed and wait for me. I’m sure there is something here that will make you feel better.”</p><p>Lena goes to their bedroom and finds a t-shirt that she likes to wear. She has gotten more comfortable being naked around Kara, even if it’s still weird sometimes especially when they are alone. But she doesn’t bother to wear underwear or cover herself somehow.</p><p>“So, there is this gel,” Kara says as she enters the room. “I found it in the bathroom and it says it helps with situations like that. You have to apply it in… where it hurts. It might burn, I don’t know.” She shows her what she found.</p><p>“Thank you, Kara.”</p><p>“Do you want me to go? I can give you some privacy and I will be back when you tell me.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t want Kara to leave the room. It should be humiliating to do something like that in front of someone else but the thought of being alone right now terrifies her.</p><p>“No, I like it when you are close to me,” Lena answers and she sees blue sad eyes light up a little.</p><p>“I like it too,” Kara offers a small smile.</p><p>Kara puts the towel away and starts getting dressed. Lena averts her gaze. She has something else to do. She puts some gel on her hand and reaches down between her legs. It hurts touching herself down there but the gel helps. It feels like a skin moisturizer and it doesn’t burn. Kara is dressed and she is staring at something very interesting outside the window. Lena smiles.</p><p>“You can look at me now,” Lena says and Kara does.</p><p>“How are you?” Kara asks.</p><p>“I think it helps. Maybe I will put some more before bed.”</p><p>“That’s good.”</p><p>Lena wears the softest panties that she can find in this drawer and some shorts. They sit on their couch and Kara brings their food. Lena can’t believe what she’s seeing because she wasn’t the one who made the order last night.</p><p>“You asked for something healthier, so here it is. Chicken and some green stuff.” Kara chuckles. “I already miss my pizza.” Kara looks so pretty when she smiles. Well, she always takes Lena’s breath away but she hasn’t seen a somehow happy smile on her since yesterday.</p><p>“You’ll get used to it,” Lena says and she’s smiling too now.</p><p>“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she laughs again.</p><p>“On our next day off, I thought we could cook something.”</p><p>“You know how to cook?” Kara acts surprised.</p><p>“Some basic stuff.”</p><p>“It’s a great idea Lena.”</p><p>Have they ever cooked anything together? Lena can’t remember. There are so many things that best friends do that they have never done. There are also many things that best friends never do and they did and Lena isn’t even counting the last week. They usually ate take out at L-corp and that thought reminds Lena so many things she pushed away. There was a time that Lena had a life, she had a company, she had friends, she had boyfriends. But she was always working so much. Moving to national city didn’t change that. She was a CEO and a scientist and what she is now? A slut that fucks on camera. No, she shouldn’t think about herself like that because that would make Kara a slut too and she would never call Kara that word. Oh, Kara the nicest person that she knows, her best friend and the person who Lena loves so much, more that she has ever loved anyone. Kara who seems worried right now because she’s lost in her thoughts again. This is all Lex’s fault. He took her company, he took her life and the worst of all he brought Kara here. Of course, that’s not completely true because this is her fault too. She chose to work with Lex, she chose to betray her friends, she chose to betray Kara.</p><p>When they are done with their food, they haven’t talked in a while.</p><p>“Hey, I got something for us. I hope it will cheer you up,” Kara says and brings Lena back to reality.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Sweaters. They are the same shape but different colors. One blue and one red.” Kara says as she brings the sweaters from the box in the wall and Lena wants to cry because Kara chose matching sweaters for them.</p><p>“Touch them. They are so soft. Which one do you want or we could…”</p><p>“We could share,” Lena says and she smiles.</p><p>“Do you want to wear them now or?”</p><p>“Now.”</p><p>Lena wears the red one and Kara the blue one.</p><p>“You chose the Supergirl colors,” Lena says and she hopes it sounds playful and not accusatory.</p><p>“No, I didn’t!” Kara averts her gaze.</p><p>“I don’t mind. I love them!”</p><p>Kara is smiling and if Lena knew that matching outfits would make her that excited, she would have bought some years ago. But friends don’t do that.</p><p>“You look good on the blue one. It reflects in your eyes and makes them even more blue, if that’s possible.” She doesn’t usually compliment Kara on her appearance because what she could say ‘Hey Kara, you are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen’.</p><p>“You think that I look good?” She’s blushing. Kara can’t be serious, she should have known at least that much about what Lena thinks about her. Oh, Lena never told her.</p><p>“Yeah,” Lena smiles.</p><p>“Oh, thanks.” Kara is so pure, so sweet and Lena wants to hug her and she usually fights that urge. Not today. Lena moves closer and puts her hands around Kara’s neck and she can pinpoint the moment that Kara realizes what’s happening and relaxes.</p><p>Lena loves this, hugging Kara, sleeping with Kara, being around her all day. She never had this. She liked being alone, she always wanted her space even in her relationships there was a part of her that kept for herself. Maybe that’s the healthier approach to relationships in general, but Lena doesn’t know how to not give everything to Kara.</p><p>“What do you think about all these people here?” Kara asks later when they lie on their bed.</p><p>“I think most of them are nice.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s true. Do you think they want to be here?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” Lena has thought about it and it doesn’t surprise her that Kara has the same concerns. “I think they don’t know better.”</p><p>“You didn’t notice but I actually talked with a lot of people on the set during breaks.” Lena remembers Kara talking to people but she can’t recall anything they said. “Most of them came from planets that were destroyed and I don’t think that anyone else was kidnapped like us.”</p><p>“It makes sense,” Lena says, “it’s a huge risk that they took us. If people disappeared from planets like Earth, people would notice.”</p><p>“Yes, that’s why I’m surprised that they agreed to take us. We are too much work for them. They had to threaten us and spend so much time just to persuade us do the things they want while all the others are willing participants.”</p><p>“Exactly. For everyone else here being an actor is their dream job.”</p><p>“It makes sense,” Kara says, “I asked some people who work on the set and the girls from make-up and they work so much more than us.”</p><p>“Really? How much more?”</p><p>“I’m not sure but they told me that they had to go to film something else after we were done and I don’t think they give them many days off.”</p><p>“Jay mentioned it I think.”</p><p>“They were so tired Lena. They don’t deserve to be here.” Of course, Kara would notice these things. Lena was so focused to just get through the day that she didn’t pay attention to anyone else. She thought about it but she dismissed the thought soon after that. Kara however, was worried about everyone but herself and she’s always been like that, selfless, brave, a real hero.</p><p>“Kara, I know that seeing them like that when you can’t do anything about it is really frustrating. But I just want you to know how proud I am of you,” Lena says because Kara has to know. “You care so much about others that even when you have you own problems you put the others first. That’s what makes you a hero, not your powers.”</p><p>“You really believe that?” Kara’s eyes are so full of hope.</p><p>“I do. I know that you want to help them. I want the same thing.”</p><p>“So, you know that no matter what I can’t leave them here.”</p><p>“I know Kara. They will regret bringing us here,” Lena says and for the first time she has hope. She believes that there is an end to all of this. They need more time and information of course.</p><p>“Lex made them take us. You said it yourself, it is a huge risk.”</p><p>“He wanted to punish me for choosing you. I could have never imagined that he would take it this far.” Lex knew how much she loves Kara, he knew that seeing her like that would be torture.</p><p>“This isn’t just about you. He hates me, he hates Kryptonians. He had all this Kryptonite, he could have killed me but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to humiliate me and he found a way to hurt me even more.”</p><p>If this is supposed to make her feel better, it doesn’t. Maybe it’s not exactly because of her that Kara is here yet she could have stopped this. Kara never told her how Lex caught her. It was obvious he used Kryptonite on her. It would have been impossible to catch Supergirl otherwise. The only person that could have protected Kara was Lena. She’s the only one who knows how to make an anti-Kryptonite suit. And what she did with all that knowledge? Nothing. She left her best friend alone, she chose to work with Lex and when she finally understood that Kara isn’t the enemy, it was too late.</p><p>“It wouldn’t have worked without both of us here anyway,” Lena compromises and tries for once to not blame everything on herself. “They needed a way to threaten us.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Lena takes a better look of the set the next day. A lot of people are saying ‘hi’ to them and she realizes she doesn’t remember most of them. Kara however greets everyone and some of them by their names. They do look exhausted and Lena can’t believe that she didn’t notice before.</p><p>“I was thinking that since they don’t tell us exactly what to do,” Kara says and it’s obvious how much thought she put into her words, “we can avoid certain things that could hurt you today.” She takes a deep breath like she can’t decide how to say what she wants. “You have to try to stay focused and lead the situation.”</p><p>So, Kara is trying to say that she should fuck her today because otherwise it would hurt. The truth is that she is much better today and she told Kara many times that she is okay. But she is right, she is still sore and it would be better to avoid repeating what happened yesterday.</p><p>They don’t give her clothes this day and Jay says that they need a scene where she undresses Kara. When she is naked again, Lena realizes that she can get used to it and she’s not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. It’s still really embarrassing being naked in front of all these people and being filmed having sex. It’s easier than yesterday though and maybe in a month it won’t be embarrassing at all. She hates that she becomes what this place wants her to be but at the same time she can’t live with all this shame on a daily basis.</p><p>Lena starts by moving on top of Kara who is still fully clothed. She has no idea what she’s doing because she hasn’t paid attention to anything that they told her. Kara is looking at her and she can’t understand if she’s nervous or not. She tries to focus on her and think about what she wants to do with her. That’s the most difficult part for Lena because this is Kara. It would have been easier with someone else, someone who she didn’t love that much. Then it could have been a performance, something that her body does. But now, all these feelings make it extremely difficult for her.</p><p>She kisses Kara and she tugs at her clothes. Her movements are slow, teasing. When she takes off her shirt, she touches her nipple and both of them become hard. She stares like an idiot for a moment. Everything about Kara’s body is amazing, sometimes she can’t believe that someone can look that good. Her abs, her breasts, her skin. Everything about her is perfect. It feels like this is real, that Kara is hers but that thought doesn’t last long. They are on a fucking set and everything about this experience is pretense.</p><p>She takes a nipple on her mouth while she uses her hand on the other. Kara is making sounds now that Lena knows that they are fake, nobody sounds like that. She wishes a part of Kara’s reactions were real and she hates herself for that thought. She shouldn’t be thinking about her friend like that. She kisses Kara because she can’t stop herself, her lips are the best thing that Lena has ever tasted. She bites Kara’s bottom lip and Kara moans. That makes Lena’s desire to touch her so urgent, like she can’t breathe if she doesn’t feel all of her right now. She takes off the rest of her clothes quickly and with one small interruption because she’s hiding Kara with her body, she continues exploring. She’s suddenly more self-conscious than before because this is the first time that she’s going to touch Kara on camera and this is also the first time that she’s focused while doing it. The other times her mind took her somewhere else. It was a defense mechanism that she couldn’t control. The set is surprisingly a less humiliating and stressful environment and Lena stays focused. She teases her clit and then her entrance and fuck, Kara is so wet. Lena can’t believe that Kara actually enjoys what’s happening. Could Kara be attracted to her? Lena can’t really think about it right now because her desire consumes her. She wants to taste Kara and she does. She’s still confused about what she’s doing. She doesn’t know if it feels good, if it looks good, if Kara is okay.</p><p>She looks up to check on Kara because at least she can do that and she looks different. Her “Supergirl” confidence from before is gone. This is just her best friend being vulnerable. They exchange a look of acknowledgment of their situation that Lena is sure that no one else will notice. Lena finds her hand and squeezes.</p><p>Lena continues what she was doing. She tries to use her mouth and her fingers. Every part of Kara feels amazing and Lena really wants to show her that. She tries to remember what she enjoys doing on herself but it’s so difficult to find out what works while she has to remember to not hide Kara. When she feels Kara trembling and more wetness on her fingers Lena thinks that some part of it isn’t pretense.</p><p>Lena stops when Kara pushes her gently and they take a break.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Lena asks and regrets it immediately. What a stupid question, of course she isn’t.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kara says and she hesitates before continuing, “I mean I have been better but it’s not that bad.”</p><p>“Being on set isn’t as awful as it was with that woman.”</p><p>“Yeah, because they see us as persons here and not objects.”</p><p>Not everyone here is the same. There are people who have power and people who just work. Lena looks at the guards. There are only two of them and they stayed at the entrance. Nobody talks to them, it’s like everyone pretends that they are not here.</p><p> </p><p>The thing about shooting is that it gets worse as the time passes. What was tolerable two hours ago, gets unbearable. She’s constantly worried about Kara, she doesn’t want to hurt her.  Lena feels tired and she can see how Kara isn’t much better. She tries to concentrate in order to finish and go home. They are more prepared this time and she uses lube when Kara stops being that wet. Lena wonders if she was into it before. It’s obvious that she doesn’t enjoy what’s happening at the moment and Lena feels the same way.</p><p>There are moments that Lena can just act without thinking about it too much and other moments that everything becomes too real. Moments that she realizes where she is and what she is doing. It’s all very confusing. There are also moments of pure torture where thoughts she had for years can’t leave her mind. Because while it is fake, she’s touching Kara for real and Lena can’t deny how much she wants her. She wants her all for herself, she wants the cameras and the crew to go away and most of all she wants Kara to want her back. She usually can stop these thoughts from taking over but when Kara is so close to her, when she is inside of her it’s impossible.</p><p>When they are done for the day everyone says how good they were, how real it felt. Lena is just relieved that they can go home.</p><p>They don’t talk much that afternoon. Kara seems lost in her thoughts. From the way she moves around the apartment Lena knows that she is sad. She tries to be there for her and Kara lets her but she doesn’t say anything.</p><p>They are lying in bed when Kara finally speaks.</p><p>“Do you wish Lex was dead?”</p><p>Lena didn’t expect that question and she doesn’t have a clear answer. It’s easy to say yes because she did kill him. She didn’t do it however because she wanted him to die. She did because the world is in danger while he is alive. He is still alive. It scares Lena, the fact that he is still out there hurting people. She also isn’t sure about her motives because while when she decided to go where he was hiding, she thought about the world, the moment she walked into the room she thought about her friends and there was only one person in her mind when she pulled the trigger. She knew that he would hurt everyone she ever loved if she didn’t kill him and it wasn’t hard to find who she loved the most. Lex always knew how she felt about Kara, how she would do absolutely anything to protect her. The fact that he brought them both here proves that he knew.</p><p>She killed him once and she would do it again for Kara. If they ever get out of here, she will find a way to kill him. This time won’t be for what he could possibly do to her best friend, this time she knows how much he has hurt Kara.</p><p>“If he was dead, we would be safe,” Lena says.</p><p>Kara’s eyes have something that Lena hasn’t seen before. She wants something, she’s angry. Lena is sure that if they were on Earth, they would be glowing red.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!</p><p>This chapter is different and less angsty than the others. I hope the story doesn’t move too fast. </p><p>I don’t know if this is obvious but all the explicit scenes on this fic are between Kara and Lena. I’m just saying that because Lena will mention some things and I don’t want anyone to stop reading because of it. There are no details or anything that describes what happened. I don’t want to make this fic more uncomfortable that it already is.</p><p>Warning: Since some people complained I want to add an extra warning for this chapter. There are mentions of Kara and Lena filming with other people. There are no details of what happened or any descriptions. I didn’t think it was a big deal since no one complained when they read in details about Lena and Kara being forced to have sex.<br/>This chapter focuses on their relationship and I really didn’t consider these mentions a big deal.<br/>If you think that it bothers you that much don’t read.<br/>The reason I mentioned that it happened is that it wouldn’t make sense if it was just the two of them the whole time. Also I wanted to give them a chance to explore their feelings without being forced to have sex with each other everyday.<br/>I still consider that the most disturbing parts of this story are chapters 1 and 2.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They wrap filming after two more days. Great, now she’s officially in porn. In how many planets would people watch them? Not in the one they are famous for sure. Everyone told them that they were satisfied with the result and while they didn’t have any previous experience, they were great. Lena believes them because how bad can a scene be when Kara is naked. Fuck, she hates herself for that though. She’s not an object and while it’s impossible to deny how good looking she is, she shouldn’t be thinking about Kara like that.</p><p>“I think we have a few days off now,” Kara says while they are eating dinner. She doesn’t look as sad as before.</p><p>“We do.”</p><p>“We are also free to go outside now.” They are, for one hour each day.</p><p>“That would be nice.”</p><p>“So, I was thinking that…” She hesitates. “Remember when we had our lunch dates?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Lena says and she smiles because of course she remembers the best part of her week for years.</p><p>“Someone on set mentioned that a lot of people eat outside and it seems like a good idea. So, I thought that we could go on a date. I mean a lunch!” She quickly adds. “We could go out for lunch.”</p><p>Lena can’t understand why she is rambling. Probably she’s excited they can finally spend some time outside.</p><p>“That sounds fun.” She feels weird using that word, it doesn’t sound right.</p><p>“What?” Kara asks and Lena realizes that she was staring at the wall for a few seconds. She looks worried.</p><p>“I know we talked about it but it still feels weird to relax and do something fun.”</p><p>“It does but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t.”</p><p>“You are right. I have missed the sun.” The moments that they get in and out of cars aren’t enough.</p><p>“Yeah me too, especially the yellow one,” Kara chuckles.</p><p>Lena knows that while she’s joking about it, she’s deeply hurting right now. She was used to have powers and to be able to protect people. She wishes that Kara wouldn’t feel so guilty about it, she wishes that she would believe her when she told her that her powers weren’t what made her a hero.</p><p>“The yellow one would certainly help,” Lena says because the truth is that it’s easier to make jokes about it.</p><p> </p><p>The next day when Lena wakes up with Kara in her arms, she tries to push every awful thought away. They will take a better look outside another time. For now, they deserve a day just for themselves. The plan won’t work if they go crazy, not that they have a plan, just the general idea that they have to escape and save everyone somehow.</p><p>Kara looks so good like that, comfortable and asleep, it makes Lena forget everything else. She is so soft and pretty, with messy blond hair and the cozy sleep clothes. Lena hasn’t slept with anyone like that since she came to National city. Maybe she hasn’t slept with anyone like that in her entire life, because no one has ever made her feel like that. They are not just sleeping in the same bed, they are not just cuddling. Lena has done that before. But she has never felt like she belongs next to someone, like this is where she wants to sleep for every day for the rest of her life. It’s not that she didn’t care about her exes or that she wasn’t attracted to them. She did love them but not like that.</p><p>She hears Kara’s breathing changing and she knows she’s waking up. Some days she looks stressed and sad when in the morning. Today she smiles at Lena.</p><p>“Hey,” Kara says with her ‘I just woke up’ voice.</p><p>“Hey. Did you sleep well?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>She tries to pull Lena closer and hides her face on her neck. She’s not really awake just yet and Lena lets her to use her as pillow. She feels so soft and warm that Lena could stay like that all day. She can’t believe that all those years they’ve never woke up like that. How amazing it would be if they woke up at her penthouse or at Kara’s apartment. They wouldn’t have to worry about their safety. She could just enjoy being with Kara.</p><p>But friends don’t wake up together. Not like that. The only reason that’s happening is because they are here and they try to find comfort at each other. Kara wouldn’t be interested to do that if they were home.</p><p>Kara after a while, decides it’s time to get up and she pulls Lena with her. The red sun is bright outside and it seems like a great day to go out.</p><p>“What are you going to wear?” Kara asks during breakfast.</p><p>Lena hasn’t thought about it because she doesn’t really care. All of her own clothes aren’t here and she doesn’t remember exactly what she ordered the last few days. She just clicked at some pictures absentmindedly.</p><p>“Something light probably. It’s hot outside. Maybe jeans and something else.”</p><p>“They have some cute stuff here. I found a lot of shirts like the ones I wore back home.”</p><p>This easy conversation is far more pleasant than Lena imagined. It’s nice to talk about boring stuff for once. It feels normal like they are at Lena’s office again talking about their days.</p><p>“I didn’t pay much attention to the clothes. I like the sweaters though.”</p><p>“We can’t wear the sweaters today.” She smiles.</p><p>Lena realizes that she doesn’t have any idea about how seasons work on this planet. It was spring on Earth when they left and here the temperature is similar to National city. She doesn’t expect to get any answers soon unless she asks. She only got something to tell the time yesterday in order to know what time they can go out and what time they have to go to work.</p><p>When Kara gets dressed, she looks just so Kara. If she wore glasses, she would look exactly how she looks like when she goes to CatCo. With her cute light blue shirt and pants she’s just adorable. Lena on the other hand, looks nothing like the CEO Lena. It wouldn’t be possible with the options she has right now and it seems like a good day to wear jeans anyway.</p><p>They know exactly what time they can go out and what time they have to be back. The door is unlocked and for the first time no one waits in the other side. Lena hesitates for some reason and Kara smiles shyly. She reaches for her hand and intertwines their fingers. This gesture instantly makes Lena feel better and she steps out of their apartment. She’s still not used at holding Kara’s hand and it usually happens when they are both really stressed or sad. That’s not the case right now and it feels different.</p><p>They walk like that and they take the elevator. Kara is holding a bag with their food in one hand and Lena with the other. In another life that image could mean something entirely different, it could make Lena so happy. Of course, that doesn’t stop her from enjoying this day. They deserve a break, they really do.</p><p>The red sun makes the colors slightly different and Lena didn’t have the time to appreciate it before. The grass and the trees are still green and Kara’s hair are still blonde but everything looks different. Kara must have noticed the same thing because she is staring at her skin. Kara grew up with a sun like that.</p><p>“Does it remind you of the sun at Krypton?” Lena asks.</p><p>“Yeah, it does,” she smiles, “I forgot how it was.”</p><p>There are people outside and it’s nice for once that nobody knows who she is. She is just one of them. They don’t know exactly where they are going. Yesterday someone gave them directions for the park that they are looking for and it must be close to their building. She feels brave walking like that, holding Kara, it doesn’t matter where they are. Kara could make every place feel like home.</p><p>“You know that there is a place to have dinner, like a restaurant. I heard some people talking about it.” Lena says.</p><p>“Let me guess. You have to play in 100 movies first.” Kara laughs. She’s right, it’s not a privilege that many people have.</p><p>“Something like that.”</p><p>“I’m just happy we are outside. How pathetic?”</p><p>Lena knows what she means, she also knows that she didn’t want to complain.</p><p>“Yeah, me too.”</p><p>The park is much better than Lena expected. It has many trees and flowers. A lot of people are sitting on the grass enjoying the sun. Lena and Kara find a bench below a tree.</p><p>“So, what do you think?” Kara asks as she takes their burgers out of the bag.</p><p>“It’s a nice place. We should come more often.”</p><p>“Yeah, now that they let us.”</p><p>Kara takes a huge bite from her burger.</p><p>“This is so good Lena,” she says with her mouth full, “I can’t explain what it is with the food and this place. Everything they make tastes good.”</p><p>She’s right, the food is great. This is actually one of the best burgers Lena has ever tasted.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s so good.”</p><p>They are sitting close enough to each other that their thighs are touching. Lena feels great at the moment. All she can think about is the food, the nature around them, the sun and Kara. Kara, who is smiling and looks like she enjoys this as much as Lena.</p><p>“I had missed this so much,” Kara says.</p><p>“What? Burgers?”</p><p>“No. Having lunch with you.” Kara smiles and Lena knows what she means. They do have lunch and every other meal together but this is different. </p><p>Before they came here, they hadn’t done this in so long, she can’t even remember the last time. Oh, she can. It was when she wanted to hurt Kara. Kara was so excited about them having lunch and being friends and Lena had to ruin everything. So yeah, she can’t remember the last time that they had lunch and Lena wasn’t fake.</p><p>“I had missed this too.”</p><p>“Really?” Again, Lena can see that she’s hurt, that she still has doubts.</p><p>“Yeah, I could be having the worst day ever and one hour with you would make everything okay again. It was always the best part of my day.” Lena says and usually she would be embarrassed to admit that. Now, she doesn’t care because Kara has to know how much this friendship meant to her. She will tell her as many times as she needs to believe her.</p><p>Kara’s smile is warmer now, it’s all over her face. She seems happy, maybe even moved by Lena’s words.</p><p> Lena wants to hug her and it’s going to be difficult because they are still holding their food but she doesn’t care. She has stopped herself enough times already. When she opens her arms Kara hugs her immediately. It’s awkward because they can’t use both of their hands and it’s definitely the most weird hug they ever had. It doesn’t matter, Kara rests her head on Lena’s shoulder and everything is instantly better.</p><p>They hold hands on their way back. Lena forgot where she is many times since they got outside. She doesn’t feel as guilty as before about it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They start going out every day. They don’t have to film anything yet so they have a lot of free time.</p><p>“How are you so fast without the superspeed?” Lena yells as she runs a few meters behind Kara.</p><p>They decided to start exercising on their free time. It will also help them to get a better idea of how big this place is. From what Lena has seen so far, it is huge. They saw an entrance at the wall with many guards and probably there would be more. There are many areas that are off limits, like the place where all the sets are.</p><p>Kara slows down to wait for Lena. She’s laughing.</p><p>“I guess I’m just better than you,” she teases.</p><p>The truth is that Kara is much more fit than Lena and Lena only exercised once in a while when she was on Earth. That doesn’t mean that it’s not annoying that Lena gets tired while Kara seems to be doing fine.</p><p>“That’s not fair. I’m the one who is used to this.”</p><p>“We’ll both get better at this.” It’s only their second time. “It’s weird for me too.”</p><p>“How it makes you feel? To get tired, I mean.”</p><p>“For so long, I could just move around without any effort at all and that was before I started using my powers regularly. So, now in a way it feels good to be able to experience that. I feel more real.”</p><p>Sometimes, it’s still hard to believe that Kara was the most powerful person on Earth. The extent of her power still amazes Lena and she never got to experience that for real. She knew what Supergirl could do but it was difficult to connect that with her best friend. That has something to do with not considering Kara her best friend when she knew the truth. So, it’s still hard to conceive that Kara, her best friend could lift the whole building they were in at any given moment.</p><p>“Look at you, complaining about having super powers,” Lena says.</p><p>They can’t stop laughing because the whole conversation is ridiculous. It’s such a nice feeling to be able to make jokes about the whole Supergirl thing. It’s not that all the hurt is gone, it’s just that this is part of their history now. They both made mistakes, they were both terrible friends but it wasn’t enough to break them.</p><p> </p><p>So, she hopes it’s not too much when she orders sunglasses for them.</p><p>Kara freezes when she sees what Lena is holding.</p><p>“What is that?” Kara asks.</p><p>“You know, when your eyes are not indestructible laser guns, you have to protect them from the sun,” Lena teases.</p><p>“No, I know what sunglasses are! I meant what does it mean?” Kara says and she seems worried. Probably she thinks that this joke was meant to hurt her.</p><p>“It means that I will wear them outside because I don’t like the sun in my eyes and you can wear them too.” Lena tries to sound as friendly as possible.</p><p>“And that is okay?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Oh…okay that’s good.”</p><p>Lena gives Kara her pair. She hesitates for a moment and then she wears them. She looks away avoiding Lena’s face.</p><p>Lena takes a better look at her. Well, she looks exactly the same, even with sunglasses which hide her eyes much more effectively than her regular ones. Oh, Lena was not ready for that, maybe it was too much, too soon.</p><p>It brings back that awful feeling and things that she’s not ready to admit. Because at this moment she can see clearly how much it bothered her that she didn’t found out of her own. It’s true that she found in the worst way possible. How much different would it make if she didn’t know when Kara told her? Or if she told her a year or two before that? She felt betrayed, she felt hurt, she felt like Kara didn’t trust her but she also felt like an idiot. A fool. It’s one thing that people who didn’t know both Kara and Supergirl to not be able to tell the difference and it’s something completely different that Lena couldn’t. Kara was her best friend, she loved her, she was in love with her and she knew Supergirl. They worked together.</p><p>“I don’t think this is okay, Lena.” She says when the silence gets too much.</p><p>“Of course, it is,” Lena lies.</p><p>“There are some limits that maybe we shouldn’t cross.”</p><p>“I don’t want them to be.” Lena truly means that and the fact that it was uncomfortable doesn’t change anything.</p><p>“Okay, we can try,” she offers a smile.</p><p>Lena smiles too.</p><p>“Let’s go outside.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There is an obvious shift in their mood the day before shooting starts again. Kara is walking aimlessly around the apartment and nobody suggests to go out. These last few days, they actually had fun together. Before she came here, Lena never had so much free time. Days that she can just be Lena. There was also Kara who made everything more complicated because it is great to spend so much time with her. They never had this, they were always so busy that they never spent more than a few hours together. Now, they can just be together and eat or exercise or lie in bed. It’s impossible to hate that even if it happens on purpose because they give them free time and everything they ask for in order to make them to feel comfortable, to forget where they are. She knows what’s happening to her, she knows why her mind makes her think that everything is fine, she doesn’t forget all the things that they made them do. But at the same she just can’t hate it.</p><p>It’s more difficult for Kara, that is obvious. She has people back on Earth that she cares about, people that are looking for her. Lena doesn’t have anyone and maybe that’s not completely true but it’s hard to miss someone else when she has Kara. Kara is everything to her, she gives meaning to everything. It doesn’t matter where they are or what they are doing.</p><p>“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Lena asks.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>They pretended that everything was fine for a few days, now the reality crushes them. Seeing Kara like this brings back the memories that Lena tried to push away.</p><p>“Is it bad that I wish I could get used to it?” Lena says. She feels the need to share that with her best friend. “I just want to go there, do what I have to and then forget about it and go on with my day.”</p><p>“No, I thought about it too. You want to feel normal.”</p><p>“It’s a coping mechanism, like when I spaced out during…”</p><p>“I know we said it many times already but we have to stop blaming ourselves for finding ways to deal with it. We went out, we had some fun. So what? It doesn’t mean that we forget what we have to do.” Kara sounds determined. She’s right, they didn’t forget. They searched the area and even before that they talked with so many people on set.</p><p>“We can also feel bad about it and be anxious about tomorrow,” Lena says.</p><p>They make arguments when they believe the same thing. It’s like they both need to hear the other one to say it.</p><p>“It’s late. Let’s just go to bed,” Lena says because there is no reason for Kara to stay up all night.</p><p>She offers her hand even if it’s ten steps till their bed and Kara takes it immediately. They change into these cute comfortable clothes that Kara chose and when they lie on the bed Lena can feel Kara relax. Kara puts her head on her chest and closes her eyes. She’s breathtaking like that, so close to Lena and so comfortable. Lena holds her and after a while she starts stroking her back.</p><p>Suddenly Kara gets tense.</p><p>“What is it? Talk to me,” Lena says with the softest voice she has.</p><p>“I really like being with you and I hate that we had to come here to do that.” Kara says without looking at her.</p><p>She didn’t expect that.</p><p>“I wish we had spent more like that, before,” Lena says.</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“Yeah I wish we had sleepovers or something. I guess we thought we were too old for that,” Lena chuckles. Kids have sleepovers, adults are busy or they just sleep with whoever they are dating.</p><p>“At your place or mine?” Kara asks.</p><p>Lena wants to say something stupid as a joke like ‘would you have slept with you glasses on’ but she stops herself. Now it’s not the time.</p><p>“Your place is far more warm than mine. I always imagined that it would be there.” Fuck, what she just said.</p><p>Kara shifts abruptly and looks at Lena with wide blue eyes.</p><p>“You thought about us having sleepovers?</p><p>Lena always wanted to stay at Kara’s when everyone left and that was before she realized what her feelings meant. There were also many times, when she was alone in bed, that she imagined how it would be if Kara was with her. How it would be to wake up and see her, how it would be to be able to feel her all night.</p><p>“Yes,” she admits. Kara must be feeling how fast her heart beats. “Did you?” She asks because she has to know.</p><p>“Yes,” she says as she wraps her arms around Lena. Her head still on Lena’s chest.</p><p>Kara wants this, she actually does. She doesn’t sleep with Lena because it is convenient or because she’s scared and alone. She wanted this when they were on Earth.</p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lena asks.</p><p>“Why didn’t you?” She chuckles. “We both thought that it would be weird to ask something like that.”</p><p>“But is isn’t weird.”</p><p>“No, it’s perfect,” Kara says as she closes her eyes and smiles.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They arrive on set the next morning and it’s a little easier this time. The director, Jay, and a lot of others from the previous movie are here. Lena is more relaxed and she asks for a cup of coffee as she’s getting ready. Kara seems fine although Lena knows that she’s hiding how she really feels. Everything runs smoothly till they sit down with Jay to talk about some details.</p><p>“Kara would you mind to say something in Kryptonian?” He asks.</p><p>“What?” For the first time in all these days on set Kara raises her voice, letting the others know how upset she is.</p><p>“Just say something random. It’s not important, it has to do with marketing.”</p><p>“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She stands up. Lena has never heard her talk like that.</p><p>“Kara please. Let’s talk about it.” He says and he seems worried.</p><p>“You know that everything has a limit, right?”</p><p>The scene has caught a lot of attention and everyone is looking at them.</p><p>Lena wants to say something but she doesn’t get the chance to because Kara leaves the room and goes upstairs.</p><p>Jay turns to Lena.</p><p>“Can you talk to her?”</p><p>“And say what? You asked her to speak her native language from a planet that is destroyed in porn.” Lena says.</p><p>Lena can see the exact moment that it hits him. His usual confidence breaks, he turns to look away, almost ashamed.</p><p>“Okay. Come with me, we can’t do this here,” he whispers.</p><p>They follow Kara upstairs and find her in a spare room. She’s sitting on the bed, every expression lost from her face.</p><p>Lena is afraid to talk to her. What if they say no? Kara has every right to refuse and of course Lena won’t push her.</p><p>Jay sits on the bed. Lena closes the door but she doesn’t move closer to them.</p><p>“Kara you have to understand how sorry I am. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Jay says.</p><p>When she doesn’t respond he continues.</p><p>“It wasn’t my decision. It was a request from the marketing department. They needed a way to make the audience understand that you are from Krypton.”</p><p>“It’s a thing that you do here? Make everyone speak the language of the planet you kidnapped them from?” Kara’s voice is loud. If someone is outside, they will hear her.</p><p>This is it. They will take them back and torture them again. Jay will probably inform everyone about this.</p><p>“Please Kara, lower you voice,” he says with a much softer voice than usual. “I’m not the enemy here. We’ll find a solution.”</p><p>He seems so focused on her, like he cares what will happen to them. It surprises Lena.</p><p>“First of all, I want to say that this is my fault. I should have talked to you in private. I didn’t know that your planet no longer exists. They told me you guys are from Earth, so I was confused when they mentioned Krypton.”</p><p>“We are from Earth,” Kara says.</p><p>“Is Earth destroyed?”</p><p>“No,” Lena says and they both turn to look at her.</p><p>“That’s unusual.”</p><p>“You know that we are not the only ones from Earth? Also, everyone speaks English here, a language from Earth.” Kara says with a much lower voice.</p><p>“Yes, but I never worked with anyone. Only with others that look exactly the same, like Kryptonians.”</p><p>Of course, he hasn’t. Lex or whoever is behind this wouldn’t want people to disappear.</p><p>“To answer your question. It is usual for someone to speak in their native language during scenes. Especially for species that look alike.”</p><p>“And everyone is okay with that?” Kara asks.</p><p>“I’ve never heard any complains.”</p><p>“That doesn’t make it okay.”</p><p>“Why?” He sounds like he actually wants to learn.</p><p>“My planet and most of the people who lived there are dead. I am one of the few that still speak the language. I would betray them and everything that I stand for if I used that language so others can get off.” She doesn’t sound angry anymore.</p><p>“I… I understand, my planet was destroyed too.” His voice is sad and low. There is an understanding between them that Lena can’t be a part of. “I’m sorry, I never thought about it this way. It was a terrible thing to ask someone.”</p><p>His apology sounds sincere, like it actually didn’t cross his mind that what he was asking wound be offensive. When everything is so normalized here, it shouldn’t be surprising. How brainwashed these people truly are?</p><p>“But you can’t refuse this request?” Lena asks when Kara doesn’t answer.</p><p>“No, but I have an idea.”</p><p>Kara is looking at him with the question all over her face.</p><p>“Look, nobody speaks a language from another planet. They just want to hear sounds and accents. And if very few people speak Kryptonian as you say, it won’t be an issue. Whoever does the editing won’t notice.”</p><p>“But I will have to say something?” Kara says.</p><p>“Yes, but it doesn’t have to be Kryptonian. Just make a sound with a weird accent that could be or not close to how Kryptonian actually sound.”</p><p>His plan isn’t terrible. It’s a compromise that Kara could make.</p><p>“They will say that you are from Krypton anyway,” he turns to look at Lena, “as they will say you are from Earth.”</p><p>All this time she didn’t really think about what porn is produced here. It makes sense because this is the point of having different species fuck on camera. The audience has to know that they are different and in most cases it’s obvious. This could have started as one’s person very specific and weird kink. But how they managed to organize this whole operation? And how Lex knows these people? Lena never noticed anything that could be related to this place when she took over Lex’s company. So many questions and now it’s not the right time.</p><p>Kara must have agreed to Jay’s suggestion when Lena wasn’t paying attention because they are ready to go.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Lena learns that she won’t work with Kara in her next “project”, she relaxes immediately. It’s a huge relief that’s accompanied with so much shame because she truly wants Kara. She wants her so bad that she can’t continue having sex with her any longer. It’s cruel to have Kara like that, to touch her while others watch and record them, to wonder constantly if Kara wants her back. There are some moments that she is sure that she does and others that even thinking about it seems so foolish. Between all these fake moans and movements, it’s impossible to tell what’s real. So yeah, she’s relieved when it will be a stranger instead of Kara.</p><p>Kara didn’t say anything at all about this new development but it’s clear that something is bothering her when Lena gets back home. Kara was here all day because she starts tomorrow.</p><p>She stands up.</p><p>“Hey, how are you?” She says and she really looks at Lena, trying to find if something is wrong.</p><p>Lena doesn’t know how to answer to that because she is tired, ashamed and a little bit disgusted by herself but she’s still better than when she was after filming with Kara. At least now her feelings were not in the way, hurting her more than whatever was happening ever could.</p><p>“I have been better,” Lena says.</p><p>“Do you need anything?”</p><p>“No, thanks. I’m just going to take a shower.”</p><p>Lena rushes into the bathroom because this conversation is much more difficult than she expected. She stays longer than usual in the shower, like she needs to make all the evidence of what happened go away. Is Kara mad? Is she disgusted by Lena? No, that wouldn’t make sense.</p><p>“So, how it was?” Kara asks out of nowhere later when they are in bed. Her voice is louder than it should be in a room with two people lying really close to each other.</p><p>“It was the same. Well, we were in another location and I didn’t recognize most of the people I saw but the overall experience was the same.” Lena doesn’t really know how to explain what happened.</p><p>“But what about…?” She doesn’t finish her sentence.</p><p>“About?”</p><p>Kara doesn’t answer.</p><p>“You know,” Kara starts again after some minutes, “I’ve never had sex with someone that I didn’t have… someone I didn’t know.”</p><p>Oh, Kara is certainly not as satisfied as Lena with their new arrangement. Lena finds Kara’s hand and squeezes.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve never done it before either.”</p><p>“When it was with you, at least you were there.” She looks at Lena and her eyes are so sad. She wants to kiss her and take all this pain away, to make her smile again.</p><p>“I’m here now.”</p><p>Her words didn’t make Kara feel better because she looks like she’s ready to start crying.</p><p>“Come here,” Lena says and puts her arms around Kara. Kara relaxes to her touch and sleeps after a while. At least she didn’t cry this time.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It gets worse when Kara starts working on her own. She barely talks to Lena. She always checks on her but she doesn’t say much about how she feels. Every night she wraps herself around Lena like her life depends on it and only then she’s Kara again. Lena hoped that it would be better for them this way, that they would have time to gather information but Kara seems unable to do anything other than eat and sleep when she’s home.</p><p> </p><p>One evening she finds Kara sitting on their couch looking at something very focused. She’s writing. It shouldn’t surprise Lena but with everything going on she forgot that her best friend is a writer.</p><p>Kara notices her and looks up. She’s wearing her red sweater.</p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t want to interrupt you. I just woke up.”</p><p>“It’s okay. Come sit with me, I want to show you something.”</p><p>She sounds good and that’s weird because she was miserable all these days. Lena tried everything to cheer her up. She took her out for walks, she ordered her favorite meals and hugged her when everything else didn’t work.</p><p>“I started writing like I used to.” She’s holding a notebook, full of weird symbols that Lena doesn’t recognize. “It’s like a diary.”</p><p>“That’s great Kara.”</p><p>“Yeah, when I put my thoughts on a paper it’s like they stop torturing me that much.” Her voice is calm and steady.</p><p>“I’m glad you found a way to cope. Is that Kryptonian?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she smiles, “Isn’t it weird that I never wrote in Kryptonian when I was on Earth. But here I couldn’t risk it if someone finds my diary.”</p><p>“It’s much better this way.”</p><p>“What do you want to do?” Kara asks. It has been at least a week since Kara had suggested to do something together and Lena can’t stop herself from smiling.</p><p>“We can go out.”</p><p>“I would like that.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s dark when they finally get outside. The night is much more similar to Earth than the day. The stars look different but the overall feeling is the same.</p><p>“Do you think our sun is one of them?” Kara says.</p><p>They are holding hands again and Kara uses her other hand to show her the stars.</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“I used to spend so much time on the sky that I forgot how it is to gaze at the stars from the ground.”</p><p>“We can’t see any stars in the city anyway.”</p><p>“I could when I was a kid in Midvale.”</p><p>“I didn’t grow up in a city either.”</p><p>“Sometimes, I wish I knew you when I was kid,” Kara says and Lena stops walking.</p><p>“Why?” She’s in front of Kara now, looking into her eyes.</p><p>“Because I would have more time with you.” She admits and she has never been this straightforward about her thoughts. Like the other night that they were talking about sleepovers. Something has changed and Lena isn’t sure what exactly. All these days at work make it extremely difficult to think.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“This place is huge,” Kara says the moment she enters what it is apparently their new apartment. Well, it isn’t huge. Maybe in comparison to Kara’s apartment in National City it is. It has two bedrooms and the kitchen is separate from the living room.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s nice.”</p><p>It’s actually one more way to make them feel at home and forget. The truth is that it’s really hard not to with the view from the balcony. This is an actual building with apartments and it’s one of the goods one from what they heard. Only people who brought a significant amount of money to the company can stay here. They are filming for more than a month, Lena thinks. She tries to write the days somewhere and keep up with reality. There are no days or months that they are aware of. Only work days and off days.</p><p>“What desk do you like?”</p><p>Kara is showing her some options on the tablet. The one room will be the place that Kara will write and the other will be their bedroom.</p><p>“You know that we are going to disagree so chose whatever you like.”</p><p>They have different opinions about almost everything. Lena prefers white and simple furniture while Kara wants colors. The result will be something unusual probably but it will be theirs. It’s surreal to decorate a cage with her best friend.</p><p>“Yeah you would probably choose something boring like the one you used to have at L-corp.” She smiles and it has gotten less sad to talk about their old life.</p><p>“It was really expensive.”</p><p>“I still prefer something more colorful.”</p><p>They spend at least 3 hours like that, finding out what looks better. It’s pointless because they are not planning to stay and they shouldn’t care about it. But what if they have to stay. Lena hoped that even if they didn’t find the portal, Kara’s team from Earth would find them. Probably, they have no idea where to look. If only there was a way to send a message. Hacking into their system seems impossible because the technology that they give to them isn’t connected with anything else. It is designed to have very limited functions.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She hasn’t seen Kara all day. She was extremely moody when she woke up and then she left without saying much. Most of the time their schedule is regulated so they can have their days off together. Today is not one of those times. Lena is alone in their apartment and she hates it.</p><p>It’s becoming more and more difficult to stay away from Kara and in a non-healthy way. It would be impossible to sleep without her. She needs her all the time and it won’t go away, Lena knows that. What if they go home? Could Lena go back to her usual depressed self? No, the things that happened will stay with her.</p><p>She was never truly happy but her current situations is completely different. Something broke inside of her. Even when she’s having a good time with Kara that thing is still there, holding her back. It could be worse if she gets home. Here, whatever they are doing is normal. On Earth, even if others don’t know what happened to her, she won’t be like them. How could she ever be in a relationship again? How could she ever have sex again, just because she wants to.</p><p>And then there is Kara. The only person that could help her cope with all these feelings. With Kara she could at least try to become who she was. With Kara she’s safe. She would try to get better for Kara and while she knows she should do it for herself, she can’t. She wants to be a person that deserves someone like Kara. Lena loves her so much, she’s so in love with everything about her. She’s hurting more for Kara than for herself.</p><p>She always felt so hopeless about her feelings for Kara and that’s why she ignored them for so long. Yet, something is different now, something changed. It’s in the way that Kara looks at her, in the way that she holds her every night. She can’t ignore it but she doesn’t know what it is.</p><p>Kara doesn’t say anything when she gets home. It isn’t until much later when she’s showered and in comfortable clothes that she comes closer.</p><p>“Do you want to have pancakes for dinner?” Kara asks. She’s not smiling but she’s much better now.</p><p>“It’s too late to order pancakes. Tomorrow?”</p><p>“We could make them ourselves. That’s what I meant.”</p><p>Their conversations always go like that. No matter what happens they talk about things that people who live together do. It’s weird because one moment before one of them could be crying and then they are talking about food. It just confuses Lena even more. She remembers the phrase ‘playing house’ and this isn’t what they do. It’s actually the ideal living situation in Lena’s mind, minus the prisoners part. </p><p>It is so easy to live with Kara, like that this is what she is meant to do. She doesn’t want space, she doesn’t want alone time.</p><p>“You always say that you can cook but you never do it.” Kara says with a smirk on her face.</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>“Yeah. One time.”</p><p>“Okay, whatever. Let’s make pancakes.”</p><p>Kara must have planned for this because they find all the ingredients in the fridge. Lena doesn’t really know what she’s doing. She tries to follow Kara’s instructions.</p><p>“It really shows that you’ve never done this before.” Kara says as she starts laughing.</p><p>“I have done this before,” Lena lies and she honestly can’t remember if she ever made pancakes as a kid.</p><p>“What did you even have for breakfast?”</p><p>“I don’t know, coffee.”</p><p>“That’s not breakfast.”</p><p>“Sometimes, I ordered something.” It’s not a lie but it didn’t happen often.</p><p>“You ordered breakfast?”</p><p>Now Lena is laughing too because who orders breakfast? Probably rich people.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” Kara says, “I will do it for you.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“You know. Always.”</p><p>Kara smiles and she’s so pretty and Lena doesn’t know what to think when she says stuff like that. Because obviously she’s not talking about their life here. Kara can barely get up in the morning. She’s talking about a hypothetical future after a hypothetical escape. A future that they share the same space every morning. Lena wants to ask is if she means what she’s saying. If she wants Lena as much as she wants her. If she will continue sleeping with her when she’s free to go wherever she wants.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After a long day on set Lena is exhausted. She’s getting dressed and all she can think about is Kara. Maybe she’s home already. Her body aches and everything feels disgusting. Sex isn’t supposed to be like that, even when it is just a performance. It should be enjoyable and while she knows that what feels good doesn’t necessarily look good, there are ways to make it less degrading and disturbing. Whatever experiences she had before has nothing to do with what’s happening on set. That’s why she never watched porn.</p><p>She’s so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t realize that someone is talking to her when she exits her changing room. Oh, it’s Nicky. They have been working together for several days now. He has purple skin but except from that he looks exactly like humans. He has been really nice to Lena and it was the first person that she managed to have an actual conversation during breaks.</p><p>“You and your girlfriend, you should come over for dinner sometime,” is the only thing Lena manages to listen.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>From the look of his face Lena must have sounded really mean. Lena hasn’t seen him that nervous before.</p><p>“You know, dinner. I’ll cook, my girlfriend would be there. We’ll talk, we’ll eat. You don’t do that where you’re from?”</p><p>It seems like he’s proposing a pretty common social interaction but Lena can’t think straight. What girlfriend is he talking about? She did tell him about Kara but she never mentioned that they were girlfriends. She just told him random stuff they did and where they went. Is he making fun of her? Maybe people don’t have roommates on this planet and they only live together when they are dating.</p><p>“I have to go,” she says without even looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>Something clicks inside of her, something that didn’t make sense before. She finds Kara at her desk writing, her hair still wet from the shower.</p><p>“Are you my girlfriend?” She asks without meaning to. When she says the words, it doesn’t sound insane. If she’s someone’s girlfriend, she’s Kara’s.</p><p>Kara freezes and after a moment she turns around, looking at her with wide eyes. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out. She should feel nervous or worried that she destroyed everything. But she isn’t. She has to know.</p><p>“It feels like I am,” Kara says and she stands up without moving any closer. Is she afraid?</p><p>The answer somehow breaks Lena’s mind and she was the one asking the question.</p><p>“Oh… Okay then.”</p><p>“So, you want this,” Kara awkwardly moves her hands showing the space between them. “You want me?” Her voice is small and vulnerable. There is also something else that seems like hope.</p><p>“Yeah. You do?” She doesn’t know why she asks for a second time.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kara smiles and her whole face lights up. She hasn’t seen her this happy in a long time.</p><p>She reluctantly takes a step closer and Lena remembers how disgusting she is at the moment.</p><p>“Wait. I’ll be back.”</p><p>Lena closes the bathroom door behind her and she feels like she can breathe again. Her heart is beating so fast. Did that actually happen? So, Kara likes her. It sounds fake. Why Kara would ever like her? She’s just perfect and Lena is… Lena. But maybe even someone like Lena deserves something good in their life, that’s why she asked. She suspected weeks ago that something changed but she wasn’t sure.</p><p>They were sleeping in the same bed every night, they were holding hands and they are constantly touching each other somehow. It really sounds like Kara is her girlfriend. However, they are prisoners in a strange planet and she’s just confused most of the time. This wouldn’t happen if they were back home, even if they became friends again.</p><p>She hopes the water will help her think. So, Kara said she wants her. Kara wants to be her girlfriend and Lena wants her too. Also, it seems like she already was her girlfriend so it’s not like that a lot of things will change. Lena can just get dressed and hang out with Kara like all the other times. Oh, maybe Kara will kiss her. That would be great and Lena is thinking about kissing Kara all the time. Maybe she will want to have sex. Lena doesn’t know she feels about that, she’s not sure if she wants to have sex soon. She used to think about having sex with Kara when they were friends. It made her feel guilty but she was thinking about it. Since they came here sex is a very complicated subject and there is something uncomfortable about it.</p><p>She tries to push away all these thoughts because this is Kara and they will figure it out together.</p><p>Kara is walking around nervously and she stops when she sees Lena.</p><p>“Hi,” she says.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>They sit together on their couch. Kara moves her hand slowly to touch Lena’s. It’s awkward because one moment she’s looking at her and the next she’s staring at the wall.</p><p>“It’s just me,” Lena says. When did she become so brave?</p><p>“Easy for you to say that.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“That the reason I’m like that is because it’s you.”</p><p>“Nothing has to change,” Lena says for both of them.</p><p>“Yeah?” Kara smiles.</p><p>“Just because we talked about it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t happening before.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to do this,” Kara admits.</p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p>It’s obvious that they are not ready for everything just yet.</p><p>“So, you like me?” Kara asks. She’s blushing. “As… as a girl?”</p><p>“Yes,” is all Lena manages to say. It is weird that Kara questions that because it is so clear in Lena’s mind that she was never that attracted to someone before.</p><p>“Since when? Because some things happened and maybe you are confused. I wouldn’t blame you if you were.”</p><p>“Since I met you.”</p><p>Kara is looking at her with so many questions written all over her face, like she can’t believe what Lena is telling her.</p><p>“Are you confused?” Lena asks and she becomes really anxious all of a sudden. She hadn’t thought about that.</p><p>“I always liked you Lena. I didn’t understand that I did,” she chuckles, “but I couldn’t stop thinking about you from the moment I met you.”</p><p>This can’t be true. It’s like she’s dreaming and she’s going to wake up soon.</p><p>“You did?” Lena asks because there is no way that’s what Kara meant.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Kara wants to be with her. This is all she has ever wanted and now that it’s happening, she doesn’t know what to say. She feels tears in her eyes and she wipes them fast.</p><p>“Are you okay? Is this too much?” Kara asks while she squeezes her hand.</p><p>“I’m just… happy.”</p><p>They are really close to each other, close enough to kiss. Kara is looking at her lips but she doesn’t move. Lena wants to kiss her too, wants to feel all of her. Something doesn’t let her. Images of what they she’s done come to her mind. Images of what they made them do. Maybe she’s broken, maybe even if Kara wants her, she can’t be with her. The same things happened to Kara but she has probably dealt with it already.</p><p>“Hey Lena, look at me,” Kara says and her voice is so soft. She can always sense Lena’s discomfort. She’s looking at her like she cares, like she meant what she said, like she loves her. “We don’t have to do anything. I just want to be with you.”</p><p>“You said it yourself, nothing has to change,” Kara adds when Lena doesn’t speak. Yes, she said it but she doesn’t know what to believe anymore. She was thinking about the way they communicate and live together and that doesn’t have to change. Kissing Kara or having sex with her is something completely different. Is something that is expected from a girlfriend and not from a friend.</p><p>“Okay,” she smiles and Kara smiles too.</p><p>“Are you okay with hugs and holding hands? You know whatever we were doing before.”</p><p>“I’m more than okay with that.”</p><p>Kara opens her arms and Lena responds immediately. It’s amazing being this close to her and this time she doesn’t feel guilty about it. A warmth is spreading inside of her and her smile doesn’t leave her face. </p><p>This can’t be real life. Kara couldn’t possibly want to be her girlfriend while everything she said points out the opposite. Kara is her girlfriend. Lena doesn’t know if she can get used to this word.</p><p>They get more comfortable later. Lena lies on top of Kara, her face on Kara’s chest. She could just sleep here. She feels loved and safe like Kara will never let her go.</p><p> </p><p>If someone looked at them then next morning, they wouldn’t find any differences with the day before. Lena can feel Kara all over her back, holding her close. When she turns around, she still looks sad and nothing like the girl she met years ago. However, everything has changed. Lena no longer feels ashamed for her thoughts and feelings. She can love Kara and show it to her without holding back.</p><p>So, when Kara sits on the bed and stares at the wall, she leaves a kiss on her cheek. Lena is sure that she would smile if things were different. Mornings are really hard for her. Now she only reaches for Lena’s hand and strokes it.</p><p>They don’t have much time, Lena has to leave soon. She still believes that it’s better this way, filming separately. She can’t have sex again with Kara like that. She knows that the time will come that they will have to do it again but it’s not something she has to deal with at the moment.</p><p>Lena is ready to leave when Kara hugs her. Usually she keeps her distance when she manages to get up from the bed. Was she holding back too?</p><p>She exits the apartment and she tries to forget Kara for a second and go on about her day. It’s impossible. She smiles like an idiot when she enters the car that waits for her downstairs. Is it so wrong to be happy about Kara while she’s here? So many weeks have passed and she still feels guilty when she enjoys something. How can she be happy about her relationship with Kara when Kara was so sad? Somehow, she is and she hates herself for it but she can’t help it. Kara wants to be her girlfriend, Kara is her girlfriend. All these years she wanted her too.</p><p>“Hi,” she says when she sees Nicky.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>“I’m sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t feeling well.”</p><p>“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” he smiles.</p><p>“About what you asked me. I think it will be nice to have dinner.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s great. You will bring your girlfriend, right?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some plot and feelings.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!<br/>I know that it’s been so long since I last posted but I have been really busy. I was also a little self-conscious about this chapter because the plot moves forward and there are also some random characters in it for some brief scenes. </p>
<p>I also want to thank everyone who said something nice about my fic. It really means a lot to me. </p>
<p>There are a few chapters left and I hope that I will finish this story soon.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been two days since they talked, two days since Lena realized her feelings were not one sided, and finally they have some time for themselves. Lena wants to do something nice for Kara, she wishes they were home so she could take her out on a date. It would be nice to pick her up and go out for dinner or for drinks. They could talk for hours and enjoy each other’s company. Lena is sure that she would be smiling the whole time. Then they could go for a walk and sit somewhere or they could talk for a few minutes outside of Kara’s building. It would be the perfect moment for their first kiss, Lena would lean closer and Kara would kiss her back because she likes her too. She would be anxious because she would kiss the person she loves so much but it would be perfect.</p>
<p>The thing is that she never asked Kara out when she had the chance. She was confused and afraid because Kara was a girl and her best friend. She said to her that she always liked her and it’s not a lie, her heart probably stopped beating the moment she saw her. It took her much longer to acknowledge it for what it was. She ignored her feelings, she even dated someone else, she tried to bury everything deep inside her because it was pointless to love Kara. It would never happen.</p>
<p>She knew she loved her before these awful things happened to them but there were always moments of denial, moments that she persuaded herself that it wasn’t real. It took having sex with Kara, in the way that they did, to see the situation more clearly. It’s terrible that their relationship evolved because of this. It wasn’t just the sex but the sex played its part. Lena is really trying to accept this and move on.</p>
<p> It’s hard to stop having doubts about the relationship. Would they get together eventually if all these things hadn’t happened?</p>
<p>Lena tries to push these thoughts away, whatever is done it’s done, she can’t change the past and nothing can’t stop her from trying to make this day good for Kara.</p>
<p>She already told Kara that they will eat outside today. Lena found the perfect spot for a picnic during one of her walks and she wants to take Kara there. They have pizza and potstickers and Kara is in a better mood today because it their day-off. Lena wants to tell her about some things that could possibly help them find a way out of here, but she waits, now it’s not the time. Kara is smiling when they start walking outside and Lena wants to keep this moment, she’s selfish about that.</p>
<p>They arrive to the spot that Lena likes so much. There is grass everywhere and all the buildings are far away. She wants to pick one of the flowers and give it to Kara. That’s what girlfriends do, right? It’s weird because as a girlfriend in the past she only received flowers. The only time she sent flowers it was for Kara and she didn’t actually do it herself. It’s all very confusing.</p>
<p>At least Kara seems to enjoy her food. She doesn’t eat as much now and part of it is because she doesn’t feel good most of the time but it is also because she doesn’t have super powers. At the moment she enjoys her food as much as she did back at Lena’s office. The only difference is that she can’t eat as much.</p>
<p>They are sitting close to each other and their thighs are touching. Kara is so pretty and so cute and Lena can’t keep her hands away from her. Lena cups her cheek when she takes a break from her food. She looks at her lips and she wants to feel them against hers. She has missed kissing her, that one time seems so long ago and she didn’t even know that Kara liked her then.</p>
<p>The problem is that two days ago, she couldn’t do it. She wants to try again, she wants to push every awful thought away and kiss her. She leans closer and she waits, gives Kara some time to decide. Kara smiles and she seems so focused on Lena. She’s looking at her and there is want all over her face. Then Lena kisses her. It doesn’t last long but it’s sweet and full of love. Kara’s lips are soft and perfect and even though they have done much more than that, this moment is different.</p>
<p>Lena stays close to her when the kiss ends. She wants to ask something and she can’t stop herself.</p>
<p>“Do you think that we would have ever talked about us if all these things didn’t happen?”</p>
<p>She’s afraid of Kara’s answer and the fact that she takes a moment to think about it doesn’t help.</p>
<p>“Yes… it would have probably taken us five more years though.” It’s funny and a little sad that they are so bad at this.</p>
<p>“Yeah, probably,” Lena says.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about this, it doesn’t matter. We know now.” She smiles and she squeezes Lena’s hand.</p>
<p>“Is it because we are both girls?” Lena asks because they both had other relationships. It’s not like Lena was single her whole life.</p>
<p>“I think it made it more difficult.” It’s honest and it makes sense</p>
<p>“Have you ever been with a girl before?” Lena regrets asking this question immediately. She isn’t sure if it’s considered rude or not. It’s doesn’t feel right. Kara implied that she hasn’t during a really bad moment and she never mentioned anything all these years. So, Lena doesn’t even know why she said that. “I’m sorry you don’t have to answer that.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay I don’t mind. No, I haven’t, not really.”</p>
<p>“Not really?” Lena asks confused.</p>
<p>“I mean I kissed a girl in high school but that doesn’t count.”</p>
<p>“You did?” Lena didn’t expect that.</p>
<p>Kara nods.</p>
<p>“Have you ever…”</p>
<p>“No,” Lena doesn’t let her finish her sentence. “Just you.”</p>
<p>“So, you never thought about it? Before you met me, I mean,” Kara says and Lena can trace some insecurity in the way she turns to look away.</p>
<p>Lena has to think about that because it’s complicated.</p>
<p>“Maybe I did but I’m not sure. I didn’t date much in general. I was with Jack for years and I didn’t really think about anyone else when we were together. And you know what happened after that.” She was never the person who would go out to people and she never wanted to have sex outside of her relationships. Working all the time certainly didn’t help and it’s easy to guess why she was even less interested to date others since she met Kara.</p>
<p>“But you went to boarding school,” Kara says like it’s supposed to mean something.</p>
<p>“I was studying most of the time.”</p>
<p>They both start laughing.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, we are free to go to other’s people apartments?” Kara asks. They have been inside all day doing nothing except enjoying each other’s company. Lena is laying half on top of Kara on the couch. Just existing on the same space, close to each other.</p>
<p>“Yes, we have to make a request. If it gets accepted, we can go.</p>
<p>As time passes, they have more privileges. They can spend more time outside, they can go to more places and now they can visit others. Lena knows that it’s an illusion of freedom, that it doesn’t mean anything, that they are trying to trick their minds in order to forget. Yet, it’s almost impossible to not get tricked. She still hates the job but it’s getting more and more difficult to hate everything else. She has never in her life had so much free time and this planet objectively is a nice place to be. Everything is green outside, the air is fresh and nobody hates her.</p>
<p>“And how do you know them?”</p>
<p>“I know Nicky from set. I don’t know the girlfriend.” Lena reluctantly leaves the warmth of Kara’s body and sits on the couch.</p>
<p>“You…,” she hesitates.</p>
<p>Something is bothering Kara and Lena hopes that it isn’t the obvious problem. When they were filming together, they talked about it. Lately while they acknowledge the situation, they don’t share details. So, the mention of this place, of people that Lena interacts somehow seems to be uncomfortable for Kara. It was clear that Kara wasn’t okay with that even before they talked about their feeling and now Lena can see why. She doesn’t know what to say to Kara about the whole situation because she actually prefers it this way. It was much worse for Lena when Kara was there too. Maybe there is a part of her that is jealous but it’s the least of her problems.</p>
<p>“Yes, he is-“</p>
<p>“He?” Kara doesn’t let her finish her sentence.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s a ‘he’.”</p>
<p>It seems that Kara wants to ask more questions but she stops herself.</p>
<p>“Kara, we don’t have to go. We don’t know anything about them and honestly, I was surprised that we were invited. I just thought that we could learn stuff from them. They are both here for years and it could be helpful. We haven’t… we haven’t made any progress yet.” She doesn’t want to ruin the mood but they have to try to find possible ways to escape at some point. She hasn’t mentioned anything in a long time and it’s been extremely easy to play along and forget. The thing is that this situation can’t go on forever and even if it is unlikely that they will learn anything useful from them, they have to try something. There is a portal somewhere that opens and closes a door to Earth, Lena is sure about that.</p>
<p>“I know. We should go.”</p>
<p>“If something is bothering you, talk to me.” Lena tries to use her softest voice.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing, I just didn’t expect it.”</p>
<p>Lena doesn’t know what she means. She didn’t expect to socialize with others or she didn’t expect that Lena would ask her to. From what she has seen so far everyone has pretty normal social interactions that are similar to the ones humans have. They visit each other and they go out together and everyone seems to ignore what’s happening on sets every day. It is a part of their lives that doesn’t affect anything else. Lena can see it happening on herself.</p>
<p>They don’t really have a choice anyway, whatever they have tried so far hasn’t worked. If they want to find a way out, they have to talk to people and the brief conversations between scenes won’t do it.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s weird to have Kara like that. She has to constantly remind herself that she is her girlfriend and she can kiss her if she wants. She kissed her when they were outside and she kissed her goodnight. Whatever stopped her after their talk was probably a one-time thing. At least she hopes that it was because kissing Kara is easily the best thing that she has ever done.</p>
<p> She wants to kiss her again now that she sees her sleeping next to her. She looks calm and peaceful for once and Lena wishes she could stay like that. She would do absolutely anything to keep her safe and it hurts that she can’t. When Kara opens her eyes, Lena pulls her even closer.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Kara says with a soft smile. It’s one of the good days.</p>
<p>“Hi.”</p>
<p>She stares at Kara for a moment and then she leans in slowly. She wants to know if this is too much for Kara. She doesn’t seem to mind so she leaves a kiss on her lips and then another one. Kara cups her cheek and kisses Lena deeper this time. Lena opens her mouth and the laziness from one moment ago is gone. Kara shifts and move on top of Lena. She’s looking at her and it’s clear how much she wants her. Lena doesn’t know how she feels about it. Her body reacts to Kara like always. It feels amazing to be so close to her and Lena wants her too.</p>
<p>She moves her hand under Kara’s sweater on her back and her skin is soft and warm. Lena wants to touch all of her, wants to feel every part of her. She wants to take off all of their clothes because they are in the way and they don’t let her be close enough. Kara kisses her again and it’s more passionate like it leads somewhere. She tugs at Lena’s t-shirt for permission and Lena wants to give her everything she wants because it’s hers already.</p>
<p>Kara helps her out of her t-shirt and Lena realizes that she doesn’t wear anything underneath because they were sleeping. Kara stares and smiles shyly when Lena notices but she doesn’t stop. It makes Lena a little self-conscious but in a good way. She wants Kara to see her, all of her.</p>
<p>Then it hits her. Kara have seen her before, many times. They have actually done more than that. Images flash in her mind, of Kara looking at her body, touching her everywhere. She didn’t want it then, there was nothing that she wanted more than to make it stop.</p>
<p>Lena knows what will come next. Kara will kiss her everywhere, suck her nipples and then she will move her hands lowers, her fingers will slip inside of her. She wishes that she could close her eyes and when she will open them again it would be over.</p>
<p>“Oh Lena, fuck I’m sorry.” She hears Kara saying.</p>
<p>Kara moves to her side and pulls the sheets over Lena, covering the exposed skin.</p>
<p>“Hey, please, Lena, I didn’t mean to.”</p>
<p>Lena is lost she doesn’t know what’s happening. Kara is talking to her but she’s not touching her. She doesn’t know what she did wrong. Maybe she doesn’t want her anymore. She could be angry about something.</p>
<p>When she manages to ease her breathing, she turns to look at Kara. She expected to see something completely different from what she’s seeing now. Kara is looking at her with so much concern and Lena doesn’t know why. There are tears in her eyes and Lena hasn’t seen Kara crying in a while. She doesn’t deserve this, Lena is the one who did something wrong, they were going to have sex and she fucked it up somehow.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Lena says and she hopes that Kara hasn’t changed her mind about their relationship.</p>
<p>“You have nothing to be sorry about. This is my fault.”</p>
<p>“How is this your fault? I did something and you stopped.”</p>
<p>“Of course, I stopped Lena… you looked like… like the other times.”</p>
<p>“So, you see how this is my fault,” Lena says. She sits on the bed and puts on her t-shirt again. Kara sits beside her.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to have sex. I understand how you feel… I feel it too.”</p>
<p>She reaches for Kara’s hand.</p>
<p>“So, you are not mad?” Lena says and she knows that she doesn’t sound like herself. The whole conversation isn’t something she could see herself having a year ago. The worst part is that it’s obvious why she reacted this way and why she feels guilty. A partner not wanting sex isn’t a big deal and it wasn’t in her previous relationships. But she is still mad at herself for feeling this way even if she knows it doesn’t make sense.</p>
<p>“Of course, I’m not mad Lena.”</p>
<p>Lena wants to believe her, she tries.</p>
<p>“And you still want to be with me?”</p>
<p>Kara is looking at her, her eyes so blue and vulnerable.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she says and it sounds so honest that it breaks Lena. “I will always want to be with you.”</p>
<p>“You do?” Lena feels tears on her face. She throws her arms around Kara and holds her tight.</p>
<p>“I thought you knew… I’m not saying that because we are together now. I… I always did.”</p>
<p>Lena didn’t want to assume, she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t used at hearing these words.</p>
<p>She wants to stay exactly where she is, with her face buried at Kara’s neck but she puts some space between them. She needs to look at Kara in order to say it.</p>
<p>“I love you too.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Kara eyes widen in surprise. Maybe Kara needed to hear it too.</p>
<p>Lena leaves a soft kiss on her lips, like a promise. Kara smiles.</p>
<p>The both have said it before but not directly and there is something special about hearing these words in that particularly order. She always felt Kara’s love in a way, she saw how much her friend cared for her soon after they met. It’s still different hearing her say it.</p>
<p>They cuddle for a few more minutes and then they decide to watch a movie.</p>
<p>It’s amazing how easy are some things with Kara, how much this relationship works. Kara can take all her fears and insecurities away without asking for anything in return. Of course, Lena wants to do the same for Kara, wants to give her everything. They could be happy like really happy, they could try to heal and become themselves again. If only they escaped. Lena thinks about it when focusing on the movie gets impossible. Her arms are wrapped around Kara, her head resting on Lena’s shoulder. They have to do something. No one is coming for them.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sitting across two people she doesn’t really know is strange. Not bad. Just strange. All this time Lena forgot how to do normal social interactions. The only person she actually talked to recently was Kara and it’s not like she had many friends in her old life. She had Kara’s friends for a while but she wasn’t close with any of them. Lena vaguely remembers hanging out with other couples when she was younger but that that was so many years ago. So, she’s not sure what she’s supposed to do now.</p>
<p>It was nice getting ready in order to go somewhere with Kara. Usually they were either home or outside and it felt good to wear something nice for once. She applied some make up, she found a dress that she liked and it made her feel a little more like herself.</p>
<p>Kara seems as confused as Lena about this dinner. She sits awkwardly next to her as she tries to be part of the conversation. They have a goal in mind, to gather certain information, but that doesn’t mean that Lena doesn’t enjoy doing something different for once. Their hosts seem nice and the food is delicious. It looks like pasta but the taste isn’t exactly the same. All this time they ordered food they were familiar with and this meal contains ingredients that don’t exist on Earth.</p>
<p>Lena already knew that Nicky was nice, she wouldn’t have accepted this invitation otherwise. His girlfriend Nicole is also someone that Lena thinks she could become friends with. But she’s not here to make friends.</p>
<p>“How long it took to learn the language?” Lena asks.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure. I wasn’t counting the days that long ago.” Nicole says.</p>
<p>So, they don’t have months or years. They just let them exist in this never-ending illusion of a life.</p>
<p>“You’re counting the days?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I try be more conscious about time passing.”</p>
<p>“I do that too,” Lena says.</p>
<p>“To answer your question. It could be two hundred days, three hundred. I am not sure. I learned some basic stuff first and then it took much more time to be fluent.”</p>
<p>“So, you’ve been here long?” Lena hopes she doesn’t sound too intrusive.</p>
<p>“We both are,” Nicky says, “I have counted more than 1.500 days.”</p>
<p>“That’s a lot,” Kara says. Lena isn’t sure if she wanted to say it out loud. She looks embarrassed.</p>
<p>“Yeah Nicky is here longer than me.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t have a choice, you know,” Nicky says. “I would have been dead otherwise. Or at least that’s what they told me.”</p>
<p>That’s not a surprise, they already knew that they take advantage of vulnerable aliens. However, she didn’t expect him to admit something like that.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” is all Lena manages to say.</p>
<p>“Did you have a choice? You look like them, you already knew their language.”</p>
<p>“It’s more complicated than that,” Kara says and her voice is louder than before.</p>
<p>“It’s okay Kara they don’t know.”</p>
<p>Nobody has specifically told them that they can’t share the details about them being kidnapped, but they know that if they cause any trouble their privileges would be taken away. The last things that Lena needs is to not be able to go outside for who knows how long.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Nicole says and turns to look at her boyfriend, “I’m sure that they didn’t <em>chose</em> to leave their home.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to be rude. I’m just saying that I haven’t met anyone else that speaks the language from day one and looks exactly like them,”</p>
<p>“That’s because the people that they took you are from our planet, Earth.” Maybe Lena shouldn’t have said this, it could be used against them. At least it’s refreshing that someone is upset about this whole situation.</p>
<p>“I thought that this would be the case,” Nicky says and Lena realizes that he isn’t upset, he’s just curious.</p>
<p> “Do you have a problem with that?” Kara asks.</p>
<p>“No! I don’t think that anyone would want to be here if they had an alternative.”</p>
<p>“So, you see that what’s happening to us isn’t okay?” Lena asks and she tries to keep her voice steady. She’s not sure what she wants to get out of this. A confirmation maybe that not everyone is completely brainwashed.</p>
<p>“Yes,” they both say.</p>
<p>“Because we can’t leave,” Lena says and her own voice is louder now.</p>
<p>“And we can’t stop working or change jobs,” he looks sad as he says that.</p>
<p>They eat in silence for a while and then she hears Kara speak.</p>
<p>“You thought we could help you? That’s why you invited us here.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Nicole admits, “but it’s not exactly how it sounds. Nicky told me about this girl that talks and looks like them and I thought that we could learn some things. But he also told me how nice she is and how well she treats everyone,” she smiles. Lena had no idea that the way she talks to all these strangers is considered nice. “So, I thought that we had to meet you.”</p>
<p>It’s more than what she anticipated they could get out of this dinner. If these two want to leave, there must be others too. Lena and Kara, they can’t escape on their own. They have walked around, they searched every place they are allowed to go and they haven’t found anything. If they work with others, there is a chance they can go home. And Lena wants to help everyone, Kara wants that too. They will both fight till everyone is safe.</p>
<p>She turns to look at Kara and Kara nods.</p>
<p>“I think that we can help each other,” Lena says.</p>
<p>“How?” Nicole asks.</p>
<p>“We need to send a message to Earth.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Physical copies.</p>
<p>Physical copies of whatever was filmed are distributed through the portal. And there is a portal, Lena believed that there is one from the start. Now it is confirmed that there is one because many people remember passing through the portal. Not her of course, she was unconscious when it happened.</p>
<p>The problem is that the portal isn’t inside the walls and it’s impossible for Lena to go there. Even if they somehow get past the wall, the portal could be anywhere on this planet. Probably it’s only a few hours away by car for practical reasons but still their chances are so low. She has to focus on the fact that the copies go there somehow.</p>
<p>That’s what Lena has been thinking obsessively for the last few hours, being unable to sleep, when Kara interrupts her from her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Hey, what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Kara’s eyes are closed but she’s awake.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” Lena says because she doesn’t want to wake her up. Kara needs to rest, they have work tomorrow.</p>
<p>“Well, you can’t stay still for more than a few minutes. Something’s wrong.” Now, she’s looking at her with so much concern.</p>
<p>“Sorry if I woke you up,” Lena says.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about,” she smiles and she looks at the space between them. “Why you are over there?” Kara asks like Lena isn’t in the same bed with her.</p>
<p>The truth is that usually they are as close as possible when they sleep and now Lena has moved a little because she didn’t want to wake her up.</p>
<p>“I was thinking about the portal.”</p>
<p>“We can think about it tomorrow. You need to sleep.”</p>
<p>She really does. Kara is right.</p>
<p>“Come here,” Kara says as she puts her hand on her chest.</p>
<p>Lena rests her head there and Kara starts stroking her back. Kara is so soft and she smells so nice. Lena could stay right there forever.</p>
<p>“We made so much progress today,” Kara says and it’s true. “I have a feeling that it won’t take much longer.”</p>
<p>It is the first time that Kara seems hopeful about the future and the first time that Lena believes her when she says that they can make it. There is a portal, they are others who want to escape and there are people on Earth who are looking for them. It’s not impossible.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“What if we record something like a message and send it through the portal?” Kara asks the following day. They have been walking outside for some time now. The afternoon sun has turned everything even more red.</p>
<p>Nicky and Nicole told them that they know someone who his job is to organize the physical copies and get them ready for transportation. If they had a video with a message between the other files, maybe no one would notice till it was too late.</p>
<p>“It could work,” she continues, “It would be easy to find the package that’s meant for Earth. The files should be compatible with our technology.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but how we would record this?” Lena asks.</p>
<p>“You remember that director from when… from when we were on set together.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Lena says.</p>
<p>“I’ve talked to him a few times and he doesn’t seem happy about his current situation. He could help us record a message and make it look like… like porn.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure about that?”</p>
<p>Kara shakes her head.</p>
<p>“It’s a long shot,” Kara says, “but maybe it’s our only chance. Do you know anyone else who we could trust?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>It’s risky. They will probably kill them if they get caught.</p>
<p>“Even if we send the message, what makes you think that whoever gets it will share it with the right people.”</p>
<p>“I honestly don’t know Lena,” she covers her face with her hands, “I just hope that whoever gets it will see that Supergirl is in a danger, and that the world… that the world needs me.”</p>
<p>It seems desperate, the way she says it. Lena understands why Kara feels this way, she has saved the world a thousand times and now that she’s the one asking for help it would be cruel to be denied. The problem is that life isn’t fair and Kara’s plan doesn’t seem realistic.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin the mood but it seems like wishful thinking. We have to rely on many people that we don’t know and then just hope that whoever sees the message isn’t a monster like the rest of these people.”</p>
<p> “Do you have a better idea?” Kara raises her voice. Lena hasn’t heard her talk like that in a long time and it feels like a punch on the face.</p>
<p>“No, but… fuck I don’t know Kara.” A slight difference in Kara’s tone and Lena is ready to start crying. “I really really want us to go home. But I don’t want you to get hurt.”</p>
<p>“Hey Lena,” she pulls her into a hug, “I know, I’m not delusional. Our chances are not great.” Her voice is soft now, soothing. “But we have to try something. I can’t just keep doing this. We have waited and waited and nothing happens. This place is… impossible to escape.”</p>
<p>Lena holds Kara even tighter, her face is on Kara’s neck and it’s getting a little easier to breathe. Kara is right but not everyone can be as brave as her.</p>
<p>“Okay, you are right, we should at least try. Let’s just take it one step at the time. Find that director and we’ll see what he will say and we can go from there.”</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like a plan.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> It’s not like they don’t realize what’s happening to them. Most of these aliens should know that it is unfair, that this isn’t how life is supposed to be. Or maybe they don’t and their plan will fail. It’s really hard to predict how they will react, these people grew up in a different planet than Lena.</p>
<p>She’s scared. If they find out what they are trying to do they will kill them. They won’t risk their whole business for two girls.</p>
<p>Kara will talk to this director soon but how soon they can’t tell. It’s not like they can just call him and ask for a favor. Kara has to wait till they are on the same set again and that could take time.</p>
<p>The only thing that Lena can do right now is to wait. To wait and stay alive. Actively working on a plan has made her more aware of their situation somehow. There were days that felt almost normal, that it was just her and Kara on a vacation. It was a way to cope and she almost misses it. Kara isn’t in a much better state, she wakes up during the night and sometimes she doesn’t eat. The only thing that makes her look like herself is the way she acts toward Lena. Kara is always gentle and sweet and no matter how much she’s hurting she will always try to make Lena feel better. Lena tries to do the same and she hopes that it’s enough.</p>
<p>The intimacy issues remain. Lena doesn’t know how she feels about sex in general. Well, she probably had more sex lately than in her whole life. If she considers that thing as sex, sometimes she does sometimes she doesn’t. It’s all very confusing.</p>
<p>Kara is lying next to her and Lena knows that if she tries something, Kara will probably say yes. She’s reading a book and as always, she looks so painfully good.</p>
<p>Lena tries to think what she used to like about sex. The thing is that it’s been so long since she had sex because she wanted to do it. But Lena tries anyway. She liked the closeness, the intimacy, the pleasure, the connection. It was always with someone she was in a relationship with and it always felt good. It left her warm and deeply satisfied.</p>
<p>She can see it happening with Kara. It will be perfect even if it’s awkward. Maybe it will be easier when they will be out of here, if they will be. The problem is that she will have to have sex with Kara again soon. It was mentioned to her. Their relationship is going fine and she doesn’t need that to happen one more time.</p>
<p>At least not before it happens because they both just want to have sex. It’s unfair that it happened to them, that Lena can’t get their first time back. ‘<em>It wasn’t supposed to happen like that</em>,’ she remembers Kara saying and she didn’t understand what Kara meant at the time. She does now.</p>
<p>Kara is still reading her book when Lena moves closer to her. She smiles the moment she sees her and she leaves her book on the bedside table. She turns on her side, facing Lena.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Kara says with a huge. It has always amazed Lena how much Kara enjoys her company, how happy Lena makes her for simply being there. She never felt worthy of it and she still doesn’t.</p>
<p>Lena cups Kara’s chin and leaves a soft kiss on her lips. Kara’s eyes remain close and she’s so cute. Lena kisses her again. This time she doesn’t stop, she starts with small kisses all over face. Kara doesn’t push, she lets her set her own pace. When she feels ready she kisses Kara more deeply and Kara opens her mouth for her.</p>
<p>Everything about Kara is so soft. Lena has moved her hand on her waist to feel the skin under her shirt. Kara leaves a small sound that Lena doesn’t know what to do with it. She wants to see Kara, to feel her, to hear every perfect sound that’s coming out of her mouth. She wants to keep her this close forever.</p>
<p>Kara breaks the kiss and looks at Lena carefully.</p>
<p>“Everything is fine Kara.”</p>
<p>“I just want to be sure.”</p>
<p>They are so close that she can fell her breathe on her face but Lena doesn’t kiss her again.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Lena asks.</p>
<p>“Yeah… Well, as okay as I can be.” It’s sad and heartbreaking and Lena hoped that Kara didn’t feel the same. That for some kind of miracle this entire situation hasn’t left her as broken as Lena.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” Lena says and her whole body tenses, “I should have asked before I kissed you.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not that. I wanted you to kiss me.” That’s a huge relief for Lena. She would hate herself even more if she made Kara uncomfortable. “And I want you, all of you. I just think we should acknowledge that it hurts and maybe it won’t… it won’t stop.”</p>
<p> Kara is right as always and she can read Lena like an open book. If they kept kissing, Lena would probably cry in the next five minutes. This is what Lena always does, she ignores her feelings, she pushes them away till they come back to destroy her completely.</p>
<p>“I… I just wish we could have this,” she looks at herself and then at Kara, “I wish we would have done this before.” Kara’s hand is on her waist, stroking the skin there. It’s encouraging and sweet. “It’s like someone took something from me.”</p>
<p>“They did, Lena.” It’s reassuring in a way, that her feelings exist for a reason, that it isn’t her fault that she’s like this.</p>
<p>“What is done is done,” Kara says, “we can’t get it back. We have to think what we want to from now on.”</p>
<p>“What do you want?”</p>
<p>Kara doesn’t answer immediately. She’s thinking about it.</p>
<p>“I want to try and keep trying. I totally understand if you don’t want to while we are here and maybe it will be easier when we are home.”</p>
<p>If they get home, Lena never forgets that. What if it never happens, what if they die trying. What if she never gets to experience Kara like that.</p>
<p>“No,” Lena says, “I don’t want to wait. Well maybe I want to. I mean that I don’t want to wait for us to get home.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Kara smiles again and her eyes get a little wider, “that’s… that’s great.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I mean it’s great that we both want the same thing,” she says like she didn’t expect it.</p>
<p>“So, do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>Kara averts her gaze. She has been looking directly in Lena’s eyes but it seems like she can’t do it now.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Kara says.</p>
<p>And no one talks.</p>
<p>Lena wants to say something. Anything would be helpful. She sits on the bed and waits. Maybe stop looking at Kara will help.</p>
<p>“How do you think it would be if we… you know… in my apartment or yours,” Kara breaks the silence.</p>
<p>Her face is red and Lena can’t believe that after everything she’s shy about it. She can’t even say it.</p>
<p>“I think I would be fucking terrified,” Lena laughs, “but in a good way.”</p>
<p>“Because I’m a girl?”</p>
<p>“Yes, certainly that would play its part.” Her lack of experience scared her and still does. It wouldn’t stop her though. “But it would also be because of my feelings for you.”</p>
<p>Kara smiles.</p>
<p>“I would be equally terrified probably.”</p>
<p>“I think you would be very shy about it,” Lena says and she can imagine Kara blushing the moment some clothes came off.</p>
<p>“Oh,” now it’s Kara who’s laughing, “that’s just me, I guess. But you have to know that it mostly happens with you.”</p>
<p>Lena hasn’t thought about it. Kara acts in a completely different way when it’s just the two of them. Well, that is also true for Lena herself. It gives her a weird sense of confidence, the fact that she affects Kara so much.</p>
<p>“We would take it slow. So slow,” she chuckles, “like five years weren’t slow enough.” They wouldn’t probably have sex for a while when they would start dating.</p>
<p>“We can still take it slow,” Kara says in a much more serious tone. “I think it would be easier for both of us.”</p>
<p>She’s right, there is no reason to rush into anything. Well there is because Lena doesn’t want her next time with Kara to be on camera but they have some time.</p>
<p>“So maybe you would like to kiss again? Maybe with less clothes?”</p>
<p>“I would like that,” Kara says without meeting her eyes.</p>
<p>Without the pressure that what they do must lead somewhere, Lena hopes that she won’t panic.</p>
<p>Lena climbs on top of Kara, straddling her and pushes her softly on her back. She leans on her elbows and kisses Kara slow and deep. Kara responds immediately, kissing her back.</p>
<p>It’s sweet and with the expectations removed from the act, Lena can feel herself relax. She takes off her sweater without really thinking about, she just wants to be closer to Kara. Hands are now stroking soothing patterns on her back and being afraid seems like a very distant thought.</p>
<p>Kara tries to take off her own shirt and fails because Lena is on top of her. That makes her smile. Lena helps her out of it and takes a better look at her. Her nipples are pink and perfect and hard and Lena wants to take then on her mouth. She waits. They said slow. She strokes her abs with her thumb creating goosebumps on her way. She feels the need to touch Kara, to let Kara touch her and it’s nice that she doesn’t have to do something about it. It’s reassuring in a way that she can still experience sexual desire and she can see that Kara wants her too. Her eyes haven’t left Lena’s body and after years of believing that Kara wouldn’t never want her like that, it melts her heart.</p>
<p>Kara cups her cheek and pulls her closer out of nowhere. This kiss is needy and she can trace some insecurity in Kara’s movements. Lena hoped that Kara didn’t feel rejected when they stopped last time but maybe it’s impossible not to. Even for Kara who understands exactly what’s going on Lena’s mind. Lena leaves open mouthed kisses on her neck, she pecks her jaw, her cheek she tries to put her arms around Kara, to hold her closer. Her mouth is close to Kara’s ear when she speaks.</p>
<p>“You know that I want you, right? That I want you so much. I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you.” Maybe it’s the arousal that makes Lena say it but she means every word. She realizes that she would do anything for Kara to feel wanted, loved. If in order to achieve that she would have to fuck Kara right now, she would. Okay, not fuck Kara that doesn’t sound right. She would make love to her. She always thought that this particular phrase sounds dump but there is nothing that describes better how she feels. She wants to show her love to Kara by making her feel so good.</p>
<p>She would also probably let Kara do whatever she wants to her. No matter what they said before.</p>
<p>“I do,” Kara says and her voice is small. Lena can barely hear her. “It’s just hard sometimes. I know I shouldn’t but I find myself having doubts.”</p>
<p>“That’s okay,” Lena says with a softest voice she has. A thought crosses her mind and before she can stop herself, she continues. “What can I do? To make you believe me.” The intention is clear in her words.</p>
<p>Kara shifts and they are side by side now, blue eyes look so serious all of a sudden.</p>
<p>“Nothing Lena… we talked about it 5 minutes ago. I will never lie to you again and that’s why I told you how I feel.”</p>
<p>Lena moves even closer somehow and hugs Kara tighter. They share some lazy and sad kisses after a while but they don’t go any further. It’s like they are on a loop, they talk about the same things over and over again, Lena realizes with her face buried in Kara’s neck. When Kara said that she can’t keep doing this, that’s what she meant. They have reached their breaking point and they will have to get out of this place one way or another.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Lena is watching a movie when she hears the loud noise coming from the door. Kara never takes her frustration on objects.</p>
<p>“I talked to him,” she says as she throws her bag on the floor. She looks like a mess, she always does when she returns to the apartment but today it’s worse somehow.</p>
<p>“Who are you talking about? Jay?”</p>
<p>Oh, she’s talking about that director, the one who is supposed to help them.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Kara confirms.</p>
<p>“Did he… fuck… he gave us out.” Her whole body tenses. She has to run but she’s not sure where to go. Her heart beats fast, like it’s going to get out of her chest.</p>
<p>“No!” Kara quickly reassures her and the words slowly register to Lena. They are safe. Well, not really but at least they won’t kill them today. “It’s not that. He wouldn’t. At least I know that now.”</p>
<p>“So, what happened?” Lena wants to get closer, to hold her hand. She hesitates, Kara doesn’t want to be touched, right after filming. She gets up anyway and offers her hand. Kara reluctantly takes it and squeezes without looking at Lena.</p>
<p>“The plan won’t work. It’s impossible to record a video and make it look like porn,” she rubs her face with her other hand. “The physical copies are produced in a certain place somewhere inside the walls. Everything that’s being made into a physical copy it’s approved by someone who is in charge, someone who isn’t one of us. The editors, the directors can’t just make one. When a “job” is finished they can send only one file that’s being made into a copy. We could probably get a copy but not make one.”</p>
<p>Kara sighs in frustration. “I knew that it was a long shot but I focused so much on that lately. It gave me hope.”</p>
<p>Lena opens her mouth to say something and nothing comes out. She can’t say that it’s going to be okay, she can’t say that she has a better idea because it will be a lie. The only thing that she can do is to pull Kara’s hand lightly. Kara gets the message and puts her arms around Lena’s neck. It’s surprising that Kara wants to hug right now.</p>
<p>Kara’s trembling and Lena remains calm, almost detached. There is no time for that. She has to think, there must be something they haven’t seen yet. There is no other option than to do something.</p>
<p>When Kara untangles herself from her and goes to shower and change, Lena says that she will go for a walk. She wants to comfort Kara and she feels bad for leaving but one hour won’t make a difference and she needs to think.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The afternoon breeze is cold on her skin and it messes with her hair. Lately she doesn’t bother to tie them up. They straighten them all the time on set but after she washes them, she leaves them curly. Then sun sets and there are many people outside, laughing and talking to each other. Do they realize what’s happening to them? Do they realize that they can’t leave? After that dinner, she knows that a lot of them do. Some them of probably don’t care, maybe their life was worse before and at least they are not starving right now. Or they just forgot. That’s what scares Lena the most, that everything starts to feel normal as the time passes, that maybe one day she will be like them, wasting her life away for someone else’s profit. She remembers days that it almost happened to her, she almost forgot and she can’t blame herself for it, it was the only way to survive. Now, something has shifted and she doesn’t know if they can go back, she certainly doesn’t want to.</p>
<p>She doesn’t know exactly where she’s going and it doesn’t matter. So many thoughts, so many impossible escapes. They could try to fight their way out and probably die instantly from a bullet. Kara must have thought of that, even if she never mentioned it. She’s a fighter, a hero, that’s what she does. She could take a few guards and Lena knows how to defend herself. They could manage to steal a gun or two.</p>
<p>They would still die. Two persons against hundreds isn’t going to work.</p>
<p>A riot could do it but there is a reason that it has never happened. Not everyone is outside at the same time and it would be impossible to organize. Someone would talk.</p>
<p>“Hi Lena,” she hears. She was so lost in her own head that she hasn’t looked around of her for some time.</p>
<p>It’s Nicole. And she knows where they are, it’s a place that Nicole mentioned during dinner. It’s a small hill that she usually watches the sunset from.</p>
<p>“Oh, hi.”</p>
<p>“You look like you got lost.”</p>
<p>“I wish,” she says, “this area isn’t big enough to get lost. I was just walking.”</p>
<p>“When I saw you from afar, I thought you came here on purpose.”</p>
<p>It was supposed to be a meeting point, if there were any new developments in their plan. Nicole comes here all the time anyway and if Lena or Kara came here a few days in a row, they would most likely see her. Somehow Lena got here by accident.</p>
<p>“No, I… I didn’t.”</p>
<p>“You look like-“</p>
<p>“A fucking mess,” Lena doesn’t let Nicole finish her sentence.</p>
<p>“I wanted to say that you look like something is troubling you,” she smiles.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t call it something, I would call it my entire living situation.” She shouldn’t be rude with her. She’s trying to be nice.</p>
<p>“Your plan didn’t work,” she states like she knows what happened and maybe it’s written all over Lena’s face. Nicole didn’t know exactly what their plan was but she knew some of it. They had talked one more time since that dinner.</p>
<p>“It was a stupid, desperate idea that would have never worked,” Lena says.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Her voice is low and soft like she’s actually sad about Kara and Lena. It irritates Lena even more, she doesn’t want anyone’s pity.</p>
<p>“Why? I mean really, why do you care?” Lena knows that the girl doesn’t deserve these words and they are going to lose their only friends. She can’t stop herself though. Why a stranger would want to help her? There is no guarantee that Nicole or her boyfriend will get anything out of this. “Why do you want to help us? It seems like you have your life here. Why risk it?”</p>
<p>“Because you don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve this, no one does,” Nicole raises her voice and looks at Lena. She’s still not angry.</p>
<p>“That doesn’t really explain why you want to help me. You don’t know me, even if I get out, you don’t know that I will help you.”</p>
<p>“You are right. I don’t know that. But they… they killed my friend and even if there is a slight chance that your stupid and desperate plan will work and you will manage to end this place, I will take it.” The words cut through Lena like a knife. She’s acting like an asshole again. She doesn’t know this girl in front of her, she doesn’t know her story. She just assumed and let her nerves get the best of her.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Lena asks. “I’m sorry you don’t have to tell me and I’m sorry about all these questions. I’m not myself right now.” It’s not an excuse for being so impolite to someone for no reason but this day so far has been exhausting.</p>
<p>“Nothing, she just disappeared one day,” she takes a deep breathe, “they make you think you are safe but the moment you say no, you are dead.”</p>
<p>This isn’t new information, Lena knew they would kill them both if they didn’t comply with the rules There was always that irritating thought in the back of her mind that there was another way. That they would torture them, hold them captive but at the end they would give them another job. It’s a validation that she didn’t know she needed and maybe it’s disgusting that this is her take from Nicole’s story about her dead friend, but at least she knows that she didn’t do all these things for nothing.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” Lena says and she feels so useless. “I can’t imagine how difficult this must have been for you.” She really can’t. What if she lost Kara? It’s impossible to not make the comparison even if she and Kara are more than friends now.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I will ever be the same again,” she simply states. All emotion gone from her face.</p>
<p>Lena wants to ask more about what happened. Out of respect she doesn’t.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to be, when we lose someone it changes us,” Lena says.</p>
<p>“I can’t change the past but I can try to make sure that it won’t happen to anyone else. That’s why I wanted to meet you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know if we’ll make it but I promise you that I will do everything in my power to end these people.” Lena truly means it. She has so much hate inside of her, for Lex, for anyone who is in charge. People are not objects, to lock them up and humiliate them for someone’s entertainment.</p>
<p>“You said that I don’t know you and you are right but for some reason I believe in you Lena.”</p>
<p>She doesn’t want to cry and it’s really hard not to. She always wanted to help people but deep down she never felt worthy and her failures constantly prove her right.</p>
<p>“You understand why the killed her?” Nicole says.</p>
<p>“She didn’t want to… perform.” It’s an easy guess, the same reason they would kill Kara and Lena.</p>
<p>“Well, she did for a long time. It’s funny because this is how I met her. We started hanging out a lot and time passed. One day she told me she fell in love. I met her partner, I was so happy for her. Then, the weirdest thing happened, she told me she wanted to stop having sex on set. I honestly couldn’t understand why,” she chuckles and it’s self-depreciating and sad, “we all do it. This is the best job, we get all these things, the best apartments, the food. It never affected my relationship. But I wanted her to be happy so I told her to do whatever feels right for her. I thought that she would just have a smaller apartment or something. And then she… disappeared. I heard that some people saw guards take them both.”</p>
<p> It doesn’t surprise Lena that someone would want to stop eventually. It also doesn’t surprise her that it wasn’t allowed. If they did, they would appear weak. But by having people disappear every now and then they make sure that no one dares to defy them.</p>
<p> “I want to help, I really do. There was a plan. We have friends on Earth, at least Kara has. If they knew where we are, they would come for her. But the only thing that goes through the portal is the fucking porn we make. Well, what has me and Kara doesn’t go to that particular destination but-“</p>
<p>Unless. No, it’s a ridiculous thought. What if it did, what if they send it there. Whoever got it would just share it with the world. It would go viral in half an hour. Kara’s team would know where they are. Maybe not exactly where but it would be a huge fucking clue.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys! Happy new year!</p><p>This chapter took me more time than I expected but it also longer than usual. There is one more chapter left to the main plot and then probably one long chapter as an epilogue or maybe two.</p><p>Thank you for all the comments and kudos, I really appreciate them.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You are not being serious,” Kara says. She’s pacing around their living room for the last five minutes, repeating a variation of the same words.</p><p>“I totally am.”</p><p>“But they will all see!”</p><p>“People have already seen.” Okay, that’s not exactly the same, Lena knows it. She knows what Kara means. It’s different that random aliens have watched them fuck than the whole world that knows them. And it would certainly be the whole world because who wouldn’t watch Supergirl and Lena Luthor? Kara’s family members for sure and hopefully Lena’s too. Well, Lex probably has all the videos of them being tortured and raped already but Lena is still his sister.</p><p>“I don’t know Lena.”</p><p>“Look at me,” Lena stands up from the couch and waits till Kara meets her eyes, “I know it sounds crazy and I hate it as much as you do. But think about it. We know a guy who can give us a copy and we know someone who organizes them and sends them away. It’s the only logical conclusion.”</p><p>Kara shakes her head and Lena takes her hands in hers.</p><p>“It could just be me,” Lena continues, “I mean in the video. We could use one with just me. The only problem is that we don’t know if they will come to rescue me. But if you don’t want anyone to see, we could try anyway. I will.” It’s the truth, Kara’s friends won’t come for Lena. They would come for Kara though, and they have probably figured out already that both of them are missing and if a video with Lena fucking aliens is the first clue they have in months, they would probably follow it.</p><p>“No Lena, that’s not true.” This is her take from all of this?</p><p>“I’m trying to be realistic here.”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” she takes a step, “please just give me a moment to think.”</p><p>Kara sits on a chair, leaning on the dinner table with her hands on her face. Did she just break Kara? Lena’s plan isn’t that much worse from their old one. It’s actually more likely for their new plan to succeed. If they send a message, whoever finds the video would probably inform their captors or Lex and they would destroy it. Then they would kill Kara and Lena and everyone who helped. But if they send a video with Supergirl and Lena Luthor having sex, that’s a completely different story.</p><p>“Can you explain to me how this will help?” Kara asks finally and her tone is even, calm.</p><p>“The whole world is looking for you and the existence of this place isn’t exactly a secret. You came across alien porn, I’m sure others have too. It won’t be that hard to find us.”</p><p>“You actually believe that it will work?”</p><p>“Yes. There’s always the chance that they would kill us the moment that it’s leaked but I think that’s unlikely. There are humans behind this who wouldn’t want the whole world to know that they killed Supergirl. You have friends who would want revenge, these people won’t risk it. The only person that wouldn’t care about that is Lex and he isn’t here and I suspect that he isn’t in charge. He probably owns a part of this but there are others too.”</p><p>Kara looks at her.</p><p>“Okay,” she says, “I don’t have a better idea and I’m tired.” Lena didn’t expect Kara to agree so easily.</p><p>“We don’t have to decide right now but we have to think about it. You want to send one with both of us or one with me?” </p><p>“Neither,” Kara stands up and seems determined. “You don’t have to be in it.”</p><p>Of course, Lena should have seen that coming. Kara would always try to do everything by herself.</p><p>She doesn’t know how to answer that because Kara is right. Lena being in the video won’t help. Maybe it will get them more views but that doesn’t matter, it will go viral anyway and it will reach Kara’s team. It’s not that anyone would try to save Lena.</p><p>“I don’t want you to be alone in this,” Lena says because it’s the truth. It will be easier for Kara if they go through this together and the public won’t focus so much on her.</p><p>“They will see Supergirl, I will still have Kara. My life won’t change. Maybe they will make jokes about me or maybe they won’t want me near their kids but in the end, I don’t think that they won’t let me save them.”</p><p>This person in front of her can’t possibly be real. How can someone be so selfless? The public won’t know that Kara is Supergirl and they won’t slut shame her in her daily life. It will still be her body on the screen though.</p><p>“Lena you have your life. That…,” she hesitates and it proves her point of how uncomfortable it makes Kara that she can’t even call it with its name, “that video will be forever on the internet and everyone will watch. It will make your life… difficult.”</p><p>Difficult isn’t the right word to describe the absolute hell that it will be her life. Being a woman and a CEO was already difficult before, men were already disrespectful before.</p><p>“It’s not that I will be looking for a job,” Lena says trying to make the situation lighter than it is. She will have money at least, some women go through similar situations with nothing. Setting up L-corp all over again will be tricky though.</p><p>“You know what I’m talking about,” Kara says in a much more serious tone.</p><p>“I do and I don’t care. I want to go home,” Lena says in what she hopes is a softer voice and takes a step closer.</p><p>Kara eyes soften.</p><p>“We will go home. I just want you to have a life.”</p><p>Lena wants to tell her that whether she will have a life or not, doesn’t depend on what everyone will think about her. Kara is the only thing that could give her life meaning. It isn’t fair to put so much pressure on her though and it isn’t healthy to think like that anyway. She should be wanting to go home for herself, to take her life back, not for someone else. However, all she can think about is Kara. Will Kara still love her? Will she want to date Lena in the real word? It doesn’t matter how many times Kara tells her that she wants to be with her, that she has feelings for her, Lena still has doubts. The logical part of her brain tells her that this is happening because of their situation but the uncertainties are still there.</p><p>“I’ll be fine, as long as…,” Lena hesitates, she doesn’t want it to sound like Kara has to be in a relationship with her. “As long as you are a part of my life.”</p><p>Kara smiles, like the thought of Lena wanting to spend time with her is the best thing that could happen to her.</p><p> “You make me happy, Lena.”</p><p>It’s a relief. They both want the same thing, they want to be in each other’s life and the rest is irrelevant. If they are free and safe and together, a video won’t be that important.</p><p>“Let’s think about something else for a moment,” Lena tries to change the subject. “Do you think that we should put some other clues somehow in the video?”</p><p>“It could be helpful.”</p><p>“The problem is that we don’t control the camera or the editing.”</p><p>Kara starts walking around again. At some point she stops and she looks like she has something to say. She doesn’t and she continues walking.</p><p>“There is something,” Kara says after some minutes, “but I’m not sure if I want to do it.” She doesn’t meet Lena’s eyes.</p><p>“You don’t have to. I think they will find us anyway.”</p><p>“Remember when they asked me to speak Kryptonian?” Kara seems nervous about that. Lena remembers, it was one of their worst moments.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“So, it has become a usual request.”</p><p>They ask a lot of people to do that actually. It’s all about that different species fuck kink. Lena doesn’t want to shame anyone about that exactly. If the performers had chosen to do it or if they were paid, she supposes it would be okay.</p><p>“I never actually do it,” Kara continues, “I just pretend.”</p><p>“You are thinking about a message in Kryptonian?”</p><p>It is actually a very good idea. Nobody would notice.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Look Kara, I think it would help but it isn’t necessary.”</p><p>Kara covers her face with her hands and leaves a sound of frustration. Lena takes her hand and lead her to the couch. They both need to relax a little.</p><p>“This is going to sound stupid,” Kara says. “I think it would actually make it easier for me.”</p><p>Lena didn’t expect that. Kara speaking her native language in porn doesn’t sound something that she would be willing to do.</p><p>“Why?” Lena asks in what she hope is a nonjudgmental tone.</p><p>“If there is something in this video that says that we don’t consent, that we are here against our will, it could make a difference on how people treat us in the future.”</p><p>Well, even if they stated in English that they didn’t choose to do this, people would still blame them. A message in a language that nobody speaks won’t stop people from shaming them. She doesn’t want to ruin Kara’s fantasy but she can’t let her do it for the wrong reason.</p><p>“Kara, it won’t change anything,” Lena says in her softest voice. “I mean, it would help your team to find us. But when it comes to the public, they choose to believe whatever they want.”</p><p>She raises her head to look at Lena in the eyes.</p><p>“What about the people we know?” She sounds desperate.</p><p>“It would make a difference to them. They will have less question.”</p><p>“I’ll do it then,” Kara says, her voice firm and steady.</p><p>“It’s your choice Kara and you can always change your mind.”</p><p>When she feels ready, Lena goes to pick up their dinner that must have been in the box for a while. Kara doesn’t seem like she wants to eat. She takes small bites and rearranges the food on her plate.</p><p>“If you want to do it, it will be easier with me there.”</p><p>Kara nods. She probably understands that it would be impossible without Lena. To say these things while pretending to say something else, something that’s supposed to be hot.</p><p>“What’s on your mind?” Lena asks when Kara has been staring at her food for ten minutes.</p><p>“I was thinking who would translate the message. My cousin could do it, if… if he’s alright. Or Brainy but I’m not sure. I just hope that everyone is safe.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I have said this before but Lex wouldn’t care about the others. As for your cousin, he had time to hide. Lex attacked you first.”</p><p>Kara nods.</p><p>“Also, I was thinking that someone I know, someone from my team will probably have to watch it.”</p><p>She isn’t wrong. Someone will watch because despite what everyone says, they will have to make sure that it is truly Kara and Lena. They will look carefully for clues about their location, that’s what she would do if she was in their place.</p><p>Lena reaches for her hand.</p><p>“Kara, I’m sure it won’t be…” Lena stops when she realizes how stupid she sounds. Okay, it won’t be her sister but it will be someone that Kara knows.</p><p>Kara doesn’t seem to mind. She’s not even paying attention because she starts talking again, mostly to herself. “What my family will think of me? What about the family that I don’t have yet?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, she only stares at the wall without really looking. Kara seems to worry about a future family that doesn’t exist yet and Lena doesn’t want to go there. It’s one thing to have parents or a sister when a video like that exists on the Internet and it’s completely different to have kids.</p><p>Kara suddenly turns to look at her. “Would you still… love me if you were there and I was here and you know…” The question surprises Lena.</p><p>“Yes, always.” There is no other answer. Lena would still love Kara no matter what. “It isn’t something that you chose to do and even if it was, it isn’t a reason to think less of someone. At least for me.”  </p><p>Kara squeezes her hand and Lena knows that she believes her. They don’t have much energy left after this conversation, so they start getting ready for bed. They stay really close to each other, touching somehow or holding hands. They have developed a very casual intimacy. It is sweet but it scares Lena a little, the fact that she can’t function without Kara. It makes sense after everything that happened to them and they have more pressing matters to think about at the moment, so she leaves this thought at the back of her mind. They have a real plan after so long that they had nothing and Kara is all around her, holding her. It doesn’t take her long to fall asleep.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Their plan is going to work, Lena knows it. She had spent the last two days thinking about every possible scenario. These people that keep them here aren’t Lex. Her brother is connected to them somehow but the important thing is that he isn’t on this planet. The only outcome that can result in failure is the possibility that they have a person on the other side of the portal that checks the content of the movies. This is highly unlikely because there is no need for something like that. Probably they just give them right away to the people that distribute them on Earth.</p><p>In two days, they have to go back on set together for what it will hopefully be their last time there. When the movie is ready, this is over. They will either make it and go home or they will die. Even if the chance of them dying seems very low, there is something that she wants to do first.</p><p>They are surprisingly calm this evening, after spending the whole day doing nothing. They have both tried to avoid the subject of their escape today. They talked about everything already, stressing about it won’t do them any favors, it will just drive them crazy. So, they went for a walk and they ate outside, Kara held her hand the whole time.</p><p>Now Kara is half on top of her on the couch and she has been so cute the whole day, Lena can’t keep her hands away from her. She leaves a kiss on the top of her head because it is close to her lips and Kara kisses the place between her neck and her shoulder because her face is buried there.</p><p>Kara shifts and gives her a real kiss, open mouthed and wet. Her legs straddling Lena’s thigh, her hand on Lena’s cheek pulling her closer. It’s dirty and it creates all kinds of ideas in Lena’s mind. They have talked about it, nothing has to happen but maybe it is the right time. She doesn’t want to push Kara so there is no explanation for the next words that come out of her mouth.</p><p>“I really don’t want to die before we have sex.”</p><p>Kara’s eyes are wide and her face flashed. That was a terrible thing to say.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Lena says, “I don’t want to make it sound like we have to.”</p><p>Kara shakes her head.</p><p>“No,” she smiles like Lena is being an idiot again, “if we are going to die, I want us to have this,” she says softly and she kisses Lena again.</p><p>Maybe they are both being too dramatic about the whole dying thing. But Lena can’t imagine to leave this life without experiencing Kara like that. She never thought that she could have her and now that it is actually possible, she can’t give it up.</p><p>“Oh, that’s…,” Lena forgets how to form words now that it gets too real, “fuck, I’m so nervous suddenly.” She smiles to hide her embarrassment, inches from Kara’s face.</p><p>“It’s normal to be nervous. It is our first time.” There is a disbelief in her voice that she tried to hide.</p><p>“Hey Kara. It is our first time.”</p><p>Kara puts her arms around her neck and pulls her even closer. If she thinks too much about it, she doesn’t know what counts as a first time. They had sex before, many times, she remembers it. But she never had sex with Kara before and both of these statements are true.</p><p>“I want to talk about something first,” Lena says. Kara nods and sits next to Lena, she’s still touching her but not in a distracting way like before. She tries to concentrate, she has to do this right. “The other time, I know that I was the one who stopped whatever was happening but I want to know if there is something that is bothering you.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll start,” Lena says when Kara doesn’t answer. It is really hard for Lena to say the next words. “What happened and I think it is something that won’t go away is that what we were doing reminded me of the times that I had sex and I didn’t want to.” Only then Lena lets out a breath. It’s not that Kara couldn’t have guessed what was going on in Lena’s mind, she probably feels the same, it just feels good to say it out loud. And it feels good that Kara listens to her. No one has ever showed so much interest in what she has to say as Kara.</p><p>“We don’t have-“</p><p>“That’s not what I’m trying to say,” Lena doesn’t let her finish. She has heard these words too many times. “I think that… I can live with it, I don’t want to let the things that happened to me affect my whole life. That doesn’t mean that it is gone. It just means that right now I want to do this. It helped me a lot that we took our time to get more comfortable with each other and I believe that if I stay focused on the present it will be okay.” Lena isn’t used to talk so openly about her thoughts and feelings. With Kara she is safe to do so.</p><p>“Thank you for explaining that to me,” Kara says, “because this isn’t exactly how I feel.” She looks at their joined hands and then in front of her avoiding Lena’s face. “I am not comfortable with myself, it’s difficult to explain, it’s like there is something on me that I can never wash away.” She has mentioned something like that before and it fills Lena with rage, she wants to hurt everyone who has caused Kara this pain. All kinds of torture flash through her mind. Lena takes a deep breath and blocks them away, this moment is only Kara’s and Lena’s. She asked because she needed to know exactly how Kara feels and everything else doesn’t belong here.</p><p>She doesn’t want to cry and Kara seems like she’s fighting the same tears herself. She places her arm behind Kara and lets her rest her head on her shoulder. She pecks her cheek and then her lips.</p><p>“I’m sorry if I ruined the mood. I just needed to know that,” Lena says.</p><p>“No, it was important,” she reassures Lena.</p><p>When they calm down and Kara takes her by her hand and leads them to their bedroom. They are standing in front of each other, holding each other’s hands and nobody dares to move. In another life they would be all smiles and awkwardness and Lena longs for it because it’s clear that it isn’t them and it will never be.</p><p>“I want this to be different. It has to be,” Lena says as she reluctantly takes off her sweater. She’s wearing a bra this time but it doesn’t stop Kara from staring. What she means is that she can’t repeat actions that will remind her of other things, like taking each other’s clothes fast, at least for now. She hopes that Kara understands.</p><p>Kara bites her bottom lip and tugs at the base of her own t-shirt. She closes her eyes and then she speaks.</p><p>“I feel like an idiot that I’m suddenly shy about it.”</p><p>Lena takes her in her hands again and she’s really glad that they had this conversation before because she definitely has a better understanding of Kara’s problem.</p><p>“You are not,” Lena tries to use her softest voice, “but you can keep whatever you want. I don’t mind.”</p><p>“No, I want to be as close to you as possible.”</p><p>It’s sweat and Lena understands. There is fragile balance between what they want and what they don’t. The prospect of sex scares Lena and at the same time she wants to try because she loves Kara and she wants to be with her in every possible way. It seems like Kara feels the same, and while she’s fighting her own demons, she won’t let anything stop them.</p><p>Lena closes her eyes and squeezes Kara’s hands. Their lips are so close but they are not touching yet. Kara’s presence in front of her is overwhelming. Kara loves her, she really does, there is no other explanation for what has been happening between them lately. Kara is her girlfriend and she isn’t used to this word yet, she has to constantly remind herself. Lena knows that this moment of clarity won’t last forever and her fears and doubts about the relationship will come back but she also knows that they will be okay.</p><p>Kara’s lips find hers, they are barely kissing. She feels soft like always and it melts Lena from the inside. Kara’s places her hands at Lena’s waist, slightly stroking the skin there. Lena wants to feel Kara too but she waits, Kara will let her if she wants.</p><p>She feels the tension growing on her body, she cups Kara’s face and deepens the kiss. Lena never thought that it is possible to want someone that much. Kara must have really meant that she wants her as close as possible because she suddenly breaks the kiss and takes off her t-shirt and then her bra. Her fists are clenched on her sides and her eyes are shut. Lena can’t remember if she looked that uncomfortable the last time she was that naked in front of her. Maybe Lena was too anxious herself to notice exactly how Kara felt. Maybe now that it is going somewhere Kara is more nervous.</p><p>Lena rubs her arms to show her that she is here, that she is safe, that they can stop anytime. She tries to not stare at the perfect half naked Kara in front of her and she waits for her to open her eyes. When she does, Lena smiles and Kara smiles too. Lena takes off her own bra and lets it fall to the floor. There is a hand again on her waist that doesn’t dare to move. Lena places her own hand on Kara’s and pushes it upwards. Kara bites her lips when she sees her finger brushing over Lena’s nipple. It is barely a touch but it travels through Lena’s body like a wave of electricity.</p><p>As they kiss again and Kara gets bolder with her touch, cupping her breast and pulling her closer, there are thoughts in Lena’s mind that don’t belong here. If she stays focused on the present, they won’t take control of her. She tries to think of what she’s feeling right now, Kara’s skin on hers, how she smells, her tongue in her mouth. It’s impossible to block the memories completely but it helps.</p><p>They only stop to take off the rest of their clothes and then Lena kisses Kara again and pushes her lightly towards the bed. When her legs bump at the edge of the bed, Kara sits and starts to move without turning around till she is lying in the middle. She’s so beautiful like that, completely naked only for Lena. Her legs are pressed closed and she holds the sheets so tight like she’s fighting the urge to cover herself. Lena wastes no time to comfort her, she climbs into the bed and leans on her elbows above Kara, her eyes only on Kara’s face.</p><p>Lena cups her cheek and Kara leans into the touch, closing her eyes, a small smile on her lips.</p><p>“You are so beautiful,” Lena says because Kara has to know, “I can’t believe you are real.”</p><p>Kara opens her eyes and they are almost tearful. She seems surprised but Lena can’t trace the disbelief that used to be there. If Lena who has spent years believing only the worst about herself can trust Kara when she tells her how she feels about her. Then there is a chance that Kara believes her too. Kara is like the most beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking person in the universe and it’s not because of her looks.</p><p>Kara moves her head slightly, searching for Lena’s lips. Lena lowers herself and gives her a kiss that’s wet and sloppy. Kara pulls her even closer and now she’s completely on top of Kara, every part of them touching and Lena probably has never been that aroused in her life. She has to stop herself from grinding on Kara because this lovely moment can easily backfire if they rush into it and become something scary.</p><p>She leaves a tentative kiss on Kara’s neck and when she doesn’t sense any sign of discomfort she continues kissing and sucking lightly. There is something that suddenly needs to be said, something that Lena knew but she wasn’t exactly sure how to translate it into words.</p><p>She holds her close and whispers.</p><p>“I can’t just stay still or you know lie down and not move.”</p><p>It’s a request and Lena is proud of herself for being able to set some boundaries. If they hadn’t fucked up her mind, she’s sure that she would have let Kara do whatever she wants, she could offer herself in a way that now she can’t because it would be too painful.</p><p>Kara who hasn’t stop holding her, starts stroking her back with soothing movements.</p><p>“Don’t worry about that,” she hears Kara saying, “we’ll do only whatever feels right.”</p><p>She shifts to look at Kara and points with her eyes to the space between them. Kara nods and Lena can’t wait any longer. She kisses her lips, her face, her neck and now that she knows that this is something that Kara wants, she moves lower. The thing is that Lena hasn’t done this with a girl before. Well, technically she has but that wasn’t real. If she didn’t have to worry about triggering herself or Kara, she could just be nervous and take her time, they could both just relax and find what they like to do, together. Kara feels so good under her, her skin is so smooth and soft and Lena wants to lose herself in her, till she can’t remember anything else. But she tries to stay focused, careful not to do anything that could ruin this moment.</p><p>She can’t get over how fast Kara’s nipples harden every time she touches them and how even more desperate for relief it makes her. She is so wet right now and Kara must be able to feel it on her thigh. She takes a nipple in her mouth while cupping Kara with her hand. Kara is encouraging her by placing a hand behind her head and adding a small amount of pressure.</p><p>Lena could stay right where she is all day but she checks on Kara again to see if she is okay. Her face is flushed and it’s clear that something changed, she seems relaxed like she’s enjoying herself as much as Lena. Lena wonders if she is as wet as she is and suddenly there is a desperate need to touch her. She strokes her thigh and she can feel Kara moving under her, reacting to her touch.</p><p>Kara moves her hips a little to show her that this is what she wants and Lena doesn’t have any reason to deny it to her. She cups Kara but she is too anxious about it to move yet. She must look weird like that but honestly this is too much. Kara is looking at her like she is the most interesting thing in the world and maybe just for a moment Lena believes her. She feels so good and Lena can tell that she’s wet even if she isn’t touching her properly. Kara bites her lip and then kisses Lena like her life depends on it. The kiss somehow makes her brave enough to start circling Kara’s clit. A moan comes out of Kara’s mouth that’s so close to her own. She wants to make her feel so good and she can’t believe that she kind of does.</p><p>“Inside,” Kara says and she’s already out of breath.</p><p>Oh, Kara is so wet. It’s nothing like the other times. Lena is sure that she can slide two fingers inside of her. The thought of other times is uncomfortable in her head, it doesn’t belong here. She pushes two fingers inside slowly and the image of her doing this in the past is still here. Lena closes her eyes and buries the memories somewhere so deep that they won’t ruin the present. Because this moment is all they have.</p><p>She wasn’t quick enough though because Kara saw her. She can see her push through her arousal to come back to herself. She is worried.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Kara asks.</p><p>“Yes,” Lena says and she means it. They talked about it before, she knew that it wouldn’t be completely comfortable. “Does this feel good?” Lena hopes her question didn’t sound too insecure but she doubts it.</p><p>“Lena, it feels amazing.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s good. So, I’ll start moving a little.”</p><p>Lena tries to find a rhythm. She remembers how she likes to be fingered and she hopes that she’s good enough. She wants to be gentle and loving and show her how them being together in this way makes her feel. She tries to find the spot that makes Kara leave delicious sounds. She studies her face to see when she closes her eyes, when her breathing changes. Her confidence builds every time Kara trembles, every time she sounds like she likes it.</p><p>“Can I… can I touch you too?” Kara asks between quick breaths.</p><p>Lena thinks about it and it could work. She’s on top and this wouldn’t remind her of anything else. She has been worried the whole time that if they changed their positions she would want to stop. She’s also so worked up right now that it’s almost painful.</p><p>She nods.</p><p>Without taking her fingers out of Kara she pushes her hips up and she’s on her knees above Kara using her other hand to steady herself. The angle isn’t the best when she starts to grind slowly on Kara’s palm but it feels amazing because it is Kara the one who is touching her.</p><p>“You don’t know how bad I’ve wanted this to happen,” Kara says.</p><p>Maybe she does, they both wanted this for years and they were too afraid to ask. It feels right, like they are meant to do this. Touching each other so intimately. Now it doesn’t seem so dramatic that she said that she didn’t want to die without this experience. Because Kara is looking at her with eyes so blue and vulnerable, she’s putting so much trust in Lena. She wants to keep her safe and close to her forever.</p><p>“I do,” she says simply.</p><p>She wants more and she starts riding Kara’s fingers when she pushes them inside of her. It’s hard to coordinate her hips and her hand but Lena doesn’t care. It is perfect anyway. Kara is touching her in places that belong to her now, this part of Lena is and has always been Kara’s. She didn’t know that sex could be like that. It’s like this is something more, something that she was meant to do. It’s their love that takes every awful and scary though away.</p><p>When she feels Kara getting tense and restless, she slows down her hips and focuses on her. She can hear how wet she is and she can feel it too. She feels her tremble and quiver under her touch until Kara grabs her wrist. Lena kisses her as she gently takes out her fingers. Lena doesn’t feel satisfied yet but she doesn’t mind if they stop, whatever Kara wants.</p><p>Oh, Kara doesn’t want to stop. She takes a moment to calm down and then she starts moving her fingers that are still inside of Lena. The angle is better now and she can feel her deeper inside of her. A thumb is on her clit and Lena moans at that. After a while Kara follows the rhythm she set with her hips and Lena is sure that she’s never felt this much pleasure before. It has little to do with what exactly they’re doing and everything to do with the fact that it is Kara. When she collapses on top of her, feeling too tired to move, Lena smiles.</p><p>Kara holds her and everything is fine for once. They have each and she is glad that at least they are together now. Kara looks… happy. The pain that it’s usually all over her face is gone. Her eyes are bright, her smile warm. It reminds Lena of other times, when they used to spend time together and Kara looked at her like that. While, at the time, Kara wanted more from their relationship, it didn’t stop her from being happy. Lena understands because she felt the same, she was beyond excited that she had Kara in her life in any way she could.</p><p>So, now that they are together and that they have a plan to go home, Lena promises to herself that she will try to make her happy every day. The pain will come back, that’s inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that this is all what their life will be about.</p><p>Kara covers them with the sheets when they start to feel the cold. They have never cuddled naked before and Lena quickly realizes that this is her new favorite thing.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s different to wake up like that, naked in each other’s arm. Kara gives her a kiss when she opens her eyes. They have plans for today, their shoot isn’t until tomorrow and they don’t know how many days they have left. It will probably take some time to edit the video after they are done shooting. So, it’s probably three days on set and then three to five days of waiting.</p><p>They wear sweaters and coats to go out today.</p><p>“I want us to have free time,” Lena says.</p><p>Kara turns to look at her.</p><p>“I mean when we go home, I don’t want to work all the time,” she explains when Kara seems confused.</p><p>“I didn’t expect that. I thought you’ve missed it.”</p><p>“I’ve missed it and there so many things that I want to do.” Lena has missed her company, her science projects. These things are a part of her but they are not her whole life. “I mean I want to also have more time for myself and for you. It’s kind of sad that I had to be a prisoner on another planet to take a day off.” They both laugh at that.</p><p>“Time for me?” Kara’s tone is playful.</p><p>“Yeah.” Lena smiles.</p><p>It’s really sad that someone had to take her life away for Lena to see all the things that she was missing. If they get their second chance, Lena is sure that she won’t waste it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Arriving on set with Kara again isn’t as terrifying as she thought it would be. Lena has accepted what has to happen for what it will hopefully be the last time. Now that she knows that Kara wants her and loves her, she won’t be torturing herself the entire time.</p><p>They recognize a lot of faces now. Everyone seems to like Kara even more than the last time. Lena has seen how deeply she’s hurting every day and nevertheless Lena is sure that she was nice to everyone the whole time. Kara casually holds her hand like they do every time they walk together and she notices Jay in the other side of the room. He has promised that he will give them the video and their plan won’t work without him. Lena hopes that Kara knows what she’s doing, putting so much trust on one person. Maybe he wants to leave and that’s why he’s helping them.</p><p>She is calm when they fix her hair and makeup, almost detached from what’s happening. Lena looks at herself in the mirror. She is… pretty. Her black hair is straight now and her skin is even more pale. They always give her the same look. She looks younger like this and maybe it’s more indicative of her actual age. For years she tried to make herself look older, dressing in suits, keeping her hair up most of the time. Kara is sitting next to her. She is frozen, staring at the mirror. Her hair is Supergirl style, her bangs have grown out but not completely so they still fall on her face.</p><p>The scripts are always vague and they don’t have much dialogue because the audience doesn’t speak the same language. The only moment that they can sneak their message is at the beginning. The first shot is going to happen outside and as everyone is getting ready, Kara stops in front of her. She takes Lena’s hands in hers and her cold, unreadable expression breaks for one second.</p><p>“If you need anything, tell me.”</p><p>Lena nods and she hopes that Kara knows that she can do the same. It’s really difficult for her to talk right now as she has already entered the mindset that helped her survive all this time. She doesn’t go somewhere else like the first few times, she remains in her body, more aware of what’s happening. She’s just disconnected from her feelings in a way, so nothing can hurt her.</p><p>Lena takes off her coat, feeling the breeze on her skin and the cameras start rolling. She starts walking till Kara pushes her so her back is against the wall. It isn’t socking because she knew it was going to happen, she’s more anxious about the next few seconds. She can see Kara hesitating, opening her mouth and not speaking. The camera can’t record it because it is on her back. Then Kara starts talking. The message is simple, she has to tell them that they are here against their will, that they are prisoners and that this is a planet with a red sun. The last part seems unnecessary now that the red light is all over their faces.</p><p>Kara kisses her and bites her lips as she tugs roughly at her top. She takes it off, exposing her to the camera. They have enough experience now to not block the view. Lena has to admit that it has become easier and less humiliating to be naked in front of others. Kara squeezes her breasts and pinches her nipples as she kisses her neck, giving everyone a great show. She sees the goosebumps on her skin and her nipples that have stiffened from something other than arousal. This outdoor shot can’t be done soon enough. At least the sun warms her up a little.</p><p>If everything goes according to plan, people who know them will see these scenes and as much as Lena hates the idea, she needs them to be good. She doesn’t want to look like a stupid, miserable, naked joke. She wants to look hot, someone who they want to fuck. It’s a really twisted thought and Lena is a little disgusted by herself for it.</p><p>Kara turns her around. The wall is cold on her face but Kara is careful to not actually hurt her. She can feel her skirt being lifted and of course there are no panties underneath. A hand rubs the skin on her ass and then there is a slap. She hears it more than she feels it, it doesn’t hurt. Lena knew that it would happen and it isn’t the first time so it’s not a big deal. She leaves moans like what’s happening it’s actually entertaining. Then there is a combination of slaps and squeezes till someone tells them to move on.</p><p>Kara positions her a little different, with her legs apart, leaning more of her weight to the wall. Lena doesn’t feel ready for what it is about to happen. It could be hot if they weren’t in front of everyone. She’s glad that at least they have both realized that they can go slow and that these parts will be cut in the end.</p><p>“Hey,” Kara says with her mouth close to Lena’s ear, “try to relax a little. We’ll go back inside soon. Are you cold?” She brings her body closer Lena’s, her front on Lena’s back hugging her from the behind.</p><p>“Yes, but it’s okay.”</p><p>Kara starts rubbing her sides, her waist, her thighs. Then she goes for her clit because there is this thing that needs to be done. No matter the context, her body always reacts to Kara’s touch, so she feels herself getting wet.</p><p>“I’m good,” Lena says and Kara isn’t around her anymore.</p><p>She leans on the wall and tries to give Kara some space to finger her. It doesn’t feel as good as it would be if she was on her hands and knees and she’s still cold. She starts making these sounds that everyone seems to like even if it’s obvious that they are not real.</p><p>When she hears ‘cut’ and Kara stops, someone gives her a robe. Kara guides her inside with a hand on her waist. The difference in temperature is so obvious and Lena is relieved.</p><p>The pace changes in the next scene, it’s much less rough. Kara lays down on the couch and Lena starts taking her clothes off. It’s so much easier now that she doesn’t has to feel guilty about how attractive she finds Kara, how much into her she is. She doesn’t have to wonder what it means that Kara is wet or that she seems to enjoy some parts. It’s still pretense and it’s still uncomfortable but it is so much better than the first times. It is also more comfortable with Kara than with the other aliens she filmed scenes with. When she started ‘working’ with others she was relieved because she could just pretend without her unrequired feelings for her best friend getting in the way. But now that her feelings are very much required, her attraction to Kara actually helps. Now that her fingers are inside Kara and her mouth is on her clit and Kara is so responsive in everything she does, Lena has to admit that this is far from the worse thing they have experienced so far.</p><p>Kara feels so good like that and yes Lena is totally aware that there is camera recording a close up of her fingers going in and out of Kara and she still hates that it’s happening but the one thing doesn’t cancel the other. Lena strokes her abs with her other hand and goes upwards to squeeze the softer part of her.</p><p>During their break, Kara eats snacks like she doesn’t have to be naked again in twenty minutes. Lena drinks tea as they talk with two girls who ask them if they want to hang out in the next days. They will be gone in a few days and for the first time in a while Lena doesn’t know how to feel about that. There is a part of her brain that tries to convince her that everything is fine, that they have a nice life, that they have everything they want here. It tries to make her forget that Kara cries in the shower all the time so Lena won’t notice, forget how miserable she feels every day, forget how traumatized she is from everything that happened to her to the point that she can’t have sex with her girlfriend.</p><p>These thoughts are in her mind for a reason. Someone designed this society to create them.</p><p>As they move to the next scene, Lena is turned on for real. Every part of her begs for attention that it shouldn’t, given that she’s having sex all day. The thing is that the kind of sex they are having is more focused on the visual. Many times, they were interrupted when it started to feel good because they were blocking the view or something.</p><p> So, when Kara starts fucking her so good and so deep it is a surprise. She’s on the couch, her legs are open and everything is exposed but Lena doesn’t care. She can’t be embarrassed right now, there is nothing else except Kara inside of her. Kara kisses her like she means it, like it’s just them and maybe this is a mistake because they have to keep some things for themselves but Lena can’t think about it right now. It’s so perfect, so good. Obscene, wet noises are coming from between her legs. Kara has found the spot, it’s too much and too fast but Lena would die if they stopped. The usual build up isn’t there but it’s like something is going to explode. This is something else. Then it happens. Liquid comes out of her body and Lena stares unable to believe what just happened. Kara takes some with her finger and tastes it, her pupils are blown, looking at Lena as she takes her fingers out of her.</p><p>The pleasure is less intense but more deeply satisfying. Lena lies completely on the couch feeling exhausted.</p><p>“Can we take five,” Lena says as she tries to catch her breath.</p><p>The crew gives her some time. She doesn’t feel like moving right now, she doesn’t even have the energy to wear something.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Kara asks.</p><p>“Yeah, it was great. I didn’t know that I could do that.”</p><p>She has never squirted before, she though this is something that happens only in porn. Well, they are in porn right now.</p><p>Kara gives her a bottle of water. She didn’t even notice that someone brought it to them.</p><p>“Did you like it?” Kara asks.</p><p>“It felt so good and I’m so relaxed right now. Did you?”</p><p>“You can’t imagine how turned on I’m right now.”</p><p>Lena takes a better look at her. She is still naked, her whole body is flushed and her legs are squeezed together. It’s an instinct that her hand goes to Kara’s thigh. A small sound escapes Kara’s mouth.</p><p>“Lena, stop playing because the break you asked for will be over.” She laughs and Lena loves this sound.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s late when they get home, filming lasted more than usual and Lena is exhausted. When they are comfortable in their bed Lena pulls Kara close to her, her head on Lena’s chest. She strokes her back and leaves kisses on her head hoping that what happened today hasn’t affected their relationship. Kara who seemed distracted since they arrived, tightens her hold on Lena. She’s so cute like that, small and cuddly.</p><p>“This is going to be the last one, right?” Her voice is needy, almost hopeful.</p><p>“You know that I can’t promise you that,” Lena says.</p><p>“I know, it wasn’t a real question.”</p><p>Lena understands because she hopes for the same thing, that when they are done with the ‘job’, they will get out of here soon before filming anything else.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When the filming is over, Lena is relieved. The possibility of not doing that thing ever again is very real and it brings her so much joy. She walks out of the set. It’s a really warm day, the sun is bright and there are no clouds in the sky. A car is waiting for them as always but she doesn’t feel like getting inside.</p><p>“Do you mind if we walk?” She asks Kara.</p><p>Kara shakes her head. The car follows them till they are out of the area that the filming takes place. Then they are alone.</p><p>The need to wash the disgusting day away isn’t that intense now that it was Kara the only one who touched her. So, she walks to take her mind off things. The fresh air is nice on her face.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Kara is writing in the spare room for some time now. Lena tries to watch a movie or a show but she gets bored of everything after the first five minutes. They are supposed to meet Jay tomorrow. It will be four days since they finished filming and this is the first time they are supposed to meet with him. If the editing is done, he will give them the copy, if it isn’t, they will meet again in three days.</p><p>“Hey,” Kara says when she enters the living room. She is wearing a huge hoodie and her movements are slow and comfortable.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Kara leans on the back side of the couch and kisses Lena who turned to look at her.</p><p>“How are you?” Kara asks.</p><p>“Nervous.”</p><p>Kara sits next to her, putting an arm around Lena.</p><p>“I’m sorry I disappeared all day,” Kara says, “there are some things that I need to remember.”</p><p>“That’s okay.”</p><p>“I’ve missed you,” Kara says like they didn’t have lunch together a few hours ago. But the truth is that Lena missed her too. Kara snuggles her face on Lena’s neck, leaving a small kiss there.</p><p>They have been really affectionate with each other. Lena wants her close all the time. They haven’t tried to have sex again, it has been a silent agreement between them to wait to go home first. Lena of course doesn’t regret their first time, it was everything she wanted and more but it is better to not put so much pressure on themselves.</p><p>“Do you think that we should talk about our plan?” Lena asks.</p><p>“We have talked about everything already.”</p><p>“I mean that we have to talk about what we’ll do if it works.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I suppose we should.” Blue eyes are looking at her, waiting.</p><p>“Let’s say that it works, it goes viral, your team comes to rescue us. I suppose that they will let us go, there won’t be a fight here. So, the two of us return to Earth.”</p><p>“What about the people who helped us?” Kara asks. “I know that we can’t take everyone with us but what about the ones we promised that we’ll help?”</p><p>“Look Kara, we’ll come back for everyone but we have to do something about my brother first. I don’t know what we’ll do about this place. It’s complicated. I’m sure there are people who don’t want to leave.” Lena has seen happy faces, has heard stories about aliens who would certainly be dead if they stayed at their planets.</p><p>“But I’ve promised…”</p><p>“I know baby, I know.” Lena gives her a small kiss and apparently, she became one of those people who call their partners with something other than their name. “We’ll just have to deal with one problem at a time.”</p><p>“Yes, you are right. What about Lex then?”</p><p>Lena takes a deep breath. There is no easy way to say that.</p><p>“He’s too dangerous. We have to… I have to kill him. Again.”</p><p>Kara’s doesn’t move, her face is frozen, emotionless.</p><p>Lena continues.</p><p>“It’s not about revenge and as much as I want him to suffer, I don’t want to be like him. It will be quick, just to keep us and everyone else safe.”</p><p>The next words that Lena hears are something she never expect to come out from Kara’s mouth.</p><p>“I want him to suffer too,” she says it like a secret, like a confession. Her voice is deep and low.</p><p>“But?” Lena expects something there. Maybe Kara hates him but Supergirl doesn’t kill.</p><p>“There is no but. He has to die.”</p><p>So, there is an exception even for Kara. There is a limit in her kindness and forgiveness. It makes her more human, more real.</p><p>“All my life I’ve never wanted to kill anyone. All these villains that I had to defeat, I had no intention to take it this far. It wasn’t only my beliefs that stopped me. I just didn’t want revenge, I didn’t want them to suffer, I didn’t want them to die. And then there is him,” she pauses and takes a deep breath. “From the moment I learned what he did to you when you were young, I hated him and yeah I knew what he did to my cousin but that never made me to hate him that much. When I fought him and I thought I was the one who left him to die even if I tried to save him, I didn’t feel guilty. If it was anyone else, I’m sure I would feel terrible for months but it was him and I didn’t care. When he came back, fuck, I blamed him for what happened between us and for the first time the thought of using heat vision directly into a human crossed my mind but I didn’t do it. I don’t kill. At this point, I don’t care Lena. I have spent so many hours thinking about killing him, about crashing him with my own hands because I want you to be safe but I also want to make him suffer. For what he did to us, to you.”</p><p>Oh, Kara wants him to suffer for her, because he hurt Lena. It makes her feel important, loved.</p><p>“Thank you.” Lena’s words come out shaky, her voice unsteady.</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For caring enough about me to do something like that.”</p><p>Kara takes her hands in hers.</p><p>“Lena, I promised that I’ll always protect you and I know that I’ve failed but-“</p><p>“No, no, don’t say that,” Lena doesn’t let her finish. She wipes a tear from Kara’s face and Kara leans into the touch. “You haven’t failed me. We are still alive, we are together and this means everything to me.” Lena kisses her, between tears and soft touches. “Every time you did something you didn’t want you protected me, every time you did what these awful people asked you to, you’ve protected me.”</p><p>“And you don’t have to kill him, I’ll do it,” Lena says. “He is my brother.” It doesn’t matter what Kara says, she doesn’t her to have to live with it. Kara will fight him, so she will be responsible for his death in a way but Lena knows that it matters who shoots the final blow.</p><p>Kara doesn’t respond, there must be some logic in what Lena said to her.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Lex still has the kryptonite,” Kara says.</p><p>They are walking towards the spot they are supposed to meet Jay. The sun is almost set making everything red.</p><p>“I’ll make you an anti-kryptonite suit.”</p><p>“Oh, thanks,” Kara smiles. “How long will it take?”</p><p>“With my tech, a few hours.” Lena doubts that her brother has left her lab intact. “Without it, it really depends on what I’ll have available at the time. Building everything from scratch can take a long time.”</p><p>If only she wasn’t a selfish idiot and had made a suit for Kara before, nothing would have happened. Now that she thinks about it, she wants to destroy every last bit of Kryptonite on Earth. If she knew all the years that Kara is Supergirl, she would have help her get rid of it and she would have never made kryptonite herself. There shouldn’t be anything that could cause her pain. Lex has enough kryptonite to defeat Kara and he did it once already. Lena won’t let it happen ever again.</p><p>“We’ll see what we are up against when we get there,” Kara says.</p><p>It’s the second arranged meeting between them and the director because the editing wasn’t finished three days ago. They had to go back to work eventually. At least they were put together one more time since everyone was happy with the result.</p><p>Lena can’t stop the smile from forming on her face when the alien is standing next to the tree they are supposed to meet. They said that he’ll come only if he has the copy. There was no need to risk more meetings between them and they haven’t seen him on set lately because he doesn’t work on what they are filming now.</p><p>Kara steps closer to him, leaving Lena standing a few meters away. Jay takes something out of his bag, it looks like a case for a CD. Kara moves her hand slowly to grab it but the director holds it close to his body.</p><p>“You promise that you’ll take me with you?” Jay says and he sounds so different from when he’s working. Now, he’s scared and nervous.</p><p>“I won’t betray you. I don’t know how they will rescue us but I promise that I’ll come back for you.”</p><p>He gives Kara the CD and leaves.</p><p>Lena moves closer to Kara. She’s looking at the object in her hands without moving. This is it, this their chance. They have planned this moment, they know what to do next.</p><p>“Kara.”</p><p>She looks at Lena and gives her the CD and Lena hides it on her bag.</p><p>The next day, they find the person they are supposed to give it to. When it’s over, Lena is restless. She has been so focused on her plan lately and now there is nothing to do. She hates that she has to wait to be saved, it makes her feel so helpless. She is sure Kara feels the same, a hero isn’t used to rely on others.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Have I mentioned that I have <a href="https://myconceptreality.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> ?<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Revenge</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is (finally) some canon typical violence in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> It’s been five days since they gave the CD away. Waiting is the worst part of the plan so far because they can’t do anything about it. Planning the escape, even filming the “movie” felt like taking control of her life back and now she’s back at being victim.</p><p>She’s inseparable from Kara, constantly attached to her somehow. They know that something could go wrong, either here or on Earth, they know that this could be the end. Lena is at peace with that idea, she fought for her life, she did the best she could.</p><p>Maybe it’s a combination of similar thoughts that make Kara start one particular conversation late at night when they are in bed. She was laying down but she sits up and looks at Lena.</p><p>“Lena, I’m so glad that I met you, that I-“</p><p>“No, I’ll have none of that please.” It is too real for Lena because even if she has accepted that she could die soon, the possibility of Kara getting hurt, of Kara dying is unacceptable.</p><p>“Stop that. I want you to know. You have to let me tell you.”</p><p>She’s pleading with her eyes, looking directly at Lena’s. The room is dark except from a small lamp. They are sitting across each other and Lena’s heart will soon get out of her chest. She nods because what else she can do.</p><p>“I’m beyond grateful that I met you,” Kara starts and her voice breaks at every word, “that you were my best friend for years. You are still my best friend. You can’t imagine how happy you made me every day and yeah, I was probably in love with you from the first time we went out together,” she chuckles and Lena can swear that she’s holding back tears, “or the day I met you if that’s possible. But that didn’t matter.” She reaches for Lena’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “You were there and I got to spend time with you for some reason that I still can’t explain. I know that I hurt you and I really don’t want to go there now but I’ve never hated myself before but I did when I hurt you. What I’m trying to say is that I feel so lucky that the universe brought us together for some reason and I know that I don’t deserve it.” She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths. “I’ve never considered the possibility of you wanting me this way and even it happened here, I’m glad that it did and it doesn’t make it less real for me. I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I’m sorry for rambling.”</p><p>Lena squeezes her hand.</p><p>“You deserve everything good that happened to you and none of the bad. You deserve to be happy and if you want me to be a part of your life, I will be, always.”</p><p>Lena wipes Kara’s tears and Kara leans to the touch. Blue sad eyes are staring back at her and Lena wants to make them happy. She didn’t plan for a confession tonight but maybe Kara is right, there are some things that need to be said and if this is their only chance to do it, she won’t waste it.</p><p>“When you came to my life, you were like a gift. I didn’t know what to do with you. Nobody had ever been that nice to me without wanting something back. You didn’t want money, connections, sex. You just wanted to spend time with me and I let you.” Kara loved her from the start because this is what love is. Love is selfless. “I let you become a part of my life and it was the best decision that I ever made. You have always made me happy and I still can’t believe that I got to be your friend, your… girlfriend.” Now Lena’s eyes have matching tears.</p><p>Kara hugs her with so much force that she lands on her back. She wraps herself around her and kisses her cheek, her lips and then she buries her face in her neck and kisses her there too.</p><p>“I love you so much Lena. There is nothing that I want more than time you.”</p><p>“I love you too Kara, I love you so much.”</p><p>They usually find a more comfortable position to sleep but at this moment no one wants to stop facing the other, no one wants to break the embrace. So, Lena falls asleep with Kara’s head on her chest.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s the following afternoon that they hear screams and noise from outside. Lena goes to the window. Someone is flying. No, it’s two people.</p><p>“Kara,” she shouts, “they found us.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I think it’s J’onn, I can’t see him now but someone was in the sky.”</p><p>“He won’t see us here, we have to go downstairs.”</p><p>“How? It isn’t out time?” Lena runs to the door and it’s unlocked. The door is only unlocked when they have permission to go outside. “It’s unlocked Kara.” This is a conscious decision, they are letting them go.</p><p>Lena wears shoes and a coat and is ready to leave.</p><p>“Wait,” Kara says as she runs to the other room and comes back with a backpack a few seconds later.</p><p>They get in the hall ready to take the stairs when guards appear. Lena has probably stopped breathing as they walk past them. This is where, they shoot them. Surprisingly, they don’t. Nobody does. They make it downstairs.</p><p>People are confused, nobody understands what’s happening as they stare at the sky.</p><p>The two flying figures appear again and this time they notice them. Kara waves her hands above her head. J’onn and another Martian land in front of them.</p><p>“Kara,” he says as he hugs her, “we don’t have much time. They won’t stop us but we have to move fast.” They have to fly there.</p><p>“Okay. Take Lena.” She’s frozen, confused as she says that. They haven’t seen anyone they know for so long, it’s like they forgot how to talk to them.</p><p>Before she knows it, she is lifted in the sky. She hasn’t flown since that day Kara took her to the fortress. It’s much different with Kara, she makes her feel safe and comfortable even if she is many feet above the ground. Outside the walls, there isn’t much else. She sees a road but no other sings of civilization.</p><p>They land in front of the only building that exists outside the walls. There are no guards, only humans who seem to be on their side. Lena was right, nobody wants to fight, it’s pointless. Lena and Kara have no value in comparison to the whole operation. The portal is inside and Lena is so lost that it feels like she sees someone else walking in front of it. Kara takes her hand and they get in the portal.</p><p> </p><p>She’s disoriented but they are out, out of this portal, out of this fucking place.</p><p>Alex is standing in front of them and Lena can’t believe that this is actually happening. The next thing she knows, Kara lets her hand go and a shiver runs through her body. Kara puts her arms around her sister and stays there without showing any intention to stop. Lena hears crying and soft words but she turns to look away. They are in big room with no windows, probably underground.</p><p>Alex is the one who talks first and only then Lena turns to look at them. They have broken off their hug.</p><p>“We have to move now, there is no much time.”</p><p>“I can fly with Lena just tell me where to go.”</p><p>“With Lena?” Alex asks like she isn’t sure that Lena is coming with them. It makes sense, the last time she heard about Lena, she was working with her brother. Lena feels a tremble inside of her. What if Kara goes with her sister and leave Lena alone? What if it’s over between them?</p><p>Kara doesn’t hesitate to answer.</p><p>“Lena is coming with us.” Kara has never talked to her sister like that, at least not in front of Lena, all the softness is gone. She intertwines their fingers, something that doesn’t escape Alex’s notice.</p><p>“We have this new place because <em>she</em> knew the other one.” Kara stands there between her sister and Lena, not offering any sympathy.</p><p>“Look, either <em>we</em> come with you or <em>we</em> are leaving,” Kara says in the same firm and cold tone.</p><p>Alex sighs, defeated. “Okay, let’s go.”</p><p>They were indeed underground. The moment the sun hits Kara’s skin, she stops walking. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. It doesn’t last long because Alex rushes them into a car.</p><p>Lena finds herself sitting between Kara who is still holding her hand and Alex who looks at her like she’s a mystery she needs to solve. She doesn’t blame Alex though, she had lost her sister for months and then she found out about a video where her sister had sex with her former best friend.</p><p>“We had to be sure that Lex didn’t know about this place.”</p><p>Lena never told Lex about the old place but Alex’s concerns are reasonable, so she doesn’t say anything.</p><p>They enter an underground parking. They exit the car and take an elevator upstairs and to Lena’s relief, Kara doesn’t let her hand for a second. This new place looks similar to the other one they had.</p><p>It feels unreal to be back, it’s like she will close her eyes and she will be back there, trapped and helpless. The only thing that grounds her is Kara’s presence.</p><p>“I think it’s safer for you to stay here for a while, until we have a plan,” Alex says avoiding Lena’s gaze. She’s focused on her sister.</p><p>“We already have a plan. I need to make Kara an anti-kryptonite suit.” Lena’s voice is firm, feigning the confidence she doesn’t have. The truth is that they can’t relax right now. “I would like to start as soon as possible.”</p><p>“Oh, now you want to make her a suit?” The irony is clear in her tone.</p><p>“Enough Alex,” Kara snaps, “we have worked our differences. I trust Lena with my life. I understand that you have many questions but now it isn’t the right time.”</p><p>“It’s not like we have any other choice.”</p><p>“Like you said this is our only option,” Lena tries to sound calm. “I need my tech to make her a suit and I’m sure that it’s not where I left it. So, we need to see what we have available at the moment.”</p><p>“We actually have some of your tech here.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“When you disappeared, we broke into Luthor Corp. We thought that you might be there or at least that we would find some clue. When we didn’t find anything that could lead us to you, we stole tech that could make a suit for Superman. Brainy tried but-“</p><p>“But he couldn’t because I’m the only person that knows how it works.” Lena knows that she is being smug. She designed her tech so one else can use it. It could be dangerous if the wrong people found it.</p><p>“Follow me,” Alex says and leaves the room.</p><p>“Where is my cousin?” Kara asks.</p><p>“He’s hiding with his family. He had to take them away.”</p><p>They enter a room that must be used as a lab.</p><p>Alex shows her what they stole and Lena estimates that she would need a few days. The transport must have activated its protection software. She needs to rewrite a lot of code that was lost but at least she has the tech.</p><p>“I think I’ll better start now.”</p><p>Kara turns to look at her, worry all over her face.</p><p>“It’s late and you need to rest.” She’s being soft.</p><p>“I’ll rest when it’s over. Also, it isn’t late, it isn’t even 5 pm.”</p><p>“We would have been sleeping by now.” She’s isn’t wrong, it was late afternoon when they left.</p><p>“I promise I will do some things now and then I’ll stop for today.</p><p>Kara gives her hug and leaves with her sister who hasn’t stopped looking at them.</p><p>Lena hasn’t seen a computer screen in months but she hasn’t lost her game. She knows exactly what to do, she has done it before. The only problem is how tired she is. They’ve been through so much in a single day. She loses focus a lot, the screen blurs.</p><p>She hears the two siters talking from the other room.</p><p>“Where is everyone?” Kara asks.</p><p>“We thought it would be better to give you some time. We didn’t know in what state you would be. J’onn is upstairs at his new apartment.”</p><p>Lena continues writing the code until she hears sobs from the other room.</p><p>“I’m fine Alex, please don’t cry,” Kara’s voice is broken.</p><p>“I thought I lost you and then there is that thing on the internet.”</p><p>“But I’m here now.”</p><p>“You were alone and… did they really make you do that?”</p><p>“I wasn’t alone, I had Lena,” the admission warms Lena’s heart, “and I’m sorry but I’m not ready to talk about that.”</p><p>“Of course, Kara, whatever you want.”</p><p>“How did you find us?”</p><p>“When… when the video leaked, there were mixed feelings. But so many people wanted to help and started looking for you. People also started talking, humans and aliens who had watched similar… stuff. They recognized the surroundings, the red sun, the set. It was easy to find out who distributes it, where they buy it. We found the ones responsible for the distribution. They claimed that they didn’t know that it happened against anyone’s will. They also claimed that they leaked it so we will find you. I’m not sure about that, I don’t know who leaked it. It was clear at that point that we were going to find you one way or another. The distributors gave us names of people in charge. Some were caught and a deal was made. They would let you two go but we wouldn’t cause them any other problem.”</p><p>“I leaked it, me and Lena.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It was the only way out. I guess someone uploaded it on the internet, so technically that person leaked it too. Oh, and I will cause them so many problems. When I’m done with Lex.”</p><p>Lena tries to focus on what it needs to be done. Her progress is slow, she’s emotionally and physically exhausted. So, when Kara tells her that they ordered dinner, she leaves the work for tomorrow. She will finish a lot quicker with a clear mind.</p><p>Potstickers and pizza are on the small table in front of the couch. They eat in silence except for a few words between the sisters.</p><p>“I think it’s better if we won’t move you for tonight. Lex is looking for us and I don’t want to think about what will happen if he finds us before the suit is ready. There is a bathroom as you noticed and I brought you some fresh clothes. I’ll sleep upstairs, Lena you can take this couch and Kara I guess you can just float. I mean you do that sometimes anyway.”</p><p>She didn’t know that Kara can float in her sleep, that’s so cute. It’s true that this space isn’t designed for someone to leave in it but it will do for a day or two.</p><p>“Oh, Alex I didn’t tell you with everything that’s going on.” Kara stands up, her hands clasped in front of her. “Lena is my girlfriend.” She says it like it’s some sort of achievement with a huge grin on her face.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Kara looks at Lena like she waits for encouragement. Lena offers a smile. It must be difficult for Kara to talk to her sister about her personal life. She doesn’t know if they talk a lot about relationships in their family.</p><p>“You know, we are dating, we are together so we are fine with only one couch to sleep.” The way that she sounds so sure about their relationship brings tears behind her eyes. She won’t cry though, not in front of Alex.</p><p>“Kara just because some things happened it doesn’t mean that… What I’m trying to say is that you are confused.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t have time to register what she just said because Kara raises her voice.</p><p>“What did you just say Alex?” Her voice is cold and angry.</p><p>“I don’t know what she made you believe but you shouldn’t trust her,” Alex says.</p><p>They don’t have the time for a fight.</p><p>“Alex,” Lena says, “we had our differences but we are dating now.”</p><p>Alex doesn’t even turn to look at Lena. She continues her pointless argument.</p><p>“If it’s true, why you never told me?”</p><p>“There was nothing to tell, Alex. Now there is and I’m telling you. You are just not listening to me.”</p><p>Lena wonders if Alex thinks that’s weird that her sister is dating a girl or the problem is that the girl is also Lena Luthor.</p><p>“You remember what happened? I agreed to let her help us but you can’t just forget everything and let her be in your life like that.” Alex continues to talk like Lena isn’t here, saying out loud all of her worst fears.</p><p>“Stop it.”</p><p>She doesn’t.</p><p>“After everything that she did to you. This,” she points at the space between them, “is nothing more than a case of codependency.”</p><p>Not trusting Lena is one thing but invalidating their whole relationship is completely different.</p><p>“Get out,” she says.</p><p>Lena comes next to her, she reaches for her hand. It does nothing to calm her down. Kara looks like she’s ready to throw her sister into space.</p><p>“Get the fuck out Alex!” Kara almost screams at her. Alex leaves.</p><p>This isn’t good, Kara and Alex have to keep it together for now. She can’t blame Kara though, what Alex said was hurtful and the fact that it was her sister, her own family who told her that, made it even more disturbing. After all this time that they were trying to figure out their relationship, Alex doesn’t have the right to tell them what they are to each other.</p><p>She turns to look at Kara who’s sitting on the couch again, leaning on her hands that cover her face. Lena sits next to her and she doesn’t know how to comfort her. She puts a hand on her back to show her that she’s here. Kara looks at her and her face has angry tears.</p><p>“She’ll come around, you’ll see. We are all just very stressed at the moment,” Lena says. She’s not sure if she believes it or not, they just to need to push their feelings away until Lex is dead.</p><p>“I understand that she’s scared. I was mad at you when we first saw each other.” A terrifying memory, walking up in a cell with Kara. “But she’s wrong and she can’t talk to me like that.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Lena opens her arms and Kara hides her face in her neck. She can feel the body that’s wrapped up on hers trembling. She should have done something, she should have stopped Alex.</p><p>Lena strokes her back, she leaves kisses at the top of her head. Kara slowly comes back to herself.</p><p>“She’s wrong, isn’t she?” Kara asks and it takes Lena by surprise. She’s sad and hopeful as she speaks. Alex didn’t hit only Lena’s insecurities.</p><p>“Yes, she doesn’t understand.”</p><p>“Do you think she has a problem with… you know.” The truth is that Lena didn’t have the time to contemplate the existence of the video. It is a next week’s problem and she doesn’t know even if she will be alive next week.</p><p>“She must have found it strange. I heard you talking about it. She’s missing a lot of details.” Lena doesn’t know why she’s trying to excuse Alex’s behavior. “Hey, I’m sure that she doesn’t blame you, maybe she blames me-“</p><p>“That’s exactly the problem Lena. She blames you for everything and she’s not listening to me.”</p><p>“We will explain to her what happened. That filming that thing and leaking it was our only choice.”</p><p>“I thought… I thought that she would have been happy for me, for us.” Her tone is low and defeated. “I feel so stupid now. I was so excited to tell her that finally…”</p><p>“You are not stupid. It is normal to want to tell your sister.”</p><p>She holds Kara for a long time. Kara with all her powers who is still the same person. She will get used to it, at least she hopes she gets the chance to. There is something startling about Kara, the same Kara who can lift an airplane, being all small and cuddly in her arms.</p><p>“It’s late, let’s take a shower and get more comfortable.” Lena doesn’t know where she finds the energy but she helps Kara out of her clothes and joins her for a shower. Alex indeed left clothes for them to sleep in and as much as she would prefer to wear her own or Kara’s, they get dressed.</p><p>The couch isn’t suitable for sleep but it will do for now.</p><p>“You know, now you can use me as a pillow all night and it won’t hurt,” Kara says as Lena rests her head on her chest. Her playful tone is a relief. The tension isn’t forgotten of course but they both need to take their mind off it.</p><p>“You are still so soft though.” Lena rubs her girlfriend’s belly to make her point. Kara squeezes her abs in response. They both start laughing.</p><p>“Hey, I’m not actually made of steel, I just don’t break.”</p><p>Lena was worried that Kara having her powers again would remind them of certain unpleasant things. The reality is completely different, she sees Kara and she loves all of her. She’s glad that Kara doesn’t have to hide herself anymore.</p><p>“You can actually float in your sleep?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she smiles. “Do you want to try? Not for the whole night, just for a few seconds.”</p><p>Lena gets all of her body on top of Kara’s. She closes her eyes and holds her tight. When she opens her eyes again, they are a few inches above the couch and Kara has a huge smile on her face that Lena wants to kiss. She does.</p><p>“Oh, wow, that’s not exactly how imagined it but I can’t believe it happened.”</p><p>She lowers them down on the couch again. Kara can’t be possibly referring to that.</p><p>“Kara did you thought about us kissing in the sky?”</p><p>Kara’s face gets red.</p><p>“What? No!”</p><p>Lena doesn’t do anything to hide her smirk, she shifts so she can have a better look at Kara’s face.</p><p>“Okay, yes I did,” she admits shyly. “It wasn’t all the time though. Sometimes when I was flying, I thought that it would be nice to have someone with me and that someone to be you and then… how nice it would if we kissed. Or maybe when I saved you that day.” Lena wonders if Kara had kissed her that day, would it have changed the way she acted? Would it have stopped her from carrying on with that awful plan? “Oh, and sometimes when I was doing something it would just pop on my mind.”</p><p>She’s out of breath and it’s adorable. Lena kisses her again.</p><p>“We can do it if you want. When this is over.”</p><p>“That would be great Lena.” She’s smiling and she’s beautiful. They both needed this.</p><p>“Thank you,” Kara says a few minutes later.</p><p>“For what? You are my girlfriend, kissing you is the least I can do.” She doesn’t look at Kara as she says that and when she does, Kara isn’t how she expected her to be. Her eyes are glassy and fixed at the ceiling. Lena untangles herself from her and they sit next to each other. She waits.</p><p>“For always believing in me, for helping me, for trusting me even if I don’t deserve it.”</p><p>This is about Alex. Lena knows better than anyone how it feels to be rejected by family members. Nice words probably won’t change Kara’s mind.</p><p>“I’m not the only one Kara.”</p><p>She doesn’t answer.</p><p>“I heard what Alex said, that people tried to find you, that they were worried about you. You have saved so many people and they didn’t forget, when you needed help, they came for you.”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“No, it happened Kara. Our plan worked because of you. We don’t know the details yet but it’s clear that the public put pressure on certain people and this is why we are here.”</p><p>“Yeah, we are here. But what about everyone we left behind?”</p><p>Kara is in a really dark place right now and as much as Lena tries to pull her out it’s pointless. Her fight with her sister didn’t let enjoy the fact that they are home. Not home yet but after what happened every place on Earth feels like home.</p><p>“We didn’t leave them behind. We will save everyone and we won’t let it happen to anyone else ever again.”</p><p>“I really don’t want them to think that we abandoned them.”</p><p>They didn’t escape on their own, they had help and they own their freedom to them.</p><p>“What they believe now won’t matter when they are free.”</p><p>She doesn’t seem persuaded.</p><p>“I may or may not have promised a certain person that he will have a chance to direct a real movie.”</p><p>Lena chuckles and is grateful for the distraction.</p><p>“You did what?”</p><p>“He didn’t want to give us the CD at first and I had to be resourceful.”</p><p>“His freedom wasn’t enough?”</p><p>“Look I didn’t lie. I plan to interview him anyway and he did direct a viral video. He’ll get clout and if he’s any good, who knows what could happen.” She laughs. “Okay, I’m joking but I did mention it as a possibility.”</p><p>“You want to write an article.” Lena has already suspected that.</p><p>“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about it yet. When the thing with your brother is settled, I’ll tell you.” When they <em>kill</em> her brother.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Lena is trying to work the next day but the noise makes it difficult. Everyone is here. Alex who is still not talking to Kara, the Dreamer who is apparently Nia, Brainy and J’onn.</p><p> Brainy and Nia were really happy to see Kara again and they welcomed in their own way Lena back into the team. The only one who seems to have a problem with her is Alex and she doesn’t do anything to hide it.</p><p>The door that does nothing to block the noise opens and Kara enters the room.</p><p>“Can I stay here with you?”</p><p>“Yes, if you stay quiet,” Lena says.</p><p>“I just need a break.”</p><p>“I thought you would be happy to see your friends.”</p><p>“I am. It’s just so hard for some reason and Alex is only making it worse.”</p><p>Lena keeps her eyes on the screen but she is the one who can’t stay quiet.</p><p>“I understand, I don’t know what to say to them.”</p><p>“They are your friends too, you know,” Kara says.</p><p>Lena turns to look at her and Kara smiles.</p><p>“Maybe they were, once.”</p><p>“They can still be, if you let them.”</p><p>Lena was never close with any of them, maybe with Brainy. They weren’t exactly friends but they liked each other.</p><p>The purpose of the visit was to see Kara after all this time because as much as they want to talk about a plan to defeat Lex, the only real plan is to make the anti-kryptonite suit for Kara. So, now that Kara is hiding, they are just noise.</p><p>“The suit will probably be ready tomorrow,” Lena informs everyone after lunch. Lena refused to stop even for that and Kara had forced her to eat while was working.</p><p>“That’s sooner than I anticipated,’ Brainy says.</p><p>Alex looks at her for a moment and then she looks away. Maybe the sight of Kara by her side is too irritating for her.</p><p>“Lex’s new suit is too strong. We were unable to defeat him without Kara,” J’onn says. “We’ll stay close and help each other. Brainy, Alex and Lena, you’ll stay here.”</p><p> </p><p>Lena writes the code until the screen becomes a blur. She’s almost done with the preparation progress. It’s better to sleep for a few hours and then proceed to make the suit with a clear mind. She finds Kara laying on the couch, awake. Everyone went upstairs to leave her rest. She’s on her side and Lena presses herself on her back. They have slept and cuddled in every possible way but Lena knows that when Kara is anxious, she wants Lena to hold her. She kisses her neck and finds her hand to hold that too. She doesn’t have the energy to talk, she will have to wake up soon.</p><p>Her eyes open four hours later and carefully to not wake up Kara she tries to stand up. Of course, Kara senses the loss and whines in her sleep. She turns around.</p><p>“Go back to sleep,” Lena says in a low voice. “You have to be strong tomorrow.” She leaves a kiss on her lips and Kara closes her eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>The anti-kryptonite suit is an apology, a gift. When she designed it was for a hero who was a stranger. Now it is for Kara, her best friend, her girlfriend, the love of her life. Like giving her the suit, the fight tomorrow will be different from all the other times Supergirl was in danger. Because it will be her Kara in the air, it will be Kara the one who could get hurt. She defeated Lex once, she can do it again. His arrogance will kill him. If there was any logic left in him, he would disappear. But Lena is sure that he will fight the angry Kryptonian against all reason because he hates her.</p><p>Lex thinks he won because he humiliated them. Lena has not faced the consequences of releasing the video yet. Also, it isn’t only about the video. The things that they did to survive will stay forever with them. Some scars won’t heal and memories will continue to torture them. That doesn’t mean that Lex won though. No matter the outcome of today, Lena found love. She found it years ago. Even if she lost her for some time, they are together now. Lex has nothing except his hate.</p><p>The suit is ready and Lena waits for Kara to wake up. It’s still dark outside when she opens her eyes.</p><p>“Hi,” Kara says.</p><p>Lena shows her the suit. She comes closer to Lena. She places her hand on Kara’s chest, where she will put the mechanism that will materialize the suit. She didn’t expect to do this, the moment Kara wakes up but it feels right. Kara nods and Lena places the suit on its place. She takes a step back as it covers Kara.</p><p>The act of protecting Kara from her one and only weakness takes away some of her guilt. Not all of it of course, Lena doesn’t know if protecting Kara for a lifetime will achieve that. The helmet dematerializes back in its place.</p><p>“Thank you, Lena.”</p><p>“It’s the least I can do.”</p><p>“No,” her voice is firm, her eyes lock with Lena’s, “it’s more than anyone else has ever done.”</p><p>“I will make you a normal suit too after…,” Lena says unable to continue this conversation.</p><p>“I hope that I will need one soon. It will have pants?”</p><p>“Yes, but you will actually look hot in my design,” Lena teases to lighten the mood.</p><p> Kara feigns a hurt expression but her smile betrays her.</p><p>“You thought I was hot in the skirt?”</p><p>They are dating, she should be able to admit that without feeling heat all over her face. She ends up nodding with her eyes on the floor.</p><p>“I was really tired of that skirt, soon after it was made for me. But if you,” with a laugh she interrupts herself. “But if you found it hot, it was worth it.”</p><p>Lena laughs too. It’s so easy to smile and laugh with Kara even in the darkest hours. They are so close and so far away from their second chance in life.</p><p> </p><p>The others arrive soon and everyone gets ready.</p><p>“Kara, I’m sorry,” a voice breaks the silence.</p><p>Alex walks to the other side of the room to find her sister.</p><p>“I was just so scared, I still am. I should never have said this.”</p><p>Everyone turns to watch them. Kara stays unfazed but she looks at her sister.</p><p>“I had no right to tell you that. These past months have been hell, but it doesn’t compare to what you’ve been through.”</p><p>Lena isn’t close enough to see but from the sound of her voice, she can tell that Alex is crying.</p><p>“I thought you were dead,” her voice breaks, “and a part of me blamed Lena.”</p><p>Well, every part of Lena blamed Lena so she has a point.</p><p>“Then, we find out that you are both alive in the way that we did. I didn’t know what to believe. But I trust you and if you trust Lena,” she turns to look at her, “I trust her too.”</p><p>It’s a relief that Alex compromised. Lena isn’t sure if she means it but it’s a start.</p><p>“I was angry at her too so I understand if you need some time,” Kara finally speaks, “but she would never hurt me,” her voice softens at the end.</p><p>Now it’s probably the right time for Lena to come closer. They are talking about her after all.</p><p>“I made a terrible mistake but I am on your side now,” Lena says to Alex and to everyone else in the room.</p><p>Nia smiles at her and Brainy nods.</p><p>As times passes everyone gets more anxious, they have to find Lex before he finds them. He knows that they are back and he must be furious. Lena expected a message or something and this silence is alarming.</p><p>Kara will soon be out there waiting for him. J’ohnn and M’gann will be close to her and Nia too. The rest of them will stay here.</p><p>When it’s time, Kara hugs her sister and it seems like they are whispering something. Then she turns to Lena.</p><p>Strong arms are around her and her face is at Kara’s neck. Lena holds her tight and try to not think about what could happen. Then, Kara kisses her out of nowhere, in front of everyone. It’s brief and before she knows it, it’s over but her heart beats faster and she swears she can still feel her on her lips.</p><p>Someone, who is probably Nia says how cute they are and Lena tries not to blush.</p><p>They leave and Lena doesn’t know what to do. She did her part in all of this and she has to wait. They go to the lab/control room so they can hear Kara. A tv is open and Supergirl is already on the news. She’s flying around and some people cheer after months of her gone.</p><p>Reporters start commenting on Supergirl’s return but soon the discussion goes somewhere else. Words like ‘porn’, ‘sex tape’ crush Lena’s brain but Alex mutes the tv.</p><p>“I just wanted to know when people will realize that she’s back because this is when Lex will come for her,” Alex says and it sounds like an apology. Probably she doesn’t want to hear these things about her sister either.</p><p>“I don’t see anything,” Kara says through the comms.</p><p>“Just stay up there so you can have a clear view,” Alex says.</p><p>“If he was smart, he would wait,” Lena says without meaning to voice it out loud.</p><p>“That’s what I was thinking,” Alex says.</p><p>They know that Kara can’t hear them.</p><p>“How is the public opinion about him now?” Lena asks.</p><p>“There have been rumors lately, especially since you know. People have talked but I am not a part of the investigation. Anyway, fighting Supergirl in front of everyone won’t do him any favors.”</p><p>No one from the team is part of the DEO anymore because Lex controls it. But this isn’t just a DEO case. Humans were involved. Others authorities must have arrested people who kidnapped Supergirl and Lena Luthor.</p><p>But it’s not like Lex minds about being a known criminal again. The only thing he wants is to kill the only Kryptonian he thinks he can at the moment.</p><p>Almost on time Kara announces that someone flies near her. Someone in a Lexo suit. This is the last report that they receive from Kara.</p><p>“Kara seems to have turned off her comms,” Brainy say. “I can still locate her but we have no sound.”</p><p>“She’s in front of him but they don’t move,” J’ohnn, who hasn’t turned off his own, says.</p><p>Lena’s palms are sticky and she feels her stomach twist.</p><p>In the tv, two figures fly in front of each other. A green laser comes from the hand of Lex’s suit and throws Kara away. Every logical part of her brain tells her that it’s nothing, that Kara’s skin is indestructible and she’s wearing the anti-kryptonite suit. But nevertheless, Lena can’t breathe.</p><p>M’gann soon tells them that she can see them fighting and that she and J’ohnn will soon be there. Images appear on the tv of Kara punching her brother. Then it’s Kara be thrown to a building and coming out from the other side.</p><p>“How can you do this? All the time,” she says to Alex. “To know that it’s Kara.”</p><p>She knew that it would happen but the reality of Kara being a superhero, throwing herself in danger all the time is more upsetting that she could ever imagine.</p><p>“I didn’t want her to do it at first,” Alex admits, “but she is born to be a hero.”</p><p>“Does it get easier?”</p><p>“No, I just got used to it.”</p><p>All these times that she had seen Supergirl bleed or being hurt by kryptonite, would have felt so much different if she knew it was Kara. She remembers her failing from a building with visible blood and bruises and she remember her when she gave her the anti-kryptonite suit for the first time. Her veins were green and she was unconscious. She was terrified, anxious for National City’s hero but it doesn’t compare to how she feels now.</p><p>They get glimpses of what’s happening from the screen and they get updates every now and then. Soon others appear in Lexo suits that keep the rest of the team occupied. They are not as powerful as Lex because he is the one who created it and probably kept a better version for himself but it’s enough to keep the others away from Kara.</p><p>Nia is fighting one on the ground and the Martians take the ones in the sky. Kara has yet to give them any update of what is happening.</p><p>When she finally speaks Lena feels lighter.</p><p>“I destroyed most of his suit but I think he’s going to Luthor Corp.”</p><p>Lex is desperate and he’s probably looking for something that could hit Kara. It’s almost over.</p><p>“I’m going there,” Lena says.</p><p>“No, you stay here. There is nothing you can do,” Alex says.</p><p>“There is something. Kara needs my help.”</p><p>“It’s dangerous.”</p><p>“Do you have a gun?”</p><p>It takes a moment to Alex but she understands Lena’s question.</p><p>“Oh, you want to…”</p><p>“She destroyed his suit, he doesn’t have anything better than that. It’s safe for me to go and I can’t let her do this.”</p><p>Alex nods.</p><p>“Okay, let’s go. I’m driving.”</p><p>They get down to the parking lot. Lena feels like she wears a super suit of her own. It’s just Alex’s black clothes that she wears when she fights but it’s much more comfortable than her regular suits, skirts and heels.</p><p>“I thought that you would want him to go to prison,” Lena says in the car. The city is almost empty like it always is when powerful creatures fight in the sky.</p><p>“We tried this one time already, didn’t we?</p><p>“I also killed him one time already.”</p><p>The tension between them doesn’t disappear with a joke but the mood is lighter.</p><p>“After what he did to my sister, I want to kill him myself,” she says in a much more serious tone, “If Kara wants him dead, I can’t imagine what he… Fuck,” she turns to look at Lena and she’s fighting tears. “How bad it was?”</p><p>Lena wants to lie and say that it was nothing, that nobody forced her little sister into things that she would have never agreed otherwise. But Alex deserves the truth.</p><p>“It was really bad Alex. I didn’t know if we would get back or not. It was hell and you have to understand that leaking the video was our only chance.”</p><p>Alex holds the wheel tight and Lena knows that she’s trying to stay strong and focused. Tears run on her face and it doesn’t seem like they will stop soon.</p><p>They are getting close to Luthor Corp. Brainy informs them that all the others in Lexo suits have been defeated.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Alex says, “I said these things to her, to you. I was just so scared. I’m glad that Kara had you with her and I don’t mean that I’m glad that it happened to you.”</p><p>Lena understands. Kara wouldn’t have come back without Lena. If she had to choose between Kara being alone on this planet and what actually happened, Lena would choose to be there with her a million times.</p><p>“I understand. I’m glad that I was with her too.”</p><p>They are outside the building.</p><p>“You really do love her.” It’s not a question.</p><p>“I love her more than anything.”</p><p>Lena steps out of the car and Alex tries to follow her.</p><p>“Stay,” Lena says, “this is between me and my brother. Also, I have Supergirl to protect me.”</p><p>“I’ll wait for both of you.”</p><p>Alex gives her the gun. Lena looks up at the building and there is giant hole.</p><p>“Kara, where are you? I’m coming up,” Lena says to the comms.</p><p>“We are at your office. It’s safe to come up.”</p><p>Lena takes the stairs for the first time since she bought the building. It’s empty. Nothing like how it used to be. She’s out of breath when she reaches her office.</p><p>Kara leans at the edge of her desk and she has turned off her helmet again. The glass and the wall behind her are destroyed revealing the city. Most of the objects in the room have been damaged except the desk that still stands there. Lex is in the other corner, lying on the floor but from the small movements of his body, Lena can tell that he is alive.</p><p>Kara comes by her side. At the same time, they both reach for each other’s hand. A light squeeze and they let go.</p><p>“Lex.”</p><p>“Lena, I never thought that I would see you again.”</p><p>He tries to stand up but he falls back to his knees.</p><p>“You did try really hard to do that.”</p><p>On his third attempt, he’s up but he’s barely standing. Some parts of the Lexo suit are hanging uselessly from his body.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter. You are here now.” It always irritates Lena how he always feigns interest in her.</p><p>“I’m here to kill you.” She points her gun at him and he laughs.</p><p>“Because your noble friend is too good for that. I’m honestly surprised that you are back. Once again I underestimated you Lena.” His smirk doesn’t leave his bruised face.</p><p>“You had the chance to kill us both but you decided to send us to your friends to torture us.”</p><p>“But where would be the fun in that?”</p><p> “I can see why you did that to me but to your own sister,” Kara says.</p><p>“She stopped being my sister the moment she chose you. All these years in prison I paid attention to what she did. I knew that there was a Kara Danvers in her life and honestly I was surprised because you weren’t her… her type,” He says the last words with disgust. “But nothing could have prepared me for what was really going on. Imagine my surprise when I found out she was fucking a super without knowing it.”</p><p>Lena wants to say that they didn’t, that they were just friends. She doesn’t.</p><p>“If you killed me, it would have made sense,” Lena says as she comes closer to him, “after all, I killed you. It would have been fair. But, fuck, Lex why did you send me there?”</p><p>He starts laughing.</p><p>“Well, sis, my plan was to kill you. Only with the extra emotional torture of seeing your powerful Kryptonian helpless, unable to protect you. I never thought that you would actually do what they asked you to. I never thought that my sister would be such a whore.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare talk to her like that,” Kara says. She doesn’t sound like herself, her voice is loud, angry. Lena turns to look at her and her eyes are red.</p><p>“I didn’t say anything about her, Lena. They could do whatever they wanted. But I asked them to let you die with honor. You are still a Luthor. But then they told me that you fucked her on camera. I was surprised but I thought about it and it made sense eventually. It wasn’t the first time anyway. What I couldn’t believe is that you fucked all these aliens Lena and you were quite good. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t watch but they told me how popular you are.”</p><p>“You want to insult me for what I did to survive, go on. It’s over anyway. You lost,” Lena says.</p><p>“No, dear sister, you are over. Your life is over. Who is going to listen to you now? The whole world has seen you for who you are.”</p><p>“You will never talk to her like that, ever again. You will never hurt her again.” She floats above the floor, just to scare him, to make him feel small. “Because you will die Lex, you will die.”</p><p>She is a god with glowing eyes looking at Lena, asking a question. As deadly as these eyes are, they don’t scare Lena because their wrath isn’t aimed at her, it could never be.</p><p>Lena nods. And then she sees it, like a lighting from Kara’s eyes. All this anger materializing, all these feelings from all these months go towards Lex’s chest. He makes no sound, he just drops on the floor, lifeless, dead.</p><p>It’s a feeling Lena can’t name, seeing Kara killing Lex. She is a god, a powerful being among the rest of them. And she is also Kara. It’s like she’s seeing her for the first time again, all of her.</p><p>Kara doesn’t move. There is no emotion on her face. If she’s waiting for some satisfaction that will never come, Lena can’t tell. The only thing she can do is run to her. Kara opens her arms for her and they hold each other. Because Kara may be a god wherever a yellow sun lights up the sky but she is also hers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The main plot of this fic ends here but the story isn’t over yet. There is probably one chapter left but I’m not sure. This is why I want to ask you some things. What would like to see in the final chapter? Do you find it interesting to continue or the story feels done? I want to give a satisfying conclusion to this fic and I don’t want the ending to feel rushed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://myconceptreality.tumblr.com/">My tumblr</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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